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Last year Animal Planet aired a new show entitled: My Cat From Hell. Initially, I decided to avoid watching it, fearing cats would be shown in a harsh, unfair light as overly dramaticized miscreants to be shunned, unworthy of our compassion.
I decided to watch one episode, not having seen any previews. After the first segment was over, not only were all my fears cast aside, I sat there in awe, realizing that this show had the “legs” to do for cats what folks like Cesar Milan and Victoria Stilwell do for dogs. Cats finally had an advocate with a sound approach to training guardians to understand how their cats think—which will, in turn, save the lives of countless misunderstood cats.
Set your DVR's for this SATURDAY night at 8pm EST (USA) to catch the Premiere of SEASON TWO!
My Cat From Hell features Jackson Galaxy, a Rockabilly styled, Cat Daddy, who is covered with colorful inked portraits of some of his favorite felines. Galaxy must have been a cat in a past life for he has an understanding about their behavior that borders on uncanny.
We watch Jackson strolling casually down a suburban sidewalk with a guitar case in one hand. Is he going to play tunes to this episode's crazy cat? Heck no. Jackson's guitar is left behind. The case is filled with toys, treats and possibly some magic fairy dust; the tools he uses to work with cats that are misbehaving badly and whose owners are at the end of their rope trying to work it out on their own.
I recently spoke with Jackson about his passion for helping cats.
One of the most often asked about behavioral issues Jackson encounters is litterbox issues and aggression. About 90% of the consultations he does encompass these two big issues-and no surprise-as they are the most difficult to live with.
Jackson looks for patterns to emerge to help solve the problem. Often times the guardian lacks an understanding of cat behavior and can't spot the patterns that result in the behavior issue. Jackson helps them learn to spot the pattern and make the necessary adjustments.
The solution is not always so obvious. If he's dealing with a guardian who already has a good background understanding cat behavior and can't see the pattern, that's when Jackson's ears perk up. Jackson's been working with cats for over 16 years. When he gets a case that's challenging, those are his favorite ones to work on. It helps keep him grounded, reminding him that cats are individuals and one solution for one cat, may not work with another. It also helps him grow in his understanding of what makes cats tick. His humility about what he knows is clear. He's confident, but humble. He understands there's always more to learn and is a willing and open-minded student with a gentleness that is very endearing.
So He's Like Dr. House on that TV SHOW, House…but for Cats Instead of People?
Some people mistakenly refer to him as the “House” for cats-referring to the fictional character, Dr. Gregory House, on the Fox TV show, HOUSE. House is a genius who loves to solve the puzzle of what's ailing his patients. He's the last stop on the diagnosis train-next stop, death; if Dr. House can't save the day.
In some ways, Jackson IS like Dr. House, but he's NOT a fictional character. Jackson is brilliant when it comes to his understanding of cats (and probably many other things, too, but we mostly chatted about cats). Though Jackson does admittedly love the “puzzle” of solving a behavior issue, for him, the payoff is not proving how clever he is, the payoff is knowing he gave one cat a happy life and more importantly saved that cat's life.We all know too well what happens to cats who behave badly. Often times they're cast aside, let outdoors to fend for themselves or dumped at a shelter where they will surely be euthanized.
One by one, cat's guardians are left stunned by the quick improvement in their cat's behavior after they follow Jackson's orders. Cat haters are turned into proud kitty-parents. Though Jackson admits he's only on the cat's side, it's clear, the humans benefit just as much.
Bizarre Behavior or a Cat Who Deserves a Medal?
I asked Jackson about weird behavior issues he's encountered, thinking I had him beat on that one. Again, I was wrong. While it won't be aired, Jackson did a consult about a cat who urinated in his guardian's MOUTH while the guy was ASLEEP! Jackson was able to tease out the issues of what was going on because of his own life experience. Jackson had suffered from sleep apnea and knew the resulting snoring could possibly be terrifying the cat. He asked the guardian to do a sleep study at the local hospital and sure enough, the gentleman's doctor told him he needed to be treated for sleep apnea. His cat was waking him up because the cat was afraid something was WRONG and wanted to make sure he was okay. Perhaps the cat witnessed the guardian stop breathing as sleep apnea patient's often do? Once the sleep apnea was treated, the cat stopped peeing on his dad. This cat should never have been scolded, but given an award!
What Role Would You Say that Nutrition Plays in Cat's Behavior Issues?
Anyone who reads this Blog knows I'm a die-hard advocate for species appropriate nutrition for cats and I was very glad to know that Jackson underscored that nutrition plays a BIG ROLE IN EVERY CONSULT he does. “Free feeding is the devil.” That structuring feeding time can stop your cat from howling, yowling and pacing around your home. That instead of thinking their food just is there all the time from no known source and there's no relationship to you, now your cat sees YOU as the provider of good things. This helps form an important bond. A simple thing like keeping to a timetable of feeding can make big changes in your cat's life-and overall health.
Jackson's passion about proper nutrition came around the same time mine did. We both learned about nutrition after losing cats to diabetes. It just didn't make sense that our cats should die so young. Jackson lost his seven year old cat to insulin resistant diabetes. Something didn't add up about how his cat got sick in the first place and Jackson realized it was up to him to find out what to feed his cats when the advice he got from his Vet just didn't make sense.
What Jackson loves about the internet is the plethora of information out there on what to feed your cat, so now it's a lot easier to find out what to do. One thing is clear and just common sense…as Jackson said: “There's no excuse not to feed a great diet…it's so easy to feed the right food…meat, meat, meat!”
Is There Such a Thing as Too Many Cats?
“Tacit approval to limits is absurd.” That said, of course there are limits, but they're different for every person, size of their living space and personality and number of cats. Galaxy spoke about the “tipping point” which can come at any time depending on how many cats you have and their unique personality. You can have three cats doing just fine together, then you add a fourth. The fourth cat is fine with his new friends, but one of the others declares war and a storm of vengeful bladders begins to destroy the home.
Of Country Lanes & Super Highways
Jackson had been to a home where there was no furniture at all and only an air mattress for a bed. The owner was so passionate about her cats she would not give them up, but she had no real home left after they had urinated and destroyed just about everything she had. With thirteen cats, you might expect plenty of problems or that she was clearly nuts, but, as Jackson said if you set your home up to be Mabyberry, (for you young folks, that's a reference to the 1960's TV program, The Andy Griffith Show) a one lane town with a dirt road, you're going to have problems. If you have one cat traveling in one direction and another cat headed towards him, there's no way to get out of each other's way. One of those cats will be like a car on that small dirt road-it will have to go into the ditch, which means fights, peeing and unhappy guardians.
