Cute Photo

©2008 Robin A.F. Olson

From 2008. This is Poppy a few days after she was born. She's all grown up now, with her own forever family. She was one of the babies I still miss.

I'm definitely jonesing for some teenie tiny kittens in the house!

...I toss and turn. I'm still in the throes of doing my blasted taxes. I'm in a foul mood. I don't see the sense in wasting days of my life, adding up countless receipts because when it's all said and done, I probably won't owe any taxes and I won't deserve a refund. So why bother?

Last night I did a home visit for DRNA. They posted a message about needing help here in Newtown, so I offered. Along with my home visit, I had to fill out a very comprehensive form, detailing my visit. It made me realize how little we ask of our own adopters. We certainly don't do a home visit and we only ask that they don't declaw the cat and have their other animals up to date on vaccines and wellness exams. That's about it.

After the home visit, which went fine, we stopped at the grocery store to buy cat litter. Who should I run into but the dad and two sons of the family I adopted Donner & Dancer to. In the guy's hands was a stack of canned food-the cheapest, most awful crap you can imagine. It was 20 cans for $7; full of grain and mystery meat products. I almost screamed.

I did my best to be friendly about it and he said he didn't know how to tell it had grain or not and I reminded him that he can't buy grain free in a grocery store-which also pisses me off. Why can't you get good cat food at the grocer? At least you can't get it around here. There wasn't anything I could do. I said I'd send him info and he bought the crap food.

Once home, I sent him a long email with links to cat food resources and a discount code. I could not sleep. I kept thinking about how awful this was and that they said Dancer was still very scared-probably because there are two rambunctious boys in the house. I imagine her cowering in fear and growing into a messed up adult. I want to think the best of these people, but I really f-cked up. I should not have adopted to them, but the deed is done. I can't go get the cats when I don't have a great reason to do so. Now I fear the cats will become fat and unhealthy and I wonder if they will even keep up with Vet visits? Will they even keep them indoor only, as promised?

I'm sick about this. I know it could be worse. Even two of my best friends, who adopted from me two years ago, feed crappy cat food and the cats are chubby but they are loved so very much. They seem to be content in their home and maybe that is enough?

I knew today would be tough. Donner and Dancer were slated to be adopted together. I was somewhat prepared to let them go, knowing they were going to a good home. Sure, I would cry, but they need to be with a new family who will love them always.

Little Donner. ©2010 Ryan Feminella

A few minutes before the adopters arrived, I noticed that Dancer had a bald patch on her leg-surely not today...no...not RINGWORM again?!!! I began to worry that if Dancer had to stay behind, then Donner would go alone and I could not allow that. Donner is far too social of a cat to be without the company of another cat. This family had no other pets. In fact, it's been so long that they had anything other than fish, they had no Vet reference. I was willing to overlook that because they would not let the cats outdoors, not declaw them and were certainly willing to feed them a grain free canned food diet-maybe even raw. They were going to take the kittens to my own Vet, too. So maybe it would be okay?

Then the family arrived. All six of them. The youngest was 11 and the oldest child is in college. I felt like it would be too much for Dancer to handle and the poor cat freaked out. She showed terribly and if Donner hadn't been so fantastic, I doubt they would have adopted the kittens. My heart began to sink. I just thought that maybe it was too much. That how could I adopt to people with no Vet reference? They didn't seem to be madly in love with the kittens. Maybe something was wrong. I can't say exactly why, but I started to feel that maybe this was not a good idea...but it was too late.

Dancer looking lovely as ever. ©2010 Ryan Feminella

I tried to talk them out of the adoption-offering them first pick of the next litter due in a month or so. They said they had been looking for a long time and that they were sure these were the right kittens. The eldest daughter said she knew the kittens needed time and that it would be all right for them, but I kept hoping they would change their minds-even after knowing that Dancer probably had ringworm.

My sweet muffin, Donner. ©2010 Robin Olson

Apparently, the two youngest boys do wrestling in school and perked up when I mentioned ringworm. One of them casually replied; “ Oh yeah, if a kid gets ringworm, he can't wrestle. It happens all the time!” Yikes! Their stepmom looked worried about it, but they all assured her it was not a big deal.

I called Dr. Larry and made them an appointment for the kittens. At least I know they will, hopefully, continue to use him as their Vet and that way I'll get some updates on how they're doing. I offered to pay for the visit, since Dancer will need medications and a DTM. I should have kept her here for another 30 days, but the adopters wanted her today. There was just no keeping them here. The giant band-aid had to come off and boy did it hurt.

