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I do the best I can. Maybe it's not enough. Certainly I'm flawed in how I deal with things. It's part of the human condition-that old clichè that no one is perfect.
March is just about here and I thought that perhaps in a week, all the fosters would be ready to go on Petfinder-the process of finding them homes would finally begin. Now that Blitzen probably has ringworm, all my plans are tossed in the wind. The balance of keeping them here until I'm sure they're healthy vs. the ticking clock, is a losing one. The older they get, the less chance they'll have of finding a home.
Cupid has been going crazy being confined. After three long weeks and her nightly rants-usually around 2 AM and 5 AM, where she'll start to cry and bang on the door to be let out test my patience. One morning, I was so angry I burst in the room and yelled, shoving her with my foot. I didn't hurt her, merely scared her, but it scared me, too. I think we're all tired.
I let her out the next day. Enough is enough. Quarantining her from the kittens didn't help keep them from getting the ringworm. No big surprise. I couldn't see the how it would help to keep her locked up any longer.
The big reunion didn't go as hoped. The kittens, their tails up high, ran to their Mother, eagerly sniffing her. She grabbed one and bit down on it, wrestled it to the ground and started to bunny-kick it. This was not play time. This was serious. Long gone are the days of Motherly love. I stopped her from doing more harm, but she continued to do it to the others.
I don't know enough about the Mother-Offspring relationship after the Mother has long since been spayed. I give her short time periods to run around with the kittens and if she gets out of hand, I put her back in seclusion. Again, the balance tips...trying to find a way for everyone to be comfortable and happy together.
Along this bumpy road, the balance has been tipped in my relationship with Sam, too. Today, out of the blue, he came down hard on me about something that didn't warrant such a harsh reaction. Apparently, I was supposed to know that whatever upset him, was not about the incident, itself, but from 17 years of other things that I can't quite understand.
I'm not asking anyone to take sides. I don't know who is right or wrong or if it matters any more. I just felt beat down and tired and done. I put my engagement ring back in its' box and left it by Sam's side of the bed. Is this it? I don't know.
All I know is that life is a struggle to seek “smooth sailing”-that perfect place where things are all right and everyone is happy. Thing is, maybe it's all just a struggle with no happy ending? Learning how to accept that...maybe that's what matters?
Comments
Oh, Robin, I'm sorry. I
Oh, Robin, I'm sorry. I certainly don't know the ins-and-outs of your relationship with Sam, but I do know that super-compassionate people like you DO seek to make everyone happy. And, I'm coming to learn that there is no making everyone else happy without sacrificing some very important parts of yourself. If you can, think of this as an opportunity to re-evaluate what YOU need. Maybe Sam's role in your life is the same as it has been for the past 17 years, and maybe it's different. Neither scenario is right or wrong. This could be the perfect time for you to say, "Okay. This is what I want and need, and I am going to attain that for myself."
Take care of you first. It may seem to go against your nature, but remember that if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anyone or anything else.
Feel free to holla at me if you won't be grossed out by my nasty-ass cold-from-the-fiery-pits-of-hell voice.
Take a deep breath, and look forward to the lilacs.
Oh wow
Hang in there...like Anna said, you're taking care of so many, but you can't forget to take care of yourself.
Robin, I'm sorry to hear
Robin,
I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. You do so much amazing work, I guess this has to happen sometime, right? I admire you and your dedication.
Relationship are hard. Me and my boyfriend have been fighting too, and wow, I am hard on myself about it... Maybe it'll make you feel better to know that most of us have difficulty in relationships! I hope you are able to discover what is best for yourself as well as the relationship and can have some peace. You're in my prayers!
Steph
Don't ever think you're not doing enough!
You're doing so much for so many kitties, so don't ever doubt that it's not enough. While we all wish we could, we can't save them all. You're making a huge difference in lots of lives, and not just kitties' lives. I know your blog is an inspiration to many.
I'm sorry you're going through such a rough spot. I'm sending you lots of good thoughts and energy!
Sucky Suck Suck !!!!
Oh Robin-
I am SO, SO SORRY! I just want you to know that I am thinking of you!
These ladies above said exactly what I wanted to say but much better than I can say it.
You GIVE SO MUCH to others. YOU DO TOO MUCH! I hope things work out. I so do!
Relationships are SO HARD! They just can beat the devil into and out of you sometimes.
I am in the first three years of my first relationship in 14 years! It has been rough going.
Our first year of marriage has sucked and I say I am gonna leave and go back home (to the US)
like every other day. It takes so much work. And I have spent most of the past year gaining weight,
crying and sleeping. So I hear ya sister. And I just hope everything will be OK. You are an amazing,
wonderful, and GENEROUS woman with a HUGE heart. You deserve nothing but the best out of life.
Is there no one from the rescue you work with that could take Cupid.
Someone who has no cats right now? I am sure those gorgeous kittens will be
adopted no matter how old they get.
Thinking of you!
Sending you big hugs across the border.
Michelle
Sending hugs.
Sending hugs.
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