What you want to do is create a “super highway” in your home with plenty of “off ramps and on ramps.” Lots of vertical places for the “tree dwellers” (cats who feel safe up high) as Jackson refers to them and plenty of place for the “bush dwellers,” too. If you do it right, you could have no limits to how many cats you have and we all know what happens if you do it wrong.
If Things Don't Work Out, is Re-Homing a Cat Okay?
I admit I asked this question for myself. I've long grappled with the thought that one of my cats would be a lot happier in a new home. I realize it was the easy answer and I've always felt guilty thinking about it, since I don't feel I've exhausted every option to help her be happy here.
Jackson didn't hesitate to answer that all he cares about is cats being happy.
If that means that after observing the situation, there are times when there are no changes that could be made to help that cat be happy in their home. He NEVER would suggest simply giving the cat to a shelter since that's one of the WORST thing you could do. He feels with respect and careful consideration a great home can be found.
Speaking of Shelters…
Jackson is also passionate about helping shelters. He sees so much burnout of the staff, who care for many animals and who put a lot of effort into getting them adopted, only to see more animals coming in the door who need the same love and care. The “conveyor belt” never stops moving and these folks need help. Jackson would love to see a national foster home program, where instead of there being overflowing shelters, people just take foster animals into their homes until a new home can be found. If millions of people took ONE cat or ONE dog, think of how empty we could make those shelters! (and this is of course, taking into account that everyone is also spaying and neutering their pets)
Will Success Spoil Jackson Galaxy?
I channeled my inner Barbra Walters and asked Jackson how he felt about the reports I read about woman wanting him for more than just his cat-savvy mind? As soon as I asked, I could feel my face turning red, then heat up. I was completely embarrassed that I even asked him that question and I could tell from his bright laugh, that I caught him off guard.
Jackson said the attention was completely unexpected, but given that 95% of his clients are WOMEN, it didn't surprise me at all. We all know the perfect guy loves cats, but when he understands them the way Jackson does, it makes him quite the eligible bachelor.
Jackson's goal, at age 12, was to be a rock star. All he knows is performing on stage. It's ironic he finds his fame (until his CD comes out) through his understanding of cats. Plus, it's not about being a celebrity. Galaxy may have an outer space name, but his feet are firmly planted on the ground.
He admits he's NEVER asked a girl out on a date, ever. He's quite shy and really, who wants to risk being turned down? (not that he would be). Even without asking anyone out, he's found love before, but what about now?
As we spoke, I held my breath, wondering if he was going to answer the question about if he was unattached or not because I know many of you want to know. I got my answer, but was asked to keep it “off the record” for now. Since I'm going to be begging Jackson to help me with my cat issues, I better keep my mouth shut.
Perhaps there's a woman who's a man-whisperer out there who can get to the bottom of this?
Need Help with Your Cats?
Though Jackson is busy with his show just about to air and a new book and possible book tour in May (Cat Daddy: My Life with the Original Cat from Hell), he still does consultations as time allows. If you'd like to book his services (for cat behavior problems!), please email him at: info@jacksongalaxy.com
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MY CAT FROM HELL – New Episodes Beginning Saturday, January 7 at 8 PM ET/PT.
Cat behaviorist Jackson Galaxy tackles the most catastrophic cat cases he’s ever encountered in six all-new, one-hour episodes of MY CAT FROM HELL. Armed with 15 years of experience, a proven training program and his signature guitar case filled with cat toys, Galaxy is on a mission to help cat owners find the source of conflict with their furry friends. In this season, Jackson swoops into solve a gamut of feline-related issues and repair the relationships they’re ruining, including the hair-raising case of a cat terrorizing its owner’s Pilates business by attacking her clients. Whether it’s the cat or the owners behaving badly, leave it to Galaxy to save the day!
Update: The kitty I rescued yesterday from a kill shelter in the south, who was named in honor of Jackson, is doing well in his foster home. He was neutered and vetted and will be coming to CT to my rescue group Kitten Associates, then on to our sister, no-kill shelter, Animals in Distress. If you're interested in adopting Jackson (the CAT), please contact me directly: info@kittenassociates.org
Two awesome things happened today. One was interviewing Mr. Jackson Galaxy, of Animal Planet's new hit show: “My Cat From Hell.” My article about our chat will be posting tomorrow (since I had to stop writing it so I could jump onto reason number two). The second thing was the FIRST RESCUE OF THE YEAR IS UNDER WAY!
Look at that FACE! You just want to smooch it!
A few days ago I posted about this BIG HONKIN' LOVERY BOY holed up in the Georgia State Pen…I mean, Henry Co. Care & Control. Sittin' on good old death row waiting for the inevitable…
My buddies at Animals in Distress saw him and even though they are full up, they said they would make room for this charming giant beast of a cat if I would take care of getting him out of Georgia and making the arrangements for him to travel to Connecticut. If all I have to do is make a few phone calls and send out a few emails, I'm going to drop what I'm doing and take care of it.
Our intrepid team: Maria and Bobby, said YES to helping out even though they, too, had to drop what they were doing and bust this big boy out of his cage.
I asked if we could name him, Jackson, in honor of all of Jackson Galaxy's good work and we all agreed. Then, my heart stuck in my throat. Did I speak too soon? What if our newly named rescue had FIV+ or worse…Feline Leukemia??!!
I didn't want to imagine Mr. Galaxy hearing the great news about the rescue, followed by the bad news of what might happen if this cat had Leukemia. I hate this part of rescue the most-the waiting and the worrying. What will the snap test reveal? This is a big “biscuit head”-as they call them down south (apple head up here in Yankee-Land), Tom cat who is still intact. Odds are he has FIV+. If he did, the rescue was still on 100%, if he had Feline Leukemia-I just didn't want to think about that. From 1000 miles away I'd be hard pressed to come up with a solution to board him anywhere until we could retest him in a few months.
So the wait began…and along with it, the worrying.
Maria just texted me. “Neg/Neg” was all the text said. It was more than enough to know that Jackson was safe. Next stop getting him (the CAT, not the person!!) neutered and get his vaccines on board.
