People often ask me; ”How can you let foster cats go? Don't you miss them? Doesn't it make you sad? Cry?”

I energetically answer that if I don't adopt them out, I can't rescue more. I already have seven cats, which is more than plenty. It's not wise to add on to the “family” for a variety of reasons. Sure, it hurts when the cats leave, but usually they're only here from just a few days to a few weeks. If that's the case, hey, anyone can do this. Just keep them moving in, then leaving promptly. It's doable.

What happens when it's NOT the case? What happens not only when you've had foster cats for a few MONTHS, but what if they were all sick? They all needed you? Some were so sick you didn't know if they would survive? How can you not become deeply attached?

How do you let THOSE foster cats go?

Jennifer has been caring for Rudy & Comet for months. They are no longer in their foster room, but have the full run of the house. They frolic and play and love life. Jennifer's been crying, thinking about them leaving. I've been reminding her that we'll find them a great home and we'll keep them together if we can. That she can't adopt more cats. Jennifer not only has plenty of cats, too, but she has seniors and special needs kitties. Adding two spunky kittens to that mix would not be good in the long term.

I'm not telling her anything she hasn't told herself. She's steeling herself for the day, which may come VERY soon, for when she has to say goodbye to them and I feel really bad about that. I never wanted her to have a bad experience fostering, but I can't protect her from this.

I, too, am faced with the same thing.

Today was the big day. After MONTHS of struggle, I was able to put all but Blitzen on Petfinder. The cats are ready to go, at last!

The problem is...in looking over my photos and selecting the ones that are the cutest and will garner lots of interested adopters, I found myself awash in tears. I could barely type out a description or upload a photo. I'm still crying now.

I just kept looking at their faces. I missed them and they are still here. I never want any of them to leave. They've all captured my heart and I honestly don't know if I can be here when they get adopted.

And if this wasn't painful enough, Sam and I are done after 17 years. I am flat out heartbroken. The person I used to be able to go to when I was sad and needed a hug is lost to me, probably forever.

I have lost so much in my life. I don't know how to go on.

I suppose this is what they call burnout or just a big, bad bump in the road? Whatever it's called, I don't recommend it.

At almost four months of age, Blitzen is looking like a proper kitty now.

After a long, miserable night, spent mostly with food poisoning and an empty bed, I managed to get up another day and begin the usual rounds of caring for the cats. Tomorrow Blitzen is slated to be neutered. I called the Vet to double check that it was still all right to bring him, bearing in mind he has something on his head that is...I'm not supposed to make a diagnosis to this Vet, but...it's RINGWORM, OK?

It's hard to hold a wiggly kitten still long enough to look and my close-up vision ain't what it used to be. It wasn't until I looked at the photos that I could see just how bad things were looking.

You tell me that's not ringworm!

There's the telltale crust. It's gotta be ringworm. I've been treating it topically, but I wonder if I should do more? I guess I can wait until the Vet sees him tomorrow. Of the 4 kittens, he was the sickest, the longest, so it's not a complete surprise, BUT..now what? What about his siblings? He's going to have to be with me another few weeks. There is no where to quarantine him too. Everyone has been exposed. I'm in full “fuck-it” mode about this ringworm nightmare.

Sick or not, I've really fallen for this little guy. I'm not sure I can part with him. Maybe I'm willing him to stay here and he's responding by getting sick again? Sure. I have super powers. Why can't I have the super power that wins me a huge lottery payout?

I'd settle for super powers that make Blitzen be the last cat (or PERSON) I EVER see with RINGWORM!

I do the best I can. Maybe it's not enough. Certainly I'm flawed in how I deal with things. It's part of the human condition-that old clichè that no one is perfect.

March is just about here and I thought that perhaps in a week, all the fosters would be ready to go on Petfinder-the process of finding them homes would finally begin. Now that Blitzen probably has ringworm, all my plans are tossed in the wind. The balance of keeping them here until I'm sure they're healthy vs. the ticking clock, is a losing one. The older they get, the less chance they'll have of finding a home.

Cupid has been going crazy being confined. After three long weeks and her nightly rants-usually around 2 AM and 5 AM, where she'll start to cry and bang on the door to be let out test my patience. One morning, I was so angry I burst in the room and yelled, shoving her with my foot. I didn't hurt her, merely scared her, but it scared me, too. I think we're all tired.

I let her out the next day. Enough is enough. Quarantining her from the kittens didn't help keep them from getting the ringworm. No big surprise. I couldn't see the how it would help to keep her locked up any longer.

The big reunion didn't go as hoped. The kittens, their tails up high, ran to their Mother, eagerly sniffing her. She grabbed one and bit down on it, wrestled it to the ground and started to bunny-kick it. This was not play time. This was serious. Long gone are the days of Motherly love. I stopped her from doing more harm, but she continued to do it to the others.

I don't know enough about the Mother-Offspring relationship after the Mother has long since been spayed. I give her short time periods to run around with the kittens and if she gets out of hand, I put her back in seclusion. Again, the balance tips...trying to find a way for everyone to be comfortable and happy together.

Along this bumpy road, the balance has been tipped in my relationship with Sam, too. Today, out of the blue, he came down hard on me about something that didn't warrant such a harsh reaction. Apparently, I was supposed to know that whatever upset him, was not about the incident, itself, but from 17 years of other things that I can't quite understand.

I'm not asking anyone to take sides. I don't know who is right or wrong or if it matters any more. I just felt beat down and tired and done. I put my engagement ring back in its' box and left it by Sam's side of the bed. Is this it? I don't know.

