WTF?!

Wow. What a day.

Why is it every time something important is about to happen in my life that I can count on getting my period? What's up with that? Not only did I get it, but I GOT IT. You know what I mean? I swear my body is out to get me, but like everything else, perhaps it's a blessing in disguise?

Sure. Whatever you say.

So. BlogPaws!-my first Conference Presentation was this morning at 11:00 AM. I had practiced out loud, in the shower (hey, not that kind of practicing!), in the car, in my head when I laid down to go to sleep. I knew what I needed to say, but was worried I'd rush or fumble or both...or worse, forget the entire thing!

I knew I should try to be relaxed and calm. There are lots of nice folks here-about 250 of them. My PowerPoint presentation was only 10 minutes long, then I was to spend the remaining time on a panel discussion. The topic: “Leveraging Social Media.”

I promise I'll re-post this soon with photos, but for now, I can only write up some notes. Try to visualize...

...me. With bad cramps, feeling woozy. Slept for about an hour because I was an idiot and ate a HUGE chocolate cupcake before I WENT TO BED last night. Between the sugar and the caffeine, there was no hope I would really sleep. I DO know better, plus I'm worried that my Wii is going to yell at me when I get back home for eating like a moron while I've been in Columbus. Even now there's a HUGE vanilla cream puff from Schmidt's Sausage Haus sitting on the desk in our hotel room at the Westin!

Okay so back to visualizing me, sleepy, shaky, in my first session which was about how to do a product review without getting sued by the company whose product you're reviewing or get into trouble with the FTC. Basically, don't lie and be clear that you are reviewing something you were paid to review, if that's the case and you're off the hook if you didn't get paid, just don't be a twit and make declarations that are anything outside of simply “my own observation or opinion.”

Okay, common sense. What was dreadful about this session was one of the speakers was not able to show her slides. The computer locked up, then after restarting, they realized NO ONE knew the password to log onto the Mac! This poor woman, just calmly went on ahead and did her thing. Me, I thinking, “oh shit. I hope that doesn't happen to me. I'm dead meat if my presentation doesn't work—the same one that I still don't know if it got loaded onto a Powerbook or if it runs!”

I looked at my watch. My pulse was throbbing in my throat. My hands were trembling. Time to head to my session. I got upstairs and ran into Helin, one of the other presenters. I love Helin. She's from PeoplePets, so that make her super cool to know, but really without it I'd like her just as much. She's so cute and bubbly! She told me the room was still being used. They ran late! They ran SO LATE, it was 11 AM, instead of 10:45 am when we were supposed to get the room, get prepped and get going.

Ha ha ha. Another squeeze on my blood pressure! Those folks would not get out of OUR room!

They finally left and we started to set up. Jennifer Laycock went first. She ran her preso off her laptop. She was great. As I listened to her, I started to worry that she was going to talk too much about what I planned to say. I sat there and thought; “No..no..don't talk about analytics! Okay, yes, talk about Twitter, but no oh...don't talk about..ack!” Then I got so absorbed about worrying what she was going to say that I spaced out and thought I will have nothing to say! I am blank.

Then it was my turn. My Preso wouldn't run.

Oh $#$@#!

So I talked about doing stand up comedy. I made some jokes. They realized PowerPoint wasn't LOADED onto the laptop I was supposed to use. They tried MY powerbook, but the adopter (ha ha ha! I'm leaving that typo-I meant ADAPTER) didn't work. We used Jennifer's PC, but it took so long to get it working, I had to introduce Helin and she did her presentation while things were getting sorted out. What a mess!

I got back up to talk. This is it. I was shaking so hard, I could barely press the arrow key to advance the slides I designed. I told them about my journey blogging about Tweetie (remember him?!) and The Tweetie Chronicles. Sockington and Jason Scott. Instead of stumbling, it was smoothly delivered. I didn't go too fast, but I kept a good pace. I made everyone laugh and as I got near the end I was surprised it went so quickly. After the presentation was over, there was only time for a few questions. I was very happy that a few folks came up to me and told me to make sure I didn't give up on doing stand up comedy! Does that mean the presentation sucked? Hmmm...just realized that!