In a few weeks, Jackson will be here with us and we'll start the process of finding him a forever home. I can't help but think if Jackson, the man, were here with us, he'd be pleased, maybe even sing us a song as he energetically strums his 1930's ukelele and I'd just have to sit here, glowing, with a big crush on both these guys.
There's nothing better than to start the New Year off with a few cute photos of our sweet foster kitties; “Bob's Pumpkin Patch.” As you may know, one of our babies, little Teddy, was adopted just two days ago. These are the last photos of him before he went to his new home.
Instead of a long blog post, I hope you'll enjoy this photographic peek into my life with foster kitties.
I started to write a “Year in Review,” thinking I could get through it with some effort. A lot of things happened in 2011, but many of them were just too heartbreaking to look back upon in much detail. Today I write as a brokenhearted, tired rescuer with a very bleak outlook for 2012. I've decided that too many years have passed where I've been near broke and exhausted. 2012 is going to be better, damn it! I'm overdue for a wonderful year and for things to finally get better on the economic front.
It wasn't all bad news, like any year, there were some highlights. I'm very glad to say, that even though I had some very long term fosters here, which cut back my ability to take in more rescues, my group, Kitten Associates (KA) adopted out quite a few kitties and by the power of the inter-web-net and this little blog, in total we helped save the lives of over 70 cats!
That's not too shabby considering we did the hands-on rescues basically with just a small group of people, placed the cats by teaming up with our “sister” shelter Animals in Distress or via KA and we got the word out about many other cats in need by depending on THOUSANDS of folks who read this blog and who jumped in to help spread the word. It made a difference and it WORKED. We did some AMAZING things!
There was our “cow mama” from Henry County Care & Control who no one would rescue regardless of our pleas for help. While other mamas and their babies got out, she did not. I didn't have many resources, but at the last minute, in the middle of the night, I got a name of someone named Jennifer H. at Humane Society if Forsyth County in Cumming, GA. We worked out the logistics and the next morning, at the very last second before the family was to be put down, they were busted out. Today they are all doing well and have been adopted into loving homes.
We went to bat for two giant kitties who were dumped off at my Vet's office. Within a few days, they were adopted by someone who had two big kitties just like the two who were dumped. Her cats had passed away and the day she got the call about them was the anniversary of one of the cat's passing away. She knew it was kismet and they were adopted.
Another mama had a kitten with a club foot who could barely walk. We loved this family so much we figured waving money around would help get them a rescue. Though it wasn't the sole reason for their rescue (they ARE an adorable family!), we raised $500.00 IN ONE DAY to cover the costs to remove the misshapen leg. This family was placed with a no-kill shelter and some were adopted into good homes, but sadly Prince William needs MORE SURGERY to correct his other damaged leg. If you can help this little guy out, please consider making a donation to his ongoing care! You can read about him and donate HERE. This poor guy has been in foster care for most of this YEAR! Let's get him the help he needs.
We got the word out on a number of families in crisis. Every single one was rescued by a no-kill shelter or rescue group. We are so grateful that by helping get the word out, the rescues who do have the facility and resources to help, find out about these families and jump in to do their part. Our hat is off to these groups.
Who can forget, Bella & Barney, the toilet flushing cat! It was through our massive push to get the word out on these cats that King Street Cats heard about their plight and offered to take them in just 48 hours after the story broke. I've never had a story shared and re-tweeted so many times. This proves that through a simple click of a mouse, we can help save lives. These cats were facing being given up to a kill-shelter and now they are safe and sound waiting for their forever home.
I loved the story about Buddy and his journey as an FIV+ stray into the home of our good friends, Warren & Terri royal, who rescued him and found him safe haven with a no-kill shelter. Buddy found his forever home, along with another FIV+ kitty. They are best friends.
Basil & Nigel, just two big lugs, looking' for love. Their bellies were scalded by urine from being confined in a cage for who knows how long. They both tipped the scales at well over 25 pounds. Being somewhat timid on top of that, made their rescue a miracle in the making. Somehow I was able to get enough favors pulled and folks interested in their story to help make a dream come true. Basil and Nigel have slimmed down to just about 20 pounds each and are doing well in foster care. Basil is still very timid, but if he can overcome this his foster family indicated that they would like to adopt the boys one day soon.
Cheese. A great name for a sweet cat whose owner gave him up, thinking it was temporary, then realizing in a few months it had to be for good. She lost her home and job and couldn't take Cheese back. One of our friends, Amy Sikes, fostered Cheese until another one of our readers offered to adopt him. Cheese was transported from Virginia to New Hampshire where he lives with a few Papillons, who he finds annoying, but he's gracious about it as long as they stay out of his food bowl.
Muddles & Cuddles were rescued by our foster mom-Maria. She took them from a neighbor who wasn't particularly interested in SPAYING her cats or providing them with even basic care. It was a very tough choice for Maria to risk taking on adult cats when she has her own cats to care for, so we jumped in and helped her with them. They made their way to CT and to AID where they both found great homes.
Phil was five years old and a huge cat. It took all of FIVE days after he arrived in Connecticut to find him a GREAT forever home with a retired couple who has another cat named Tiger. Phil and Tiger quirky became best friends. His family is thrilled and so are we. Phil has a new name, they call him Big Poppy after a baseball player on the Red Sox.
Amberly and her family's rescue was a miracle. This amazing family had the most beautiful copper eyes I've ever seen. Each kitten was sweet and Amberly was a doll. She was a skinny wreck when she first arrived and a stunning beauty when she left for her forever home. Amberly's journey is like so many others, but the mark this family left on my heart will be there forever. Amberly and her five kittens are ALL in great homes together. Amberly went with her son, Jack. Periwinkle and BlueBelle, the prettiest kittens I've ever had went together and Truffles and Blaze found their home together, too. This was one wonderful family and Maria is amazing for doing what it took to find Amberly's kittens before it was too late. You can read more about them HERE.
Amelia and Noelle (a kitten injured when she was discovered under the hood of a car in 2010) came to CT and were placed in a great home, together thanks to our friends at AID!
The highlight of my year was winning the 2011 Dogtime Media Pettie Award for Best Cat Blog. I wish you could have seen my reaction when I won. I was dumbfounded-completely shocked and thrilled. Some times I think I sit here in my jammies and talk to myself, but apparently I was wrong about that (maybe somewhat wrong about that). If I haven't said it enough times, let me say it again-THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR MY BLOG. It really means a lot to me to get some recognition for my efforts. I get so much love and concern from all of you already, this was an amazing bonus and I am deeply grateful for it.
