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Foster Cat Journal: Talking Myself Off the Ledge

I knew today would be tough. Donner and Dancer were slated to be adopted together. I was somewhat prepared to let them go, knowing they were going to a good home. Sure, I would cry, but they need to be with a new family who will love them always.

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Little Donner. ©2010 Ryan Feminella

A few minutes before the adopters arrived, I noticed that Dancer had a bald patch on her leg-surely not today...no...not RINGWORM again?!!! I began to worry that if Dancer had to stay behind, then Donner would go alone and I could not allow that. Donner is far too social of a cat to be without the company of another cat. This family had no other pets. In fact, it's been so long that they had anything other than fish, they had no Vet reference. I was willing to overlook that because they would not let the cats outdoors, not declaw them and were certainly willing to feed them a grain free canned food diet-maybe even raw. They were going to take the kittens to my own Vet, too. So maybe it would be okay?

Then the family arrived. All six of them. The youngest was 11 and the oldest child is in college. I felt like it would be too much for Dancer to handle and the poor cat freaked out. She showed terribly and if Donner hadn't been so fantastic, I doubt they would have adopted the kittens. My heart began to sink. I just thought that maybe it was too much. That how could I adopt to people with no Vet reference? They didn't seem to be madly in love with the kittens. Maybe something was wrong. I can't say exactly why, but I started to feel that maybe this was not a good idea...but it was too late.

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Dancer looking lovely as ever. ©2010 Ryan Feminella

I tried to talk them out of the adoption-offering them first pick of the next litter due in a month or so. They said they had been looking for a long time and that they were sure these were the right kittens. The eldest daughter said she knew the kittens needed time and that it would be all right for them, but I kept hoping they would change their minds-even after knowing that Dancer probably had ringworm.

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My sweet muffin, Donner. ©2010 Robin Olson

Apparently, the two youngest boys do wrestling in school and perked up when I mentioned ringworm. One of them casually replied; “ Oh yeah, if a kid gets ringworm, he can't wrestle. It happens all the time!” Yikes! Their stepmom looked worried about it, but they all assured her it was not a big deal.

I called Dr. Larry and made them an appointment for the kittens. At least I know they will, hopefully, continue to use him as their Vet and that way I'll get some updates on how they're doing. I offered to pay for the visit, since Dancer will need medications and a DTM. I should have kept her here for another 30 days, but the adopters wanted her today. There was just no keeping them here. The giant band-aid had to come off and boy did it hurt.

I'm very thankful that Jennifer called me while I was writing this post. I cried for the better part of an hour after everyone left. Sam comforted me as best he could, but somehow it wasn't until Jennifer talked to me-my comrade in mourning-that things didn't feel quite so painful. She smartly reminded me of another adoption I did last year. I was SO sure it was the PERFECT family for my one little kitten. They were going to dote on her and they had a big McMansion, etc...

Then, Jennifer and I paid them a visit. Once there we both got the creeps, very bad creeps. These folks wanted to adopt another kitten from me and I kept putting them off-for MONTHS. I was sure they were not great adopters and I had wished I hadn't adopted to them at all. Jennifer reminded me that where I thought these guys were perfect, they were lacking. That the adopted kitten should be all right, but no more should go to this home-ever. That perhaps, the people who adopted from me today, might not appear to be that great on paper, but may, in the end, turn out to provide a big, loving home, for two cats who have carved a place in my heart, forever.

Foster Cat Journal: Fare Thee Well

December 17, 2009. 7pm EST. A date and time I will never forget. It was the start of a three month long trial that shook my resolve to the core and left me questioning whether or not I could go on. It ripped my very long term relationship into shreds. It broke my heart. It left me crying and raging, all for a handful of homeless shelter cats.

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Donner, Prancer, Dancer and Blitzen the day they arrived.

The journey of Santa's Team is ending. No more medicating wriggling kittens 50 times a day. No more force feeding them or endless Vet runs. It's done now. We made it. We're all okay and now...my little wards are leaving the “nest” just hours after Jennifer's two were adopted.

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Prancer & Dancer. ©2010 Photo by Ryan Feminella (my nephew!)

