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I'm screwed.

I could end the post right there, but I have to write this down. I don't expect anyone to believe me, but believe me, this is the truth.

Have you ever felt like you were getting a “cosmic” signal NOT to do something? Not to go somewhere?

Here it is---Tuesday. Sam and I are supposed to leave here on THURSDAY to travel to Vienna, VA to attend BlogPaws 2011. Sam and I are Speakers this year and it's vital for us to do networking while we're there, as well. We need to find sponsors for our Kitten Associates web site program, so we can get the funding to build free web sites for animal rescue groups in need. So it's important to be at this event.

©2011 Maria. S. Amberly's kittens take a nappy.

Maria, my fantastic Foster mom and Bobby, my fantastic helper-driver-cat-taker-to-the Vet are driving Amberly and her five kittens (remember them? You can see pix of them HERE) 10 hours north to Vienna, Virginia so I can bring them home with me on Saturday.

BUT...

1. Hurricane Irene. That beeyatch is going to slither up the coast of the USA and beeyatch-slap millions of people. Maria and Bobby are driving up from Georgia on Friday morning-just about the time the storm will hit. Then they have to drive back home on Saturday. The storm will be in the Carolinas by then, so how do they get home? Sam and I have to drive the I-95 corridor to get to VA. It will be severely impacted by the storm. It looks like we may even get HIT in Connecticut, while it's still a Cat 1 or 2 storm. That means, flooded roads, miserable driving, nightmarish traffic. We have to leave EARLY saturday and miss half of BlogPaws so we can get home in time to watch our house blow away. And my darling Nephew Ryan just started college in South Carolina..right on the coast and all I want to do is go get him and bring him home and all he wants to do is attend his first college weekend party.

2. Our Pet sitter and our backup pet sitter got sick. Hopefully they will be able to get here and help out in a few days. We won't know until we are supposed to LEAVE if everyone is ok to help provide care for Bob while we are gone.

˙2011 Robin A.F. Olson. As always, Bob is surrounded when he gets fed-just in case he doesn't eat it all the clean up crew lurks nearby.

3. Bob. Bob needs a lot of care. He needs to be syringe fed at least 4 times a day and given insulin shots twice a day. All our other cats need feeding and care. We can just scoot off and leave them with a big bowl of food. I can't play “what happens if Bob dies while we're gone,” but how can I not do that?

4.EARTHQUAKE? Holy crap. There was an earthquake about 80 miles south of Vienna, VA a few hours ago. Hopefully, no one was hurt and no infrastructure was damaged. Do we have to worry about an earthquake happening in a few more days? A worse one? I don't think so, but...with my luck, I wouldn't be surprised.

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˙2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Bye bye car. I hope you didn't just die.

5. My car just died. I was driving home. Got on the on ramp on I-84 and all the engine warning lights came on and the car made a funny sound and I could not accelerate any more. I pulled over as far as I could. I smelled something burning, then saw some smoke slip out from under the hood. I started shaking...grabbed the phone and got out of the car. I called 9-1-1 because I was concerned something might ignite and I was scared to death. I was in the blazing sun and 100's of cars were flying past me. I called AAA-thank God for them. They promised less than an hour. I tried to reach Sam. I called once...voice mail..I called again..voice mail..I started to cry.

Sam couldn't get to me. There was construction problems. The cops never showed up. I just sat there thinking that my car repair is probably going to cost me every dime I have left...hopefully not more...hopefully it CAN be repaired.

©2011 Maria S. Truffles has to wear the “cone of shame” for a few days until her infection clears up. I've NEVER had cats get spayed, come back with infections, ever!

6. Amberly's kittens have INFECTIONS from their spay surgery!!!! Are YOU KIDDING ME?!!! REALLY?? They have to be on clavamox for a few days. Not a big deal, unless their fevers don't go down and they get SICKER!!!!!

...and that isn't everything...just add being sick with a stomach virus, being sleep deprived and still suffering from a headache that started last year after I was in a car accident...and on and on...

I'm honestly terrified of what is going to happen next. Should I NOT go on this trip? I was all ready to write about how I was going to go full speed ahead and bravely drive right into the oncoming Hurricane Irene just to get to BlogPaws. Right after I thought that, my car DIED.

Is this a sign, or what?

Basil & Nigel are very lucky. Not only was I willing to go to bat for them, but TWO groups; the Siamese Cat Rescue Center and the Humane Society of Forsyth County both stepped forward to offer the boys a safe place to live until they find their forever home. Thank you, again to HSFC for taking them on!

Before the boys could go anywhere their first stop was East Lake Vet for a checkup! There the Vet would do a snap test-a simple blood test that indicates if the cats have Feline Leukemia or FIV+. This is the WORST part of doing rescue-not the late nights, phone calls, millions of emails...waiting to find out if the snap test results are positive is dreadful. If the boys were sick, very few rescues would take them and their future happiness would be in peril.