Clare and Sally just had to be rescued! Look at those faces! I thought they were Siamese. Little did I know they were snowshoes-a breed I've never even heard of! I brought them north and AID had no problem finding them a great home-which only lasted a few days. The girls came back to the shelter and found an even BETTER home with a new family just as quickly. Their only failing-they let their child rename the cats. Meet Pillow and Rainbow!
We had real heartache this year, too. First, we lost our dearest boy, Bob Dole to lymphoma. His death was a long, slow process. He passed at home with both Sam and I petting him and talking to him to ease his journey. Through Bob's life I learned many things about good feline nutrition and learning to let go of being afraid of seeing Bob die and taking some joy that his passing was beautiful. I never wanted Bob to leave us and today I still miss him terribly. My heart is broken.
Not long after Bob died, I rescued an orange mama cat and her six kittens in his honor. Bobette was sick, but it wasn't right away that we understood what was going on. A week after the rescue, three of her six kittens died within hours of each other, before we could even give any of them a proper name. Maria named them Sammy, Rocky and Red. They were cremated. Their ashes are with Maria while I care for the remaining family.
Bobette's secret pain was that she was hit by a car or abused to the point of it moving her kneecap far out of position. On a scale of 1 to 4 she's a 4-meaning BAD. I see her limp and stretch out her leg to try to get the kneecap in place, but it won't go unless she has surgery. Thankfully, our generous Vet, Dr. Mixon, has offered to do the procedure for $100.00, instead of $2500.00!!!!
As we wait for Bobette's surgery date, one of her boys, little Teddy Boo, was adopted last night.
Another orange tabby had good news, too. Rocco, who I rescued in 2010, was returned. It just wasn't working out. Through the twists and turns of fate and timing, I ended up finding a wonderful home for Rocco, one I hope and believe will be his FOREVER home. Rocco spent his first Christmas with his new family, just a day after he was adopted.
I love black and white cats, but in 2011 it seemed to be the Year of the Orange kitty. MacGruber, who I rescued in 2010, found his forever home, along with Polly Picklepuss in 2011. They are doing GREAT with their family. Every update is happier than the last. Both cats love life and are happy in their home. I miss Macky-G very much. He was a marvelous kitty and best buddy to my cat, Blitzen.
Mazie, Polly, Cara & Chester-some of the sickest cats I've ever had. Cara was chronically ill to the point where I thought she would die. Mazie got an infection and soaring high temperature that almost took her life, too. For months and months I worried, ran to the Vet, gave them one prescription drug after another. They got better, they got worse, they were with me for almost a year. One by one they slowly got well enough to be adopted and one by one they left for their new homes.
We had a White Christmas this year after the arrival of four white kitties we nicknamed the Angel Babies. One of the four, Princess, was just adopted a week ago. She is doing fantastic and loves her two other kitty friends. She's even sleeping with them! We're still hoping her brothers find their homes soon. They are awesome, lovey-dovey cats and if you know what I mean when I say, they are like The Borg, you'll understand what kind of crazy cats they are…one mind…three bodies.
Hannah and Macy were rescued off the streets in Bridgeport, CT. Hannah was so tiny and sick we thought she would die. After being bottle-fed by one of our volunteers and a lot of love and care, both Hannah and Macy recovered. They were also the first kittens I observed being spayed!
To end the year on a high note, Hannah and Macy were adopted THIS MORNING!
And lastly there's the DOOD. This kitten came from Cheshire, CT. I thought he'd be a quick kitty to find a home for so I took him into my rescue group. the DOOD turned out to test POSITIVE for Feline Leukemia-which shocked me completely. I refused to accept the test result and two days later he tested NEGATIVE. Even with that, he HAD to be quarantined for TWO MONTHS to make certain he did not have the disease. Thankfully, DOOD's test was NEGATIVE and he was allowed to meet our other cats. He and Blitzen are buddies who love to wrestle and groom each other.
After all that time here, I'd been working with him, to calm down his aggression towards people. I found out his former owner's kid kicked him and chased him around the house. I was filled with rage when they admitted the truth. They asked how he was doing and I never replied. They don't deserve to know what happened to their cat. Thank goodness I got him or he would have been put down by now for being aggressive.
You can see he's a sweet cat (okay, some times) in this video featuring my nephew, Ryan. You can also see he went from a little kitten to an eight month old MONSTER, tipping the scaled (over) at THIRTEEN POUNDS!!!! He is going to be a HUGE CAT one day.
I'd hoped to announce that the DOOD was going to be living here with us, for good, but due to issues with our other cats, that may not be possible. We're going to give it a few more weeks and see how things shake out. I may have to just move away with the DOOD so we can stay together. Considering how my love life was this year, I may not be making much of a joke with that statement.
What about 2012?
• Bobette will get her surgery and hopefully she'll be walking normally by March.
• Somehow I will find a way to pay my bills.
• I'm going to re-design Covered in Cat Hair so it's easier to follow stories and stay in touch. Plus, this web site design is years old. Like anything else, it needs a facelift!
• I'm going to take a few days off. I don't know how. I don't know when, but I am in DIRE need of a holiday. I haven't had a trip away from home, other than for business for years. I think 2012 has to allow some healing time for me, just so I can stay strong and do more rescues.
• I may start rescuing from one of the most notorious and horrible kill shelters-the dreaded AC&C in New York City. Rescuing from here is not for the faint of heart, but they need all the help they can get.
• Take a deep breath and try to prepare for what we will soon find out about our cat, Nicky. Does he have lymphoma and are we on the start of another painful journey?
• And Bob. Well there's news about him, too. We've found a way for Bob to live on and I will be sharing that joyous news with you soon.
Dexter had a heck of a tough start in his young life. Without his Guardian Angel, Terri, a devoted cat rescuer and feral cat caretaker, this story would not have had a happy ending. Instead, Dexter would have passed away, alone, behind a shrub, shivering and sick with a massive wolf worm in his sinus, unloading bacteria and causing this tiny kitten horrible pain. Dexter's complete backstory is HERE.
Terri's husband, Warren, is also a devoted cat lover and rescuer. Any cat lucky enough to be in this family's care, never wants for a thing-the best vet care, surgery, whatever it takes, they do it without hesitation. They take my breath away with how far they go and they do this on their own, without a rescue group to cover their costs or help them find loving homes. They just do this out of the goodness of their heart and for the love they have for cats. It's so ironic that as recently as a few years ago, Warren didn't particularly even like cats!