I'm very thankful that Jennifer called me while I was writing this post. I cried for the better part of an hour after everyone left. Sam comforted me as best he could, but somehow it wasn't until Jennifer talked to me-my comrade in mourning-that things didn't feel quite so painful. She smartly reminded me of another adoption I did last year. I was SO sure it was the PERFECT family for my one little kitten. They were going to dote on her and they had a big McMansion, etc...

Then, Jennifer and I paid them a visit. Once there we both got the creeps, very bad creeps. These folks wanted to adopt another kitten from me and I kept putting them off-for MONTHS. I was sure they were not great adopters and I had wished I hadn't adopted to them at all. Jennifer reminded me that where I thought these guys were perfect, they were lacking. That the adopted kitten should be all right, but no more should go to this home-ever. That perhaps, the people who adopted from me today, might not appear to be that great on paper, but may, in the end, turn out to provide a big, loving home, for two cats who have carved a place in my heart, forever.

December 17, 2009. 7pm EST. A date and time I will never forget. It was the start of a three month long trial that shook my resolve to the core and left me questioning whether or not I could go on. It ripped my very long term relationship into shreds. It broke my heart. It left me crying and raging, all for a handful of homeless shelter cats.

Donner, Prancer, Dancer and Blitzen the day they arrived.

The journey of Santa's Team is ending. No more medicating wriggling kittens 50 times a day. No more force feeding them or endless Vet runs. It's done now. We made it. We're all okay and now...my little wards are leaving the “nest” just hours after Jennifer's two were adopted.

Prancer & Dancer. ©2010 Photo by Ryan Feminella (my nephew!)

Yesterday, a family from Newtown met Dancer and Prancer. Though we all wished the two girls could stay together, they could only take one. Prancer left with them in a brand new cat carrier, off to meet her new friend, Luna. She will be renamed, Bella. A nice match and a pretty name for a quirky kitten. I'm invited to stop over and visit “any time” and was promised lots of photos and updates. I think Prancer will be happy with her new family. I hope she's not missing us too much.

Prancer. ©2010 Photo by Ryan Feminella

Donner was supposed to be adopted yesterday, too, but I put a stop to it. I've never had to tell someone to their face that I couldn't go on with an adoption and I feel terrible about it. I screened the young applicants as best I could. Some things didn't add up and I pressed them for more information. I found out they lied on their form and they declared it was not done to deceive, but an innocent mistake. The damage was done. I kept trying to make it work and I should have stopped the adoption the second I found out about the lie, but I wanted to give them a chance. In the end, I discovered some other things that weren't so hot and I realized I had to trust my instincts. It was not a stable placement for Donner. For now, she's staying with me until I can sort things out for her.

Donner. ©2010 Photo by Ryan Feminella

It would be one thing I was selling a car, but this is a living creature who may live 20 or more years. As much as I didn't want to hurt someone's feelings, I'd rather have them hate me, than let Donner go somewhere that wasn't right for her.

Last night, another cat was adopted. It's Cupid's turn.

Mama. Cupid. ©2009 Photo by Henry County Care & Control

Cupid-what a journey you've made. From an emaciated Mama, on the verge of being euthanized to weighing more than twice what you did when you arrived, with a glossy, soft coat and life in your eyes. I did this. I fattened you up. I saved your life. This is one of the most meaningful things I have ever done. It really hurts to see you leave, but there's so much joy in my heart and so much relief. Cupid didn't have to die on a cold steel table in a heartless shelter. She is the living proof all the effort was worth it.

Cupid, today-chubby and content. ©2010 Photo by Robin Olson

Now Cupid will get a break from her kittens-one that will last the rest of her life. She'll be the only cat in a well-to-do family's home. She'll have two doggie friends and a kind 9 year old boy and his toddler sister to play with. Their Au Pair from Uruguay can't wait for Cupid to arrive and has asked if Cupid can live in her room with her, until Cupid adjusts to her new home. She will make sure everyone is looked after and loved and Cupid will never have a worry again. Her new parents are going to feed her a raw diet!!! They also are spending the next few days shopping for her, so they've asked me to hold her until Friday, while they buy her cat trees and scratching posts, toys and get the raw food ready, too. I could not ask for more!

As much as I'd like her to go with one of her kittens, I see her frustration and anger towards them some times. I think she'll enjoy being pampered and I know, in time, any sadness she'll have will be replaced by the love of her new family.

Cupid and Dancer kiss goodbye. ©2010 Photo by Robin Olson

That will leave, of the original nine cats, just three: Donner, Blitzen and Dancer. Since I first wrote this article, there's been an update. In a few hours, a family is coming to meet Dancer and Donner. They've wanted a cat for months and have been searching for the right fit. They're very excited to meet the girls and with no pets, other than fish, the girls will be spoiled rotten. Saying goodbye to Donner will be very very tough. She was my inspiration to rescue this cat-family. When I saw her little face, I knew I had to do something.