Yesterday, a family from Newtown met Dancer and Prancer. Though we all wished the two girls could stay together, they could only take one. Prancer left with them in a brand new cat carrier, off to meet her new friend, Luna. She will be renamed, Bella. A nice match and a pretty name for a quirky kitten. I'm invited to stop over and visit “any time” and was promised lots of photos and updates. I think Prancer will be happy with her new family. I hope she's not missing us too much.

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Prancer. ©2010 Photo by Ryan Feminella

Donner was supposed to be adopted yesterday, too, but I put a stop to it. I've never had to tell someone to their face that I couldn't go on with an adoption and I feel terrible about it. I screened the young applicants as best I could. Some things didn't add up and I pressed them for more information. I found out they lied on their form and they declared it was not done to deceive, but an innocent mistake. The damage was done. I kept trying to make it work and I should have stopped the adoption the second I found out about the lie, but I wanted to give them a chance. In the end, I discovered some other things that weren't so hot and I realized I had to trust my instincts. It was not a stable placement for Donner. For now, she's staying with me until I can sort things out for her.

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Donner. ©2010 Photo by Ryan Feminella

It would be one thing I was selling a car, but this is a living creature who may live 20 or more years. As much as I didn't want to hurt someone's feelings, I'd rather have them hate me, than let Donner go somewhere that wasn't right for her.

Last night, another cat was adopted. It's Cupid's turn.

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Mama. Cupid. ©2009 Photo by Henry County Care & Control

Cupid-what a journey you've made. From an emaciated Mama, on the verge of being euthanized to weighing more than twice what you did when you arrived, with a glossy, soft coat and life in your eyes. I did this. I fattened you up. I saved your life. This is one of the most meaningful things I have ever done. It really hurts to see you leave, but there's so much joy in my heart and so much relief. Cupid didn't have to die on a cold steel table in a heartless shelter. She is the living proof all the effort was worth it.

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Cupid, today-chubby and content. ©2010 Photo by Robin Olson

Now Cupid will get a break from her kittens-one that will last the rest of her life. She'll be the only cat in a well-to-do family's home. She'll have two doggie friends and a kind 9 year old boy and his toddler sister to play with. Their Au Pair from Uruguay can't wait for Cupid to arrive and has asked if Cupid can live in her room with her, until Cupid adjusts to her new home. She will make sure everyone is looked after and loved and Cupid will never have a worry again. Her new parents are going to feed her a raw diet!!! They also are spending the next few days shopping for her, so they've asked me to hold her until Friday, while they buy her cat trees and scratching posts, toys and get the raw food ready, too. I could not ask for more!

As much as I'd like her to go with one of her kittens, I see her frustration and anger towards them some times. I think she'll enjoy being pampered and I know, in time, any sadness she'll have will be replaced by the love of her new family.

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Cupid and Dancer kiss goodbye. ©2010 Photo by Robin Olson

That will leave, of the original nine cats, just three: Donner, Blitzen and Dancer. Since I first wrote this article, there's been an update. In a few hours, a family is coming to meet Dancer and Donner. They've wanted a cat for months and have been searching for the right fit. They're very excited to meet the girls and with no pets, other than fish, the girls will be spoiled rotten. Saying goodbye to Donner will be very very tough. She was my inspiration to rescue this cat-family. When I saw her little face, I knew I had to do something.

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How do you say, No to those faces? Photo taken at Henry Co. Care & Control in GA.

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Donner & Blitzen today. ©2010 Photo by Ryan Feminella

There is one other bit of news. There's been a gesture made to me. A folded note, left upon my desk, with words that brought more tears. From Sam, to me...not a goodbye, but one last promise. That no matter what happens to us and whatever we choose to do next, he will love me forever-even if it means farewell and our paths go separate directions.

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My heart is not so cold that his words did not effect me. While there is no certainty of what tomorrow will bring, perhaps it's time to put our weapons down and remember what's important?

My lonely ring finger has its' old friend back. My lonely heart has a glimmer of hope and my lonely life isn't so lonely after all.

To my little foster babies. Good luck on your next adventure. May you live long and happy lives.