Things have certainly changed and Dexter arrived, possibly to teach this family something they were ready to learn; that you have to listen to your heart, even if your head protests. In the end, that's all that matters; being able to listen to that inner voice that guides you with a gentle hand. It's not always easy to hear it clearly, or acknowledge that you hear it at all, but when you do listen and act with an open heart, you can never go wrong.
As the weeks passed and Dexter grew stronger and more lively, Warren and Terri let him out of his foster room to meet their five other cats. The meeting went better than well and everyone seemed happy with the new arrival. But this was not a forever home for Dexter because the family had said that five was enough. It wasn't fair to take on a sixth cat since Terri, who provides the daily feeding and cleanup of their five cats would end up taking on the task for Dexter, too. The family was also worried that they could not rescue more cats if they kept Dexter, so they began to look for a forever home for him.
Warren asked me what they should do. It was tempting to say he should keep the cat. Multiple cat households are difficult to manage. The more cats, the more complications-this is something I know all too well. Adding a sixth cat is not to be taken lightly. I told Warren to follow his heart and do what he felt was best. Of course since they'd been through so much with Dexter that it would be hard to say goodbye, but they shouldn't keep him simply for that one reason.
Yesterday Warren and Terri came to a decision. Dexter's forever home was right under his nose the whole time, since that first moment Terri was able to grab a feral kitten who was too sick to run away. She rushed him to the Vet, not knowing if he would make it through the day, not caring if he would ever be friendly. At the time, she could only think of helping him, the rest would fall into place later.
It's later. All those worries are gone. Dexter stretches out on the lap of his dad, Warren, not realizing how special this day is-it's the day they made it official.
Mazie went to her new home on Christmas Eve. I tried to think of it as a gift to her, a forever home, one that she'd been waiting for for so very long. She'd been with me for fourteen months. The least I could do is send her off to the best home possible since she'd been waiting for so long. This was not an easy adoption on a number of levels. I struggle with my decision because it's difficult to have faith in how the future will play out, but hopefully some day I'll look back on this and be glad about the choices I made.
I have to consider the options. In all the time Mazie was here, she had only one other application from a 65 year old retiree. While I'm sure the home was fine, Mazie would have been the only cat in a quiet home. Somehow it seemed unfair that she would have such a solitary life. I always imagined Mazie playing with kids and having lots of fun. She has a lot of energy and would thrive in an active home. I held out, hoping that a family would come along one day.
I got an email a few weeks ago from a woman who said her daughters fell in love with Mazie. They realized that little kittens got homes easily and were very sad that Mazie was still waiting for hers to come along. They wanted her to come and live with them so they could give her lots of love and be their kitty. I got a lump in my throat when I read that. Maybe this was what I was waiting for?
The girls are 4 and 7. I usually don't adopt out to families if there are children under 5 in the home-especially if kittens are involved. Yes, there are always exceptions to this policy and I felt that since the girl was nearing the age of 5 in a few months, that I'd give them a chance. I would know if it was okay to move forward once I met them.
The woman was just divorced and had custody of the children only half time. This gave me some relief. Mazie would have alone time with the Mom and some peace and quiet. Perhaps it was the perfect blend?
The home itself was neat as a pin, a sweet three-bedroom cottage style house built in the early 1900's. I loved it. There was even a white picket fence wrapping the front yard. I saw the two girls as I walked down the path towards their front door. They were standing in the doorway, their faces pressed against the glass. Then they started bouncing up and down. I couldn't help but smile.
That was the last time I could hear anything for the next 30 minutes.
The woman came to the door and greeted me. She was very friendly, but seemed a bit stressed. The girls said a quick hello, then started fighting and screaming, tossing seat cushions at each other, then yelling some more at a pitch that was so high and so loud I thought my ear drums were going to split. Their mother was mortified. She said how the girls had been great all day, but now they, perhaps were overtired or hungry. Whatever the real reason was, the girls were just hyper. My ears started to ring and I think I heard every other word that was said. In a way it was funny, here was the mom telling the girls to be good angels and them ignoring her. For once it seemed it was easier to have young cats running around breaking things, than live with these two kids. There was no getting through to them-even threatening them that they could never meet Mazie if they didn't cut it out. The best they would do was stop for a few seconds, then think of some other way to torment each other (and us).
I liked the Mom. She had a good job and would be home a lot. I knew Mazie would be fine with her, but with those kids? I just didn't know. I did, however, know two things: kids get tired eventually AND kids grow up. I had my first kitten when I was just four years old. Whose to say these girls shouldn't have a similar experience? I didn't see them as being violent to an animal. I saw typical sibling rivalry and I guessed they were revved up because someone new was in the house.
Their mom was not a pushover. I knew she would be responsible and make sure Mazie was safe, but how would Mazie handle this? There was only one way to find out.
I invited them to come over the next morning.
I thought that perhaps the girls would be different in my home. At first, they were much quieter, especially when they realized Mazie would run off if they got too loud. Mazie didn't seem to care for them, keeping a safe distance. I told the girls to sit on the floor and let Mazie come to them. She did, but very hesitantly. The girls would try to grab at her, unable to hold back their enthusiasm. I supposed they expected her to be friendlier, and I did, too, but clearly Mazie was getting crankier, the longer they were there.
I didn't want to be close-minded and just say no. This was their first time with Mazie and vice versa. Perhaps they would all learn to adjust and become really good friends?
I took the girls upstairs to meet the kittens while Sam stayed with their Mom and Mazie. I wanted Sam to observe things so I could have his opinion. He's a dad, after all, with a full grown daughter. I depend on him to see things or understand things I could not.
The girls were little turds. Sorry to say that, but the older one was shockingly critical about there being cat litter grains on the floor and that it smelled in the room. It did smell, but I had just cleaned out the pan and put in fresh litter and with it being cold outside I had the window tightly shut. I opened the window and she stopped complaining and went on to focus on something else that annoyed her. The younger one was a little drama-queen about the kittens scratching her (which I warned her about, but she still wanted to see the kittens and one of them did scratch her…at least that's what she claimed, with tears rolling down her cheeks and NO SIGN of anything on her leg, which you'd think had been amputated by a kitten, she was in such distress.). Am I a fan of kids? Yes, sometimes. I love my nephew, but he's family. Again, kids are kids. They can easily be egocentric and thoughtless. Did they just go through the trauma of having their parents split up? Yes. Were these girls going to do harm to Mazie? No. Would they annoy her? Yes, probably. Would I be terminally confused about what to do? Looks that way.