How do you say, No to those faces? Photo taken at Henry Co. Care & Control in GA.

Donner & Blitzen today. ©2010 Photo by Ryan Feminella

There is one other bit of news. There's been a gesture made to me. A folded note, left upon my desk, with words that brought more tears. From Sam, to me...not a goodbye, but one last promise. That no matter what happens to us and whatever we choose to do next, he will love me forever-even if it means farewell and our paths go separate directions.

My heart is not so cold that his words did not effect me. While there is no certainty of what tomorrow will bring, perhaps it's time to put our weapons down and remember what's important?

My lonely ring finger has its' old friend back. My lonely heart has a glimmer of hope and my lonely life isn't so lonely after all.

To my little foster babies. Good luck on your next adventure. May you live long and happy lives.

I was going to post a big article today about some recent events but I've had to hold off on publishing it for another day. In the meantime, please enjoy this uber-cute photo my nephew, Ryan, shot of the girls: Prancer & Dancer!

©2010 Ryan C. Feminella

The first hint of Spring arrived today with sunny skies and the first temperatures over 50°F. A perfect day for our Adoption Event!

Comet and Rudy, two of Santa's Team, were able to be at the event. Sadly my guys had to stay home due to Blitzen still having ringworm. In a way, I was glad. I don't want them to go, but they're all so big and feisty. I know they need more space to play in and I know they're ready to go, too.

I already had pre-approved a nice couple from right here in Newtown to adopt Rudy & Comet, but I wasn't sure that they were going to stop by today. I didn't have to wait long to find out. Shortly after we got set up, they introduced themselves and asked to meet the kitties.

Jennifer was delayed. Traffic was halted on the Interstate, so they waited around and we chatted. They seem like great folks, have one other cat and are hoping to add two more to their family.

When Jennifer arrived, I felt a mix of dread and joy. I knew this was going to be hard on her and her husband, but I knew it was time for Rudy and Comet to start the next part of their journey-and hopefully their last.

The couple was smitten. Jennifer got to quiz them and make sure that they were the right family for her fosters. Everyone agreed it was a good match so we filled out the Contract and handed over their medical records and the last bit of Rudy's medicine. Jennifer got teared up, but did a great job not balling her head off! I can't say I would have done as well. I had to fight back tears, too. These two cats almost died—first they were saved from a Kill Shelter, then arrived in such poor condition that I almost lost them, then. Comet has gained about 4 lbs. Rudy, the same. They both survived their battles and are loving, wonderful creatures. I couldn't help but think about that as I loaded them into their cat carrier and said by goodbye to them.

Tomorrow, Donner and Prancer will probably be adopted and Monday, may see Dancer and yes, CUPID being adopted, as well. That will leave me with Blitzen, who has to stay with us until his 30 day ringworm treatment is over...or...maybe he'll stay a bit longer? We'll see.

For now, let's raise our glasses high and drink deeply in the satisfaction that another two lives are truly saved. We won another battle! Hurrah!

Rumor has it that Rudy and Comet may be renamed; Leroy and Ziva from NCIS! Seen here with their new family! Yay!

Dear Clare,

Thank you for the homemade cat mats. I know I'm supposed to give them to the foster cats-and I will, but I had to “test drive” one on my cats first.

Dear Clare,

What did you put in the cat mat? Spencer's sense of smell is poor. Normally he isn't interested in catnip. Is there something you want to tell me? Spencer is bunny-kicking the shit out of this mat. His eyes are glazed over. What is going on?

Dear Clare,

My cats won't share. They want their own mat. If they don't get one, they'll spat.

Dear Clare,

There is more square feet of cat, than there is square foot of cat mat. Can you make me a bedspread sized one?

Dear Clare,

Do you know if there's a catnip rehab facility in Connecticut? I'm thinking Bob might need to go there. He looks like he's had a bit too much and Nicky can't stop rolling around and yeowling incoherently. I'm afraid the neighbors are going to call the cops.

Dear Clare,

Nora would like to know if you can rub her belly to maximize her user experience (since she can no longer reach her own belly).

Dear Clare,

Nicky also asked if you could rub something, but I had to edit out what he said. I blame the drugs for his ungentlemanly outburst...plus, he had a surgery a few years ago and that sort of limited his options in that department, anyway.

Dear Clare & All My Dear CiCH Readers,

It's friends like you that are like a big mat of catnip for me. I can wrap myself up in your comforting words and breathe deep, feeling suddenly quite invigorated and alive when only moments before I was too busy licking my wounds to do much else.