Foster Cat Journal: Cat in the...what?

Last night while I was sitting at my desk, surfing the net, I heard a loud noise from the foster room, which is on the floor above my office.
Okay, so I'm not great about looking in on every single loud noise I hear. Usually, the cats have either unplugged the cable box or knocked books onto the floor, but this sound was rather a loud “thud.” I gave it a few minutes, then dragged my fat arse up the stairs to see “what now?!” was going on.

“Hello, Cupid.”

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This is a cover for one of my studio lights, called a soft box. It's used in photography. Instead of folding it down and storing it, I have it sitting on top of a shelf in the foster room. Apparently, Cupid go up into the shelf, then into the soft box, then fell. Once she landed, she realized she could not get OUT of the contraption!

When I walked into the room, she just sat there and stared at me. If I hadn't checked on her...yikes...she might have had a bad night and I might of had a poop filled soft box...so to speak.

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I think Cupid was embarrassed and I was certainly amused. Amused enough so that I didn't help her right away. Bad foster mommy. I had to take photos first. Hey, I have my priorities.

Foster Cat Journal: I'm in Big Trouble

People often ask me; ”How can you let foster cats go? Don't you miss them? Doesn't it make you sad? Cry?”

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I energetically answer that if I don't adopt them out, I can't rescue more. I already have seven cats, which is more than plenty. It's not wise to add on to the “family” for a variety of reasons. Sure, it hurts when the cats leave, but usually they're only here from just a few days to a few weeks. If that's the case, hey, anyone can do this. Just keep them moving in, then leaving promptly. It's doable.

What happens when it's NOT the case? What happens not only when you've had foster cats for a few MONTHS, but what if they were all sick? They all needed you? Some were so sick you didn't know if they would survive? How can you not become deeply attached?

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How do you let THOSE foster cats go?

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Jennifer has been caring for Rudy & Comet for months. They are no longer in their foster room, but have the full run of the house. They frolic and play and love life. Jennifer's been crying, thinking about them leaving. I've been reminding her that we'll find them a great home and we'll keep them together if we can. That she can't adopt more cats. Jennifer not only has plenty of cats, too, but she has seniors and special needs kitties. Adding two spunky kittens to that mix would not be good in the long term.

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I'm not telling her anything she hasn't told herself. She's steeling herself for the day, which may come VERY soon, for when she has to say goodbye to them and I feel really bad about that. I never wanted her to have a bad experience fostering, but I can't protect her from this.

I, too, am faced with the same thing.

Today was the big day. After MONTHS of struggle, I was able to put all but Blitzen on Petfinder. The cats are ready to go, at last!

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The problem is...in looking over my photos and selecting the ones that are the cutest and will garner lots of interested adopters, I found myself awash in tears. I could barely type out a description or upload a photo. I'm still crying now.

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I just kept looking at their faces. I missed them and they are still here. I never want any of them to leave. They've all captured my heart and I honestly don't know if I can be here when they get adopted.

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And if this wasn't painful enough, Sam and I are done after 17 years. I am flat out heartbroken. The person I used to be able to go to when I was sad and needed a hug is lost to me, probably forever.

I have lost so much in my life. I don't know how to go on.

I suppose this is what they call burnout or just a big, bad bump in the road? Whatever it's called, I don't recommend it.

Well, That Didn't Take Long!

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Abby found her forever home! Apparently she won a nice lady over with her charms and sweetness. Abby will never have to fear for her safety or health again. All she will know is lots of love!

Congratulations, Abby and her new family! And THANK YOU to everyone who got the word out on the behalf of this lovely lady!

Foster Cat Journal: Last One Saved

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Cupid has no idea how lucky she is to be alive. Not only did she escape a High Kill Shelter when she had less than 24hrs before she was separated from her offspring and very likely to be put down, but she survived a thousand mile transport, and being nursed on to the point of almost killing her. Cupid got sick, too and has managed to recover enough to be spayed. She relapsed a bit, but nothing serious. She's gained a few POUNDS in just over a month. This lady has won the lottery a million times over.