I didn't know what to do and I said as much to the Mom. I was able to get some feedback from Sam for a quick minute when the mom was dealing with the girls. He said that he saw the Mom with Mazie and that she was very sweet with the cat. That Mazie seemed to like her very much and was quite relaxed and content to be with her. He also said that although the girls were not being angels, that the excitement of having a new cat would wear off and that they'd soon go on to something else. That the Mom would really be Mazie's buddy and that Mazie could protect herself as well as find a place to hide if the girls got out of hand.
I asked the Mom what she wanted to do. She wanted to go ahead with the adoption and surprisingly, the girls did, too. They didn't whine about wanting the kittens. They wanted Mazie.
I said we could give it a try for a few weeks and see how it went. I had a lump in my throat. I realized I wouldn't want Mazie to go because she's well rooted in my heart, but I also had to remember that she will get a lot of attention, okay maybe too much, but she will be the Queen of her home, instead of one of the crowd.
I packed up Mazie's bed and gave them a new cat scratcher, another cat bed, some treats, some raw food and a few toys. I knew they would get her more things, but I wanted her to have something familiar. I also wanted to tell Mazie to give it time; that it would be okay. I wanted to believe that, too.
Mazie's been gone for a few days. I keep looking for her or expecting to hear her meowing. I saw the DOOD in her favorite spot; a fabric basket that hangs off the cat tree. It made me sad that she wasn't in it.
The mom sent me a photo of Mazie with the girls. The girls are all smiles. Mazie looks miserable. I wanted to bust through their door and take her back, but it was only the first night.
A day later I got another photo. The girls went to be with their dad for a few days. I knew Mazie was getting a break from them. The photo shows Mazie laying on the bed in the sunshine, washing her face. She looks as happy as can be and no sign of any stress.
It would have been easy to say no to this adoption and just keep Mazie, but I didn't feel she would be in any danger. Kids grow up and things change. I think Mazie will have a comfortable life with occasional irritations, nothing any different then any of us experience from day to day. I'm not being glib, I'm just trying to keep myself from freaking out and running over to the house and taking Mazie back.
Let's give it some time and see how it goes.
Fingers and toes crossed.
Update: Just before I posted this story I got an update from Mazie's adopter. She wrote:“Mazie is doing overall very well. She loves the home and is seeming to acclimate very well. She loves to talk and run around the house at night and she tends to sleep during the day. The girls arrived back on Wednesday AM. They were very excited about seeing her again and tended to want to see her even if she was a little apprehensive because of all the noise and excitability. She has made some good progress since Wed AM and the girls have also been spoken to about the fact that if they cannot be calm around her and earn her trust that she may have to go back. I am using this for leverage and it seems to be working well.
I expect things to calm down over the next few weeks and I also think that Mazie will continue to gain confidence and trust in her surroundings. We love her so much she is a wonderful addition to our family :-)”
Spencer, the Mascot of Covered in Cat Hair would love to wish you a Warm, Happy, Safe, Joyful, Christmas, but I think all the Holiday planning made him sleepy.
Over a year ago, I rescued a family from Henry County Care & Control in McDonough, Georgia. They were like any other family I'd rescued before-a young mama cat and her kittens, who were dumped by their former family to await death in a steel cage. They were a problem to be gotten rid of and forgotten about. The folks at Henry County prayed for help. They never want to end the life of any animal, yet their hand is forced when space runs out or a cat gets sick. Easily treatable conditions, mean an untimely death. They kill to prevent transmission of illness to the others, but it's so unfair that a simple sniffle can mean “the end.”
This little family was getting sick. The kitten's eyes were getting watery looking, a sure sign an upper respiratory was brewing. They had to get out of the shelter ASAP so we decided to cross our fingers and hope we got them out before the virus could take hold. We got them out in time, but we were too late to stop the illness from ravaging their tiny bodies.
To date, this family was the sickest family I've ever rescued. The kittens, Polly Picklepuss, Chester Cheesetoes and little CaraMelle suffered terribly and for months. Their mama, who I named, Mazie, watched protectively over them, trying desperately to help them get better, but she, too, got the URI. At least she had an intact immune system and was able to fight off the worst of it, while her offspring battled one wave after another of waxing and waning illness.
The kittens were taken to the Vet, the Emergency Vet, we consulted with our homeopathic Vet, Dr. Ann Hermas. We did everything we could. Poor Mama-Maria, their awesome foster mom, was providing their care, but at the cost of her own well being. What stress she suffered having to go to work, leaving sick kittens at home, wondering if she'd find them living when she returned. She did so many vet runs, it almost became a joke, but we were both too stressed to laugh about it.
After a few months, the kittens were stable enough to move north. They came up on a private transport so they'd have the best care possible. When they arrived, they seemed to be in fairly good condition, but I expected things to go downhill and they did rather quickly.
While Mazie did all right, her kittens did not fare as well. Cara, in particular was very ill, vomiting frequently. Polly's eyes were awful. Chester seemed less effected. We guessed it was because he was born first and bigger than his sisters.
It was a very LONG, difficult struggle. I was taking the kittens to the vet, wondering what to do for poor Cara, whose vomiting was stunting her growth. You may recall that Cara had to see specialists and ended up having three endoscopies over four months. Chester and Polly had to see an eye specialist. They had scar tissue in their tear ducts that resulted in chronic weepy eyes.
As the kittens finally got better, Mazie took a sudden, frightening turn for the worse. This was no URI, but we didn't know what was causing her soaring temperature, projectile vomiting and lethargy. In May, Mazie was hospitalized and put on an IV for a few days. We did blood work, x-rays and a lot of head-scratching. If Mazie didn't turn around she was going to die. It was so shocking to even consider-after all this, now I'm going to lose not a kitten, but their Mother?
Mazie recovered. She was weak and on antibiotics for awhile. We never figured out what happened to her, only that she seemed well. Her appetite came back and she got that sparkle back in her big owly eyes. I was reluctant to relax. This family had been sick for EIGHT MONTHS. You can read more about the kittens HERE, Mazie getting sick: HERE, and more about them HERE.
