Bob's Battle with Lymphoma: Fade Away

With all the horror and tragedy going on in the world, I've found myself unable to write. I don't see the point in talking about my cat having cancer or my foster kittens having a cold. It just doesn't seem worthy of description when thousands of Japanese people, and their pets were washed away in a tsunami or crushed in the 9.0 earthquake last week and the ones who survived, 450,000 are in shelters without much more than the clothes on their back.

I also find myself not wanting to look at the situation with Bob. It's so sharply painful, that perhaps I'm looking for reasons not to think about it, not to write about it. This isn't a cheerful story. It's one of great heartbreak, but just for one person and that doesn't seem to matter compared to so many worse things going on.

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©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Bob last month.

Last month, Sam and I had to make a choice. Either stop the weekly chemo treatments Bob was getting because we can't afford it any more or find another solution. It cost $600 a WEEK and we'd have to do it for 27 weeks. I haven't worked in a very long time. My finances are in the dumps. Bob was doing well on Elspar and Vincristine, but we asked Dr. I. if there were any other things we could do that would be as good, but not as costly. He suggested we could change Bob over to using Mitoxantrone. It would be every four weeks at $400 or so. We could certainly make this happen. I felt such relief that the burden of the costs would be lifted and we could give Bob a fighting chance to live.

I asked everyone I could about whether or not we should stop a successful protocol that we cannot go back to if the other chemo doesn't work. We were told the new chemo was well tolerated and that they had seen very good results with it so we felt good about moving forward.

So Bob had his first treatment about 5 weeks ago and the Vet now said it's $600.00 and every THREE weeks instead of every FOUR. The next morning after treatment, Bob's ears were filled with hot pink spots. He was itchy. He was eating, but not great. Dr. Larry thought it was the ringworm being ignited by the chemo. Dr. I. agreed. There was little to do other than to treat it topically.

It got worse. Slowly, at first, Bob's head lost fur. He looked terrible, but he still ate well and seemed perky. I still pushed the Vets about if it really was ringworm or a reaction to the chemo. No one could tell me other than if it was chemo it was a very rare reaction. That the fur would grow back after chemo-if we get that far.

Dr. Larry said that maybe a dermatologist would take Bob's case but with having FIV+, lymphoma, ringworm, etc., that it was unlikely there was much to be done. Then, he said if I was any other client, he would urge me to euthanize Bob to spare the other cats in the household from getting the ringworm. At the time I nodded, said I understood, but the more time has passed, the angrier I've become. I know what Bob is facing. I've had ringworm in the house for a year. He knows that. Most of the cats are fine, knock wood. MacGruber has a spot on his foot. That's it. It's a fungal infection. It sucks, but that's all it is.

Bob's losing his dignity, along with his fur, but he's still Bob. He was still eating and purring and hanging out with us. To even suggest I put him down...

He said we could give Bob a bath and it might help. At least he tried.

So we did.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

Bob either enjoyed the bath or was too tired to fight us. As I washed him, I started to see just how much fur he's losing...and he's losing it rapidly. His belly, which was shaved when he had surgery to remove 1/2 of his liver in December, had grown more bald. His head has comical spikes and clumps of fur, but he's mostly bald now. His paws have small spots of fur loss. It won't be much longer before Bob has no fur at all. His once beautiful orange fur, will be gone, maybe forever.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

I'm freaked out and don't know what to do or where to turn for help. I feel the Vets have washed their hands of this but maybe no one can help now? I'm not a Vet. I'm just someone who loves their cat and is trying to help him, but now it's hard for me to even look at Bob. When I pet him, I can feel every bump in his spine. He's not eating well for us and he spends day and night in our bedroom, on the bed, where we placed an electric blanket for him to snuggle on. He moves very slowly. Clearly something has happened and I'm not sure I can fix it. He's had the sniffles for a day or so and the other day he had "the runs." Maybe Bob's brewing a URI and that's the cause for some of his recent woes? Maybe I'm kidding myself? I can hear Dr. I's voice; “It's probably a progression of the cancer.”

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Bob, this morning, with MacGruber looking on.

I'm sure the blanket is the big reason Bob doesn't hang out with us any more, but I can't help but feel a stab in my gut when I pass by the bed he usually sleeps on and see it empty. I know Bob is upstairs, but I know, too, that one day that bed will be empty and Bob will really be gone. He's leaving us already, gradually, but we can see the progression happening when we couldn't before. The day is coming. I am not ready. I never will be.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.