The time has come to start finding Cupid the perfect home. I've already had to say, “No” to an adopter. It's just not a good fit. Cupid is not going to be an outdoor cat. She's been through too much and her coat is finally sleek and beautiful. To allow her to run around, risk getting parasites, fleas, injured, you know the drill...well I just can't do it. Sure, we do adopt out to folks who let their cats outdoors, but we also have special circumstances and this is one. Cupid will have the best life I can give her and the best home I can find. I would rather say no again and again, until it really feels “right” to me. I don't care how long it takes.

I have lots of time, now. I won't be fostering any more cats until “Kitten Season” kicks in in our town in May.

Cupid is the last mama-cat I can save from Georgia. We will no longer be doing any transports other than with our new partner New Hope, a group affiliated with Animal Care & Control in NYC. It was not my decision to end doing transports and I understand why we have to pull back, but I hope to find a way to help the cats of Georgia. They are in such dire need, we all need to band together and find a solution for the overpopulation problem and the over-euthanasia problems there.

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I am forced to close my doors, but I will never close my heart.

Cupid and her kittens made it. All the others I was lucky enough to get here before her were lucky, too. They were also the prettiest, sweetest cats I've ever had the pleasure of dealing with-all 32 of them.

I feel badly turning my back on the ones in Georgia that need help the most, but I look at it as only temporary, until I can find another way to help. If any of you are interested in helping cats in Georgia, let me know. Maybe we can team up and do something amazing!

Foster Cat Journal: Improvements & Disappointments Part 2

Cupid had a second blood test. It confirmed that her kidneys are functioning properly, but that she's still battling an infection. Her stats were much better and she did gain a pound, which I mentioned, a few days ago. Her coat is marvelous and her personality is starting to come out. I've been keeping her separated from the kittens so her glands can dry up. When the kittens approach her she'll smack them or bite them, trying to get them to leave her alone, but Donner won't give up and goes straight for a nipple. I don't let her suckle. I'm fearful that Cupid will get mastitis. So far, so good. Just a few more days and I shouldn't have to confine her or the kittens any more. I honestly hate doing it, but I must. Cupid needs to dry out. Those kittens are too big and could really hurt her now.

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Cupid is so easy-going, she didn't even care about getting blood drawn! She's a great kitty!

What surprises me is seeing Cupid play. She's finally interested in some of the toys, though she still backs off if the kittens are near her. I take her into my bedroom occasionally, to give her a break and that's when I see her open up. She'll roll on the carpet, put her paws in the air. She'll drink from the faucet or chase after a toy. I can hold her for a few moments and she'll sit comfortably in my arms, but she just won't sit on my lap-or even near me. I hope that once she's away from the kittens, she'll be able to blossom even further.

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I can't seem to get a photo of Cupid looking happy, but I'm working on it! I'm sure she's getting tired of being a Mama and ready to move on to other things.

Of the four kittens, Prancer seems to be doing well. The others: Blitzen, Donner and Dancer have on and off problems, especially with their sinuses and their eyes. Blitzen, in particular is doing the worst. He's such a sweet boy and so beautiful, but he's snorting and has a slight infection by his nose. His eyes are runny and I think I've gone through at least three or four bottles of eye drops and antibiotic ointment. I'm still giving a ton of meds to the cats, daily. It's not that big of a deal, but it's causing two of the kittens to be shy when they see hands coming near them. I'm trying to offset the bad-giving meds, with the good-play time. I don't want the twice (or more) daily meds to make them nasty grown up cats. It's tough to wrangle them and somehow make it a nice experience for them. I just try to be FAST and get it done.

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Blitzen is still struggling with an eye infection, sinus issues and an infection near his nose.

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...but he is still gorgeous!

Donner, too, who was doing great, then started to have eye problems! It's amazing just how long this shit is taking to work itself out of this cat-famly. The Vet said these things can take weeks to resolve. She wasn't kidding. The problem for me is not only am I unable to help any more kittens, but worse-I am getting attached to Donner and Blitzen. It's going to be tough to say goodbye to ANY of these cats since we've been through so much together, but Donner, who sleeps under my chin and Blitz, who is just the sweetest natured cutey-who will lay belly up on me and sleep, too...well I am smitten. I've done well. In the almost five years I've been with ANC I have not adopted ONE cat. I've been sad MANY times when the kittens have left, but I know I'm doing what I must do. Now I'm not so sure I can do it this time, too.