Then Chester got adopted and is now named, Boris. He lives with a lovely family and two dogs and two older cats. Recently, Boris got a new buddy. The older cats didn't want to play with him so his family adopted another young cat so Boris would have a pal. I'm told they were instant best friends.
Polly was well enough to be adopted, though her eyes will always be a bit runny. She went with MacGruber, who was one of our favorite orangey-goodness babies. They're doing GREAT and having blast in their new home. Their parents dote on them and can't wait to spend their first Christmas together.
Little Cara had a benefactor during her protracted illness. My dear friend Connie fell in love with her from the start and was always there to help pay for Cara's Vet bill when our pockets were empty. Without Connie, I don't know what would have become of Cara.
When Cara was well enough, she began to spend time with Connie and her many cats. First, as a foster, then as the little Princess who now runs the household. Cara has blossomed into a lovely young lady. We thought we'd lose her so many times, but now she's doing well, thriving and enjoying her life with Connie and her other kitties. Cara looks more and more like her mama, Mazie, every day.
Mazie was supposed to go to Animals in Distress, but with so many issues coming up and her being around sick kittens, I felt it was not fair to expose a shelter full of cats to who-knows-what (we think, in the end, it was a very nasty herpes virus that sickened this family).
After Mazie fell ill, we certainly could not move her. By the time her offspring were adopted, Mazie had full run of the house and had met my other cats. It freed up the foster room so I could help more cats and she had space to stretch out and new friends (or not!) to make.
Mazie integrated beautifully into my home. She is always on the lookout for something. It's as though without her kittens to protect, she's watching out for us.
She loves to climb the tallest cat tree and survey her territory or slap Blitzen and the DOOD in the face if they challenge her from below. It's comical, not violent. Mazie loves to visit me in my office and is often “chatting” with me about thins or that. Mostly she wants to be picked up or be close to me. I know she doesn't get enough one on one attention and she so deserves it.
She knows if she's doing something, like get into the pantry, that she's not supposed to do. If I scold her she meows at me, then gives me a sassy HISS as she passes next to me!
God forbid a mouse enters the house because Mazie will find it. Normally we get one sullen, suicidal mouse in our house each autumn, but in the past two months, Mazie has taken out EIGHT of them! Yes, we need to check out our basement and find out where they are coming in. I pity any mouse who is foolish enough to enter our home. Mazie doesn't make a mess with them, she just kills them, then the DOOD will run off with the body, growling away, until we can get it from him. Mazie, proud of her work, doesn't need to protect her kill. The fun part for her is over and she simply sits on the floor looking proud of herself.
Mazie reminds me of my cat, Squeegee, who passed away many years ago. Squeegee had white mittens, stripes and patches, big green eyes. Mazie always looks like she's wondering what's going on. I think it's her big eyes that make her look so curious, and her constant chattering that makes me laugh.
I've come to love Mazie as my own and I've truly enjoyed seeing her blossom into a fine young lady.
But it's time. Time for her to move on. Time for me to make room for more. This will be the toughest adoption I have ever done. I feel like I'm not doing an adoption, but rehoming my own cat. 14 months is a very long journey and Mazie got under my skin. If she never left, I wouldn't be upset about it, but in fairness to her, she deserves a better home where she can get lots of attention and not have to struggle to find a place on the bed to sleep that isn't already taken by another cat.
I can rationalize this all I want, but in the end, this will be painful and I have to stand by my conviction that it's not good for her to not have everything she needs. If I can find that with another family, then she will enjoy her life with them.
That's IF I can let her go.
I need to prepare myself that Maize won't always be with me. I need to prepare myself because that moment is coming soon. In fact, that moment is now.
Thank you so much for matching us up with Rocco! He is a delight and already has full use of our home! We love him so much and he knows it - he slept with me last night and right now is scoping out the house. Thank you very much for bringing us together - I am so happy! He is eating canned no grain food very well so far. I will definitely call upon you if it doesn't go well. Tomorrow I am purchasing him a Christmas stocking and filling it with toys - he will have a great Christmas and so will we. I don't feel an empty hole any longer I can't thank you enough. A very Merry Christmas and healthy, happy and prosperous New Year to you, Sam and your family!
Yet more news this morning where Rocco's mama talks about her cat, Jasmine, who died earlier this year and about her remaining cat, Stella, who is 14 and shy:
Hi Robin,
I believe after my TT on Thursday (I saw Jasmine and she flopped on my bed and rolled over to have her belly rubbed) I asked her to guide you in finding exactly the right kitty to fill the tremendous hole she left in my heart and life. She smiled and I knew she would guide you. I have been doing TT on a weekly basis for 3 years - and Holly saw the color lavender which in the energetic field meant that Jasmine would always be with me spiritually. So I was able to trust your instincts Thursday night and as soon as I saw Rocco I knew Jasmine had led you and consequently me to him. He is so perfect! What a gentleman! He wants so much to make friends with Stella but she is having a little trouble - not bad but I think she is a little jealous and is still mourning Jasmine's loss as we all are. Rocco lays on the couch with me while I am reading and comes up to bed with me when I tell him it is bedtime! It is so amazing! I love him to death. He is truly a loving boy. i can't thank you enough for introducing us! He is the perfect companion for me and fills the huge void Jasmine left. He is with me constantly - right now as a matter of fact. I have given him a squeeze and kiss from you and hope you will come and visit when you have the chance to see how well he has settled in with us! I know you are crazy busy. A very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family as well! Rocco is the best Christmas present I could have! Again, thanks so much! Stay well.
My parents came from very different religious backgrounds and because of that, they decided that I should choose whether or not I wanted to be part of any faith. I attended a few different services with friends, but with my Father being a “lapsed” Catholic and my Mother, an Atheist, I didn't have much motivation to look further into the matter.
I began to realize, as an adult, that due to this, I never learned to have faith in anything. The outcome of any event was purely a matter of a number of factors interacting. I would worry about everything and how things work turn out. I'd obsess over trying to guess how a situation would resolve itself. I could never simply experience a situation and have faith that things would work out.
Later in my life I found Buddhism and it helped me begin to open up. I saw how I really suffered by being trapped in a cycle of hope and fear. That letting go of an outcome actually resulted in pleasant surprises, happiness and the seed for finding faith.
Since I began Kitten Associates in late 2009, I've had to find the faith to do what I feel is the right thing for the foster cats in my Program. It's always difficult and uncomfortable for me during the process, but in the end, I find a sense of peace and accomplishment that perhaps letting go of needing to know the outcome ahead of time would have prevented me from experiencing it at all.