With Love,

Robin

People often ask me; ”How can you let foster cats go? Don't you miss them? Doesn't it make you sad? Cry?”

I energetically answer that if I don't adopt them out, I can't rescue more. I already have seven cats, which is more than plenty. It's not wise to add on to the “family” for a variety of reasons. Sure, it hurts when the cats leave, but usually they're only here from just a few days to a few weeks. If that's the case, hey, anyone can do this. Just keep them moving in, then leaving promptly. It's doable.

What happens when it's NOT the case? What happens not only when you've had foster cats for a few MONTHS, but what if they were all sick? They all needed you? Some were so sick you didn't know if they would survive? How can you not become deeply attached?

How do you let THOSE foster cats go?

Jennifer has been caring for Rudy & Comet for months. They are no longer in their foster room, but have the full run of the house. They frolic and play and love life. Jennifer's been crying, thinking about them leaving. I've been reminding her that we'll find them a great home and we'll keep them together if we can. That she can't adopt more cats. Jennifer not only has plenty of cats, too, but she has seniors and special needs kitties. Adding two spunky kittens to that mix would not be good in the long term.

I'm not telling her anything she hasn't told herself. She's steeling herself for the day, which may come VERY soon, for when she has to say goodbye to them and I feel really bad about that. I never wanted her to have a bad experience fostering, but I can't protect her from this.

I, too, am faced with the same thing.

Today was the big day. After MONTHS of struggle, I was able to put all but Blitzen on Petfinder. The cats are ready to go, at last!

The problem is...in looking over my photos and selecting the ones that are the cutest and will garner lots of interested adopters, I found myself awash in tears. I could barely type out a description or upload a photo. I'm still crying now.

I just kept looking at their faces. I missed them and they are still here. I never want any of them to leave. They've all captured my heart and I honestly don't know if I can be here when they get adopted.

And if this wasn't painful enough, Sam and I are done after 17 years. I am flat out heartbroken. The person I used to be able to go to when I was sad and needed a hug is lost to me, probably forever.

I have lost so much in my life. I don't know how to go on.

I suppose this is what they call burnout or just a big, bad bump in the road? Whatever it's called, I don't recommend it.

At almost four months of age, Blitzen is looking like a proper kitty now.

After a long, miserable night, spent mostly with food poisoning and an empty bed, I managed to get up another day and begin the usual rounds of caring for the cats. Tomorrow Blitzen is slated to be neutered. I called the Vet to double check that it was still all right to bring him, bearing in mind he has something on his head that is...I'm not supposed to make a diagnosis to this Vet, but...it's RINGWORM, OK?

It's hard to hold a wiggly kitten still long enough to look and my close-up vision ain't what it used to be. It wasn't until I looked at the photos that I could see just how bad things were looking.

You tell me that's not ringworm!

There's the telltale crust. It's gotta be ringworm. I've been treating it topically, but I wonder if I should do more? I guess I can wait until the Vet sees him tomorrow. Of the 4 kittens, he was the sickest, the longest, so it's not a complete surprise, BUT..now what? What about his siblings? He's going to have to be with me another few weeks. There is no where to quarantine him too. Everyone has been exposed. I'm in full “fuck-it” mode about this ringworm nightmare.

Sick or not, I've really fallen for this little guy. I'm not sure I can part with him. Maybe I'm willing him to stay here and he's responding by getting sick again? Sure. I have super powers. Why can't I have the super power that wins me a huge lottery payout?

I'd settle for super powers that make Blitzen be the last cat (or PERSON) I EVER see with RINGWORM!

I was just thinking about this blog post. How I was going to write that this is it. In a few days, I can start putting some of the fosters up for adoption. FINALLY! We have an adoption event coming up on March 6th. Perfect!

About 5 minutes after I took this photo of me with Blitzen, I thought I would check on this bloody scratch I found on his head a few days ago. I couldn't really see it, but it felt crusty. My heart sank.

I got Sam to hold Blitz for me so I could look with a magnifying lens. Yeah, looked ringwormy. Then I got out my black light and looked again. I think it was florescing green-the telltale sign but his tear ducts looked a bit green, too.

So tomorrow I'll see if I can get the little bugger over to see Dr. Larry. If it IS ringworm, I can probably kiss any hope of getting this kittens adopted before they are adults, out the window. At almost three months off schedule, this is just killing me to have them here this long.

Oh well. Not like this is all that surprising. What I'm waiting for is for ME to get it. I predict I will get a big BALD ringworm lesion on my head just around my birthday in April and my trip to attend BlogPaws. Just you wait. I said it here, first!