How can you say, NO, to this face???

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So we're all hanging in there. I took a few days to do little else, but care for the cats, so I wouldn't lose my mind. Sam and I faced the edge of the cliff-we discussed ending our 16+ year relationship. It was the most serious, sad, depressing conversation we've ever had. I think we both sat with the feeling of what it would be like if we could not move forward together any longer. There was nothing coarse or cruel about it. It was just deeply sad and heartbreaking. I shared some things with him and I think that doing so opened things back up in our relationship. Sam was willing to listen and to understand what I was saying. It must have made a difference because after that and another good cry and more “alone time” we managed to dust ourselves off, take a deep breath, and slowly try to get back on our feet.

Perhaps like dealing with a house full of sick cats, things had to hit the bottom before they could start to improve? I guess time will tell.

Helping Animals in Need in Haiti

Thanks to our reader, Mary, she posted a link in the comment section of my last post regarding where to make donations to help the animals of Haiti. You can make your donation by visiting:
WSPA, Animals in Disasters Blog.

I did a bit of digging around because this web site didn't seem very legit. I found more info and sounds like these guys ARE doing the work, according to Charity Navigator, an online resource for checking out charities. Here's the info so you can decide for yourself if you'd like to make a donation: WSPCA on Charity Navigator and here's their main web site, too.

So you can donate through their blog, or via their web site, whichever you prefer.

Wee Bit o' News

I'm feeing a bit under the weather today, so I'm gonna keep this short. Today I took Cupid & the kittens to the Vet for a re-check. I'll give you all the details, along with photos tomorrow, but there's one thing I'd like to tell you now:

CUPID GAINED A POUND IN A WEEK!!!!!!!

This is what happens when you don't let kittens nurse on their poor, tired Mama! Cupid FEELS so much more like a “normal” cat now. Honestly, she was just skin and bones before. I'm so glad for her, but I HAVE to keep her separated from the kittens, which means usually she has to be locked in the dog crate while the kittens run around loose. It sucks, but it's for the best. As you know, I take Mama out to my bedroom for breaks so she can stretch out for awhile. I really like her. I just wish she'd want to snuggle with me, but so far she's content to sit a few feet away and hang out.

More tomorrow, with any luck...

2009: It's Been Quite a Year!

This was a banner year for me, featuring not only the MOST cats I've rescued to date, but some of the most interesting and surprising rescues!

Some of the highlights include:

My first rescue from a Kill Shelter where I saved Huggy Mama, her two offspring, “Last Chance” Mama and her two offspring. All the cats have great homes (especially LC, who was adopted by her foster mama, Jennifer!)

Dealt with a flea infestation from Callalily and her five kittens!

Had my first trial by fire when 4 kittens from South Carolina got really sick with a URI (I know better now that it wasn't that big of a deal compared to what I'm dealing with now!)

Did my biggest rescue of nine cats from ONE shelter! All were vetted and placed in great homes in just over a WEEK!

TWEETIE! Not only socialized a feral kitten, giving him a shot at an easy life with a family, but got him adopted by the “Internet's Most Famous Cat”-Sockington!

Will the cat who was hit-by-car in South Carolina, with no hope to be rescued, I lucked out, wrote a few emails and not only got him help, but ended up bringing him to Connecticut to be adopted by our most marvelous CiCH friend, Clare!

Helped matchmake some geriatric kitties into loving homes and found a forever home for an abandoned kitty in South Carolina named Dolly.

Helped get the word out on Dewey, the Orange Kitty who was abandoned at my Vet's office. He was finally adopted by Dr. M!

Fostered, rescued, cared for and found homes for about 50 cats and kittens! (One, Dewey, I don't count since I didn't foster him, but he is shown below and, of course, my sick kitties aren't adopted just yet.)

It's been quite a year, with many great highlights. With any luck, next year will be just as great, if not better!

Happy New Year!

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