I found my calling. I'm a Cat “Yenta” (matchmaker). I'm learning that although many adopters might be good pet parents, that they might not be “right” for my foster cats. I'm constantly torn between the temptation of letting the cat go to a home I don't feel 100% confident about and knowing it means, I may have that cat here for a very long time. There's a difference between being reluctant to let them go, or thinking my home is the best home for them. I don't think that. It's a blossoming seed of faith that I understand what home these cats would do best in and I will find that home for each and every cat.
Yesterday I did two home visits for potential adopters. After the first home visit, which was almost TWO HOURS long, I came home, worried, that I just couldn't move forward with the adoption. On paper they were fine. In person, they were ok, the house was big and clean, the people, polite; but something was missing. I didn't realize what it was until later that day when I did the second home visit.
The second home was small, neat and a bit worn, but there was love in that house. The couple who met us at the door, were clearly excited about getting another cat. Their cat Jasmine had died earlier this year and the woman, Debra, was deeply connected to this cat. In fact, Debra told me that while she was having a TT Touch treatment for her back pain, (her back injury is so bad she can no longer work and stays home most of the day) that the person doing the treatment told her to focus on Jasmine as she relaxed. Debra said that she strongly felt that Jasmine was going to send someone to her to help her find a new cat; that Jasmine felt it was time for Debra to move on.
Maybe it sounds corny, but that entire day I'd been thinking about Debra and how she stayed home all day. She wanted to adopt Mazie and the more I thought about it, the more I felt it wasn't a good fit for her. Mazie loves to run around, play, chat with me and get cuddles. To go to a very quiet home would be almost cruel, even if the home was very nice. I worried that I would disappoint them If I said no to them adopting Mazie, but in my heart I felt I had the answer. I just had to go with what I was feeling. It was weird. In my mind's eye I could see a path unfolding of just what to do. I followed my instincts and had faith it was the right thing.
After we toured the home, I told the couple why Mazie wasn't their cat, but the good news was that I had a cat who was right for them. They weren't insulted, in fact they were intrigued. It wasn't even a cat in my Program, but one located with my sister-shelter, Animals in Distress, about a 45 minute drive away. I told them I had already had it set up for them to meet the cat if they wanted to leave right then and there.
I showed them a photo of the cat. They both had the same reaction and Debra spoke for herself and her husband as she declared; “OH, I LOVE HIM!”
I knew this was the right thing to do. Faith, heart, good judgement, whatever it was, this was their cat.
Some of you may remember Rocco. He was a big lug. A sweet orange tabby who'd been dumped at Henry County Care & Control in Georgia. He had no hope of getting out alive, but there was something about his face that made me fight for him. Rocco is no baby. He's 7 or 8 years old, at least. I was lucky that AID would take him once I got him to Connecticut.
He was in the shelter for a month or so, then found, what we thought, was the perfect family. After less than a year, a peeing problem started up. Rocco was with 3 other male cats. He liked them well enough, but there was some sort of stressor causing him to urinate inappropriately and I bet it wasn't just him doing the deed. They took him to the Vet and did lots of tests. He was very healthy, no problems. The family gave up on him and returned him to AID about 6 weeks ago. Connie didn't even want to tell me he was back, knowing I'd be heartbroken.
After everything he'd been through, Rocco deserved a good home. He is a sweet, affectionate cat. You can tell he just wants to be loved and given a chance. At his age, the number of chances he'll get are growling slimmer.
This couple, who have two lovely, older daughters at 16 and 21, only have one other cat who is very shy and a 14 year old female. I think Rocco would be fine with her and not be stressed. He wouldn't have to share the bed with anyone other than the couple. Maybe this was IT. Maybe this was what was meant to be, all along?
The couple agreed to follow Sam and I to the shelter. We drove through crazy holiday traffic, but it didn't matter. My heart was soaring, I was so hopeful. The second we arrived, Connie took the couple to meet Rocco. I hadn't seen him for a year. He was sitting on top of a small fridge that was on the countertop. He looked thinner and sad. The couple came over to him and he sat up. Debra began to pet him and talk to him. He arched his back. We encouraged him to come down on the counter and he did so. He got more pets and love. Debra stayed with Rocco as we let her have some private time with him. She kept asking him if he wanted to go home with her, if he wanted some love. She'd call out, giving us a play-by-play; “He's purring now!...He gave me a head butt!”
Her husband, Ed, chatted with us, but was clearly happy about Rocoo. His wife spends the day resting and wanted a cat to cuddle up with. Rocco loved to sleep on the bed when he was in his last home. Rocco loves belly rubs, but would this couple take Rocco home?
We moved Rocco into the foyer so he could be alone with the four of us. We didn't want another cat to cause any issues or distractions. Rocco walked around the room and said hello to each of us. He laid down on the only rug, a small doormat near a cat scratcher. Rocco rolled over with his belly up and rubbed his face onto the scratcher. Debra kept talking to him or about him. He would come over to her, then to her husband. I could tell she was falling for him and knew that if he was this calm and friendly with her at a shelter, he would be even better in her home.
It was a done deal, probably from the moment I showed the couple Rocco's photo. As they filled out the paperwork, Rocco jumped onto the table, went over to Debra's winter coat and laid on it, making himself nice and comfortable. We all took it as a sign that Rocco agreed with the new arrangement.
They had a flimsy old cat carrier. Rocco didn't want to get into it. I didn't blame him. I wish I could have told him it was a good thing this time, but with some coaxing he made it just fine. I hugged the couple and congratulated them. Debra was beaming, excited and so happy. For her, the message from Jasmine was heard, loud and clear. Someone would come to her and help her find a new cat. For me, my own faith in doing the right thing, not trying to second guess what to do, lead me in the right direction.
As the couple left, I felt the dam burst. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. This adoption felt so right. It gave everyone what they needed. The couple was willing to take a chance on an older cat and to begin again after suffering the loss of their dear Jasmine. Rocco has a wonderful new home. Maybe this one will be what he's been dreaming of, all along-a true forever home.
There's one less cat at the shelter tonight and room for another. Even if one of "my" cats didn't get adopted, it's a WIN for all of us. I've felt like Rocco's Guardian Angel since I first saw his photo. Maybe I'm starting to understand my place in the world and with an open heart, I can find my way, too.
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