I think it went very well, considering everything that happened. It was so worth all the work and practice and looking back on it I can say I enjoyed it very much and hope to get the chance to do it again.

The rest of the conference was just fine. I learned a few things. I met a LOT of people. I need to sort through the enormous pile of cards I got and start figuring out who to check in with, who to follow on Facebook and Twitter and who to be real life buddies with. It was so much fun to meet Caroline, aka RomeotheCat on Twitter. She and her team kicked butt putting this conference together. For a first time event, it was great. Well put together, good food, good space, good folks. There's much more to write, but I'm just dead tired and I have a vanilla cream puff waiting for me.

I don't care if I have to face the wrath of my Wii, too. So there. I'm hormonal. I have my needs.

There's nothing like the excitement of packing up and going on a road trip with your beloved. The promise of the open road. Leaving your troubles behind you. The enjoyment of discovering more about the world around you, and yourself, while you're at it.

And...there's nothing like the threat of not going on the trip at all, just when you've finished packing and you need to load the car. But wait, first you must have a HUGE, blowout fight over the fact that you're stressed and short-tempered (because you don't want to leave late) and not being very nice. Okay. Let's have a big fight for two hours, so we can be certain to leave as LATE as possible, so the 660 mile drive will end around 12:30AM instead of 7PM! Great.

There's nothing like battling through CT, NY & NJ, followed by an endless drive across Pennsylvania. I swear that state GROWS while you drive it. All the up and down, curvy roads, the rain, the truckers who tailgate and the insane f-cker who almost hit us.

Yet, somehow, with all this, there's nothing like being able to find a way to work it out, to get over your petty/not-so-petty-but-you-don't-want-to-admit-it crap and attend to the task at hand. You make the 660 mile drive. You get to the hotel late. You eat a cold sandwich and pass out cold on the big, cat-less bed. You wake up to a new day, full of possibilities.

You awake to the purr of a garbage truck dumping something outside your window. You might be fearful that the shit storm is going to happen all over again, but you have that hope that today will be different. Today will be different! And if not, the trip was already worth it.

We made one stop yesterday, other than bathroom breaks. I scored a really cool 1950's lamp for my living room at the Atomic Warehouse, so that's good, right?

More from BlogPaws, life in Columbus, Ohio and The Sam & Robin Smackdown Show, soon!

I feel like my head is going to explode. The stress from worrying about making “the phone call” to try to get Donner & Dancer back has really gotten to me.

Last night I had a shot of brandy, which didn't do a thing to help calm my nerves and I'm not much of a drinker-fyi. I had another fitful night sleep, complete with nightmares. Once again I was living in a dumpy apartment and I had to get into the elevator to get out of the building. A few weeks ago I had another dream about an elevator where it would change shape and become very small in size, so small that my claustrophobia really kicked into gear-setting me into a panic. Or I'd have to fit into a tiny space if I wanted to get from one place to another. It was Alice in Wonderland, from Hell.

I did make the call and spoke to the adopter. He was on a conference call and I asked when I could call him back and he told me “after 5pm.” So, I gotta wait. I've tried to do some work, but working on a Powerpoint presentation is not my idea of soothing my nerves. I spoke to Sam, I spoke to some of you guys, I wrote down what I was going to say, like a script, so I would stay on track.

I spoke with Dr. Larry and he told me that ringworm was far more serious than I thought it was and that he would support me if the adopters call him about it, BUT...as my Director told me and Dr. Larry told me, to prepare for them getting really angry with me and to not let me have the kittens back. I completely understand that and I feel terrible about this, but my goal is that this is in the best interest of the kittens. It's not about anyone being a bad person. I made a mistake. I'm trying to correct it. If I can't, then I can't. If I can, I am gonna RUN over there and get the cats.

Thank you to everyone for all your support and kind words. It's interesting to me that if I had not posted anything about this, I might have found a way to be quietly ashamed of myself and not called these people up and had this difficult conversation. You guys keep me honest. You know I need to do this and you're paying attention, even sending me emails asking me if I called yet! Is that a good thing? I think so.

Maybe I'll go on a diet next. I could use some help in that area, too.