This afternoon, while I was waiting for a call from Bobby, I got an email. Maria surprised me with photos of the boys. Apparently she was in the area when Bobby brought the boys to the Vet so she stopped by. The subject line of her email was: “neg/neg” I know what that means! The boys are NOT SICK! WOOOOOOHOOOO!

More details about them came in: 1) Overall they're quite healthy! 2) Nigel weighs 27 1/2 pounds, while shy-guy Basil weighs 21 1/2 pounds, 3) they didn't have any sign of fleas or flea dirt, so they must have been indoors, 4) Poor Nigel's belly is burned. It appears both cats must have been confined to a VERY SMALL area. Possibly Nigel had to lay on bedding that was soaked in urine for a long time.

In a way, I'm glad we will never really know what happened to Nigel because it would kill me to find out. Nigel is a big love bug and even tried to jump onto the exam table, but because he's so big, he didn't make it and fell backwards. He wasn't hurt, but it's so sad he's trapped in that big body. It's only temporary, but still, it's brutal to see a beautiful animal suffering like that. It's just wrong.

We wonder if the boys might be Burmese/Siamese mixes due to their dark coloring. I'm not well versed in what makes a siamese. Maybe one of you might help us figure that out? Bobby told me their eyes are a very beautiful blue and that they're both good cats.

Basil is shy. We don't know if he was always like this or it was due to cruel treatment. Fortunately he is NOT aggressive, just a scaredy-cat. He didn't make a fuss when he was examined. I think he just wanted to get out of there an into a small dark place...okay a big dark place, to hide.

Later in the day, I got a few emails from Bobbie, who has graciously offered to foster the cats for the next 10 days or so. Bobbie said that Nigel was enjoying himself, but that Basil was hiding in the cat tree (which is not really bad since he wasn't hiding under a bed and was up high so he will be less stressed). That Basil wasn't eating their new grain-free canned food, to which I was not surprised to hear. Transitioning the cats to high quality canned food will be tough. Nigel DID eat, but wanted to eat alot more than he should, so Bobbie took it away and went back to letting them get used to their new home.

Most people know that you can't put a cat on a diet. Their metabolism is very different from that of a human. Cats get energy from protein, not carbs, as we do. They also can develop “fatty liver” or hepatic lipidosis if you try to get them to lose weight too fast. HL is deadly and NOT to be messed with.

I did some research and found some helpful tools that I could use to determine what these cats need for calories. Sadly, most cat food can labels do not list carbs or calories so you have to do the dreaded “M” word...MATH! This is a starting point. I realize I need to write a lot more about nutrition and feeding guidelines, but that will have to wait. For now, give this a try...

Also, from what I can tell, THIS IS NOT AN EXACT SCIENCE and every cat has different requirements for caloric intake so you MUST keep that in mind.

To start, you have to know how much your cat weighs, then convert pounds into KG. You can do that HERE

Next you have to use a Enteral Nutrition Calculator (ACK!) to figure out how many calories your cat needs. Based on Basil's weight-we'll call it 21 pounds. He would be 9.52 kg and his BER (basal energy requirement) is 355.59 kcal/day. That would be to MAINTAIN the weight he is now. The rest of the calculator is for sick cats or cats that need extra caloric intake. You probably don't need to use that, but I used this to find out that I am grossly under-feeding Bob, which is probably why he's a bag of bones right now. I've already started him on a different feeding regime to help him out.

The last step is to grab a can of whatever you're feeding your cat and READ THE LABEL. This Cat Food Nutrition Calculator from the Cornell Book of Cats is a start, but I discovered that it gave me one number and I saw a calorie listing on the cat food that said it had 40 more calories than the calculator determined! You can see why this is not an exact science!

Going by what it says on the label, fill in the percentages in the yellowed out area of the form. You'll copy the following information from the label: percent of Protein, Fat, Fiber, Moisture & Ash/Other Minerals. Once you do that, it will calculate how many calories are in every 100g of food.

The labels I checked show the gram weight of the food on the front, under the Net Weight. So for example, one can was 156 g in weight (a typical 5.5 oz “tuna can” size) and 106 calories per 100 g of food. That's roughly 165 calories per can. What shocked me was the HUGE difference from one brand of food to another. The one I thought was very high in calories was actually quite low!

Once you compare what your cat needs versus what it's eating, you'll see why you might have a tubby tabby on your hands. Now that we know the numbers, we can adjust Basil and Nigel's intake accordingly, but first things first...they need to settle down and get used to eating different food. Breaking them off the habit of eating dry will be tough, but in time they will adjust, especially since they don't have a phone and can't order a pizza behind our backs!

Lastly, we're still trying to fund our ChipIn for the boys. It's not a lot, but their food is costly and the Vet bill was rather big. If you can donate the cost of a cup of coffee to the boys, that would be great! If you can do more, even better. In a way, we all helped save the lives of Nigel and Basil because I couldn't help them, if you didn't help us with donations, so great work, TEAM CiCH!

I'm wiped out. I spent all day yesterday emailing rescues