All I know is that life is a struggle to seek “smooth sailing”-that perfect place where things are all right and everyone is happy. Thing is, maybe it's all just a struggle with no happy ending? Learning how to accept that...maybe that's what matters?

I was just thinking about this blog post. How I was going to write that this is it. In a few days, I can start putting some of the fosters up for adoption. FINALLY! We have an adoption event coming up on March 6th. Perfect!

About 5 minutes after I took this photo of me with Blitzen, I thought I would check on this bloody scratch I found on his head a few days ago. I couldn't really see it, but it felt crusty. My heart sank.

I got Sam to hold Blitz for me so I could look with a magnifying lens. Yeah, looked ringwormy. Then I got out my black light and looked again. I think it was florescing green-the telltale sign but his tear ducts looked a bit green, too.

So tomorrow I'll see if I can get the little bugger over to see Dr. Larry. If it IS ringworm, I can probably kiss any hope of getting this kittens adopted before they are adults, out the window. At almost three months off schedule, this is just killing me to have them here this long.

Oh well. Not like this is all that surprising. What I'm waiting for is for ME to get it. I predict I will get a big BALD ringworm lesion on my head just around my birthday in April and my trip to attend BlogPaws. Just you wait. I said it here, first!

You must watch the latest video segment about our Tweetie! Okay, the focus is on his famous “dad” Sockington, but for any of you who've been reading my Blog, know that last year, before he became famous, Tweetie was my foster cat!

Click the "Tweetie Chronicles" graphic at the top of this page to read more about Tweetie's amazing rise to fame. In the meantime, this video really cracked me up. Watch for Tweetie at the end of the clip.

Abby found her forever home! Apparently she won a nice lady over with her charms and sweetness. Abby will never have to fear for her safety or health again. All she will know is lots of love!

Congratulations, Abby and her new family! And THANK YOU to everyone who got the word out on the behalf of this lovely lady!

Abby is the victim of cruelty. Her ear was sliced off by a heartless beast. Although she's suffered a great unkindness, she's still a sweet and loving girl in need a forever home.

Abby's been spayed and has all her shots. Her coat is sleek, black and plush. She asks us if we would please overlook her ears and see her good heart.

I don't have Abby's age. I'll post that info as soon as I get it.

Abby is located in GREENVILLE, SOUTH CAROLINA, where our Will and new friend, Grayson was from. Transportation FROM Greenville, to your state CAN easily be arranged. Contact Carole at (864) 630-2872 or email at carole9281@gmail.com if you'd like to know more about Abby or are interested in giving her a forever home.

As always, please spread the word. Let's get this girl a home, quick!

Photo courtesy Isilwath and used with permission.

Our super good friend, Izzy fell fast asleep, comforted by her furry companions...ALL TEN OF THEM!

For those of you who don't know Izzy and her husband, Mark, they have the biggest hearts and have the most cats of anyone I know. They put ME to shame! Yes, they have 17, going on 18 cats! These 10, shown above, are their seniors. If you look in the back, right, you can see Mercedes, who they rescued last year from a Kill Shelter. She is 20 years old and was abandoned by her family. Thank goodness for people like Izzy & Mark who drove all the way down to Georgia to pick her up and personally transport her to their home in PA!

Next month, they are going BACK to Georgia to rescue another kitty! I think we need to put together a donation to buy these guys a super HUGE bed! It's the least we can do! Poor Mark. Where is HE going to sleep?

I'm guessing on the floor!

A very nice couple in their 50's were looking to add to their family. Their three previous Maine Coons had all passed away from old age, so they were looking for a new kitty companion. Grayson is on his way to his new home already or might even be there by now!

Thank you to everyone for putting out the word for this sweet boy!

And no...we're not done yet. Grayson was being fostered with a sweet, but shy black kitty. This little baby had a nightmarish, Hellish life. Someone took a SCISSORS to her EARS and cut them off. While she is not a super beauty, she deserves a great home to call her own, where she will be SAFE from further abuse and discover that humans can give love and not just pain.

I'll have photos and more info shortly and then we'll start this whole process again!

This is Grayson (aka, Mr. Gray). His 92 year old mama passed away, leaving no one to care for him. He was lucky to find a temporary placement at a cat clinic, but now his time has run out there, too. He faces being put down in a few more days. There's just no space and no place to call home.

Grayson is just 3 years old. A good boy. Loves people and LOVES to be brushed! He also will follow you around like a little shadow. This is one lovey-dovey cat. He likes to be held and sit on your lap. What more would anyone want? He's a beauty, too!

Grayson's fully vetted and healthy. He's up to date on shots and neutered. He was combo tested for FIV+/Feline Leukemia and is NEGATIVE for both. He's been treated with Revolution, so he won't bring fleas into your home.

Grayson is fine with other cats, but don't know about dogs or small children.

Grayson is located in GREENVILLE, SOUTH CAROLINA, where our Will was from. Transportation FROM Greenville, to your state CAN easily be arranged. Contact Carole Henderson at (864) 630-2872 for more information or to adopt Grayson.

2/24 UPDATE: You can also email Carole at: carole9281@gmail.com and if you can't reach her, you can also contact: Jenna Gutierrez tomjeng@charter.net or call her at (864) 801-3177. Isilwath has offered to help with transportation from Greenville TO points in the Northeast if you can adopt the cat March 5-7.

SPREAD THE WORD MY DARLINGS! LET'S GET THIS BOY A HOME, QUICK!