Foster Cat Journal: Broken

Caring for seven sick cats is killing me. Between their care, my own cats and the f-ing holiday stuff, I am so exhausted and sick it's scaring me.

Yesterday, Super Deb came over with a care bag full of things to help Cupid, our Mama kitty, feel better. Deb gave her sub-Q fluids, as her temp was 104.1°F. Cupid hadn't eaten much, has the runs, is lethargic and limp. It breaks my heart. I've tried a gillion different foods to tempt her. We ended up force feeding her, then she ate a bit on her own.

Today the gang was slated to go to the Vet for a re-check. I was figuring Mama needed more care than I can give her. This morning I had to get up early because Sam had to leave for NYC. I need him to help me medicate the cats, so I got up. I was so tired, I felt delirious. All I wanted to do was go back to bed, but I couldn't.

At least Cupid ate for me, which was a big surprise. I was very happy to see that, but she's still not “right.” The kittens are getting snottier and I'm still having trouble getting Donner to eat consistently. They all look like shit-this is after five days of meds. Great.

After I took care of all the cats and I fed myself, I went back to bed to sleep as long as I could before I had to pack up and get going. I had a bad dream. I was with some family, I was in a huge house. I didn't know where I was and I was frantically trying to get my iPhone to show me my GPS location. It said I was in Louisiana or Mississippi, but not sure...then I tried to call Shelby to come and help me but I couldn't get a call out. I woke up feeling worse than I did when I went to sleep.

As I got dressed, I heard vomiting. Petunia spewed a two foot trail ALL OVER MY BED, then more on the floor. I had to strip the bedding and get it washed, great.

Then I had to hurry up and get the cats into their carriers. This is the part where I either skip ahead or just tell the truth...I thought I had to fart, but it was not a fart...oh no. You can guess the rest. I had to RACE into the bathroom to clean up and change my clothes. Yes, I have the runs from not eating or not eating well and not getting enough sleep. I was running late, getting angry, then of course...I flush the toilet and I can tell it's going to back up and FLOOD all over the floor. I get the water turned off before it's too late. I can't find the f-ing plunger, so I just leave it. I'm already 15 minutes late.

I try to go slow, take a deep breath, so I don't let the momentum of all this stuff get me into an accident. I make it to the Vet's a few minutes late. Not a big deal.

The big deal is Cupid. Though her fever has broken, she has a great deal of fluid in her abdomen. Her kidneys are small. They took x-rays to confirm. It took three people to hold her down to get a blood sample. The Vet said something about her veins being blue before she even touched them..that it was weird. She also told me that Cupid is more like FIVE, instead of 1-2-another LIE from the good old south.

Cupid could be sick from parasites. One of the kittens has tapeworm. They all got treated for it. I hope that's the only problem going on because the head Vet came into the exam room and said that it's possible Cupid has kidney disease. If she does, it may mean there is nothing they can do and that Cupid will have to be euthanized.

I was not ready to hear that. Would I ever be? I asked her if money was not an issue, if we could help save Cupid's life. She said “maybe,” but even money may not be able to give her the chance at ever surviving.

I ask myself, what have I done? If I hadn't taken Cupid, she would be dead. I saved her life only to take it a few weeks later? Is that how this is going to play out?

I haven't even mentioned Comet-who lost her adopter and Rudy, who lost his, too. No one wants to wait. Both cats are still snotty and sick. Caring for them consists of me feeding and medicating them. That's it. I can't spend any time with them. I can't give them what I don't have.

I need help. I really need this to be done. I need Cupid to not be deathly ill, for the damn kittens to start bouncing back and eating well. I need Comet and Rudy to be in another home so they can get some love and attention they deserve.

I need some sleep. I need some good food and I need for there to STOP being f-ing problems with all the cats.