I spoke with my Director and she supports me moving forward however I see fit. The problem for me is that I have to do this and of course I do. I can't ask others to do something difficult for me or on my behalf. I made this poor choice and I have one last shot at finding a way to convince these adopters to give Donner and Dancer back to me so I can re-home them.

©2010 Ryan C. Feminella

This photo was taken on Friday. It's the only photo I have of Donner's face. She looks so sad. I hate seeing her wear a collar. In another photo I can see her food bowls right next to her litter pan!!!!! Not good.

My only hope is that I can find the right words to say that do not insult this family, but help them understand that I made a mistake placing the cats with them and that in the cats best interest, they should be returned to me.

The one tiny thing that could help is that I noticed, it looks like Donner has ringworm on her head!!! Though these folks were not bothered by ringworm cropping up, this does give me a reason to contact them and hopefully reinforce that these cats NEED better care and Donner must get to the Vet, if nothing else.

There's little else I can do. Legally, I can't force them to do anything. I won't lie to them. I have to just appeal to them and hope they will find a way to forgive me for causing them any distress and to understand that people make mistakes and maybe they will let me take the cats back? It's a long shot, but it's my last hope.

I will risk getting called all sorts of names, humiliate myself, whatever I have to do. Maybe it will work? I hope I find the perfect words to say to convince them. If I can't, I have to find a way to live with this.

I don't know how I will.

...I toss and turn. I'm still in the throes of doing my blasted taxes. I'm in a foul mood. I don't see the sense in wasting days of my life, adding up countless receipts because when it's all said and done, I probably won't owe any taxes and I won't deserve a refund. So why bother?

Last night I did a home visit for DRNA. They posted a message about needing help here in Newtown, so I offered. Along with my home visit, I had to fill out a very comprehensive form, detailing my visit. It made me realize how little we ask of our own adopters. We certainly don't do a home visit and we only ask that they don't declaw the cat and have their other animals up to date on vaccines and wellness exams. That's about it.

After the home visit, which went fine, we stopped at the grocery store to buy cat litter. Who should I run into but the dad and two sons of the family I adopted Donner & Dancer to. In the guy's hands was a stack of canned food-the cheapest, most awful crap you can imagine. It was 20 cans for $7; full of grain and mystery meat products. I almost screamed.

I did my best to be friendly about it and he said he didn't know how to tell it had grain or not and I reminded him that he can't buy grain free in a grocery store-which also pisses me off. Why can't you get good cat food at the grocer? At least you can't get it around here. There wasn't anything I could do. I said I'd send him info and he bought the crap food.

Once home, I sent him a long email with links to cat food resources and a discount code. I could not sleep. I kept thinking about how awful this was and that they said Dancer was still very scared-probably because there are two rambunctious boys in the house. I imagine her cowering in fear and growing into a messed up adult. I want to think the best of these people, but I really f-cked up. I should not have adopted to them, but the deed is done. I can't go get the cats when I don't have a great reason to do so. Now I fear the cats will become fat and unhealthy and I wonder if they will even keep up with Vet visits? Will they even keep them indoor only, as promised?

I'm sick about this. I know it could be worse. Even two of my best friends, who adopted from me two years ago, feed crappy cat food and the cats are chubby but they are loved so very much. They seem to be content in their home and maybe that is enough?

I like the way their eyes reflect on the floor! Yikes!

Looks like Zombie-Kitten changed tactics from brain-eating to humping!

No worries. No spermies were released during the shooting of this photo.

Last night while I was sitting at my desk, surfing the net, I heard a loud noise from the foster room, which is on the floor above my office.
Okay, so I'm not great about looking in on every single loud noise I hear. Usually, the cats have either unplugged the cable box or knocked books onto the floor, but this sound was rather a loud “thud.” I gave it a few minutes, then dragged my fat arse up the stairs to see “what now?!” was going on.

“Hello, Cupid.”

This is a cover for one of my studio lights, called a soft box. It's used in photography. Instead of folding it down and storing it, I have it sitting on top of a shelf in the foster room. Apparently, Cupid go up into the shelf, then into the soft box, then fell. Once she landed, she realized she could not get OUT of the contraption!

