Letting Go. A Few More Things.

Instead of adding another comment to the growing comments under some of my recent posts about my fears concerning the adoption of Donner & Dancer; I thought I'd address them here.

Thank you to everyone for sharing your concerns, suggestions and stories about how you came to have cats and how you care for them. In some instances, you may have been a “novice” cat parent, in others, you've done rescue for years and “been there and felt those tears” yourself. I've considered what each of you has to say and it does make a difference in how I'm processing this situation.

As a Buddhist, I am familiar with the importance of compassion, which was partially why I was so conflicted about this particular adoption. I wanted to give these people a chance-even though they had no Vet reference, which for two kittens who'd spent the majority of their life sick, was no easy feat. They'd had cats over ten years ago, so at least they'd had them. They have two young boys and two older girls. That felt like a lot of folks for Dancer, who is shy. I didn't want to overly stress her out. My own cat, Gracie has chronic dermatitis, which we believe is due to stress. It is my compassion for my foster cats, which comes first, that makes me want to protect them and provide the best home for them I can. Add to that, I must open myself up to adopting to families I'm not positive about, because like many of you said, if the family provides love over all else, then is that was is most important to the well being of a cat?

That sparks an interesting debate, one I hope you will take part of-What IS the most important thing, we as cat lovers, provide to our cats? Is it a clean, stable home environment? Is it a warm place to sleep? Is it species appropriate food and a desire to keep the cat healthy for the duration of its' life? What is the balance, if there must be at least love and....what?

There's no easy answer. Perhaps the kittens ARE getting lots of play time and love OR as their own stepmother said to me as they were walking out the door, ”You know how kids are...two days from now they'll forget about the cats.” That does not sit well with me. Nor does this “gut” feeling that can't be teased apart into perfectly identifiable chunks- the clear list as to why this adoption bothers me like few others have. I fear the cats are living in poor conditions and I know they are being feed very lousy food. In my minds' eye, I see them as adults. They are obese. One is so fearful they joke about never seeing it. They don't have a sparkle in their eyes. Maybe they just sit around and wait for the bowl of kibble to be filled up again. That's why I'm upset.

After all those kittens suffered, I've placed them somewhere where their future may be even worse than their past. For that, I will never forgive myself. I need to make some changes in how I approach adoptions and I hope to be able to get permission to do a home visit prior to the adoption-if I feel it's necessary. Most groups around here do them. It's not a big deal to ask someone if you can just make sure the environment is safe and appropriate. It would also help when we adopt to families with dogs or other cats.

Will I go visit Dancer and Donner to see how they're doing? I'm not sure I can, though the family has invited me to see them when I'm in the area. They live 2 miles from here, near my where my nephew lives. I'm torn. If I go, see the cats, see they are living in what I fear, then I will really be upset and unless they are clearly in an abusive situation, I can do nothing to get them back.

So, do I go or do I just go on with my life and hope the cats will be all right?