When I walked into the room, she just sat there and stared at me. If I hadn't checked on her...yikes...she might have had a bad night and I might of had a poop filled soft box...so to speak.

I think Cupid was embarrassed and I was certainly amused. Amused enough so that I didn't help her right away. Bad foster mommy. I had to take photos first. Hey, I have my priorities.

Dear Clare,

Thank you for the homemade cat mats. I know I'm supposed to give them to the foster cats-and I will, but I had to “test drive” one on my cats first.

Dear Clare,

What did you put in the cat mat? Spencer's sense of smell is poor. Normally he isn't interested in catnip. Is there something you want to tell me? Spencer is bunny-kicking the shit out of this mat. His eyes are glazed over. What is going on?

Dear Clare,

My cats won't share. They want their own mat. If they don't get one, they'll spat.

Dear Clare,

There is more square feet of cat, than there is square foot of cat mat. Can you make me a bedspread sized one?

Dear Clare,

Do you know if there's a catnip rehab facility in Connecticut? I'm thinking Bob might need to go there. He looks like he's had a bit too much and Nicky can't stop rolling around and yeowling incoherently. I'm afraid the neighbors are going to call the cops.

Dear Clare,

Nora would like to know if you can rub her belly to maximize her user experience (since she can no longer reach her own belly).

Dear Clare,

Nicky also asked if you could rub something, but I had to edit out what he said. I blame the drugs for his ungentlemanly outburst...plus, he had a surgery a few years ago and that sort of limited his options in that department, anyway.

Dear Clare & All My Dear CiCH Readers,

It's friends like you that are like a big mat of catnip for me. I can wrap myself up in your comforting words and breathe deep, feeling suddenly quite invigorated and alive when only moments before I was too busy licking my wounds to do much else.

With Love,

Robin

At almost four months of age, Blitzen is looking like a proper kitty now.

After a long, miserable night, spent mostly with food poisoning and an empty bed, I managed to get up another day and begin the usual rounds of caring for the cats. Tomorrow Blitzen is slated to be neutered. I called the Vet to double check that it was still all right to bring him, bearing in mind he has something on his head that is...I'm not supposed to make a diagnosis to this Vet, but...it's RINGWORM, OK?

It's hard to hold a wiggly kitten still long enough to look and my close-up vision ain't what it used to be. It wasn't until I looked at the photos that I could see just how bad things were looking.

You tell me that's not ringworm!

There's the telltale crust. It's gotta be ringworm. I've been treating it topically, but I wonder if I should do more? I guess I can wait until the Vet sees him tomorrow. Of the 4 kittens, he was the sickest, the longest, so it's not a complete surprise, BUT..now what? What about his siblings? He's going to have to be with me another few weeks. There is no where to quarantine him too. Everyone has been exposed. I'm in full “fuck-it” mode about this ringworm nightmare.

Sick or not, I've really fallen for this little guy. I'm not sure I can part with him. Maybe I'm willing him to stay here and he's responding by getting sick again? Sure. I have super powers. Why can't I have the super power that wins me a huge lottery payout?

I'd settle for super powers that make Blitzen be the last cat (or PERSON) I EVER see with RINGWORM!

I was just thinking about this blog post. How I was going to write that this is it. In a few days, I can start putting some of the fosters up for adoption. FINALLY! We have an adoption event coming up on March 6th. Perfect!

About 5 minutes after I took this photo of me with Blitzen, I thought I would check on this bloody scratch I found on his head a few days ago. I couldn't really see it, but it felt crusty. My heart sank.

I got Sam to hold Blitz for me so I could look with a magnifying lens. Yeah, looked ringwormy. Then I got out my black light and looked again. I think it was florescing green-the telltale sign but his tear ducts looked a bit green, too.

So tomorrow I'll see if I can get the little bugger over to see Dr. Larry. If it IS ringworm, I can probably kiss any hope of getting this kittens adopted before they are adults, out the window. At almost three months off schedule, this is just killing me to have them here this long.

Oh well. Not like this is all that surprising. What I'm waiting for is for ME to get it. I predict I will get a big BALD ringworm lesion on my head just around my birthday in April and my trip to attend BlogPaws. Just you wait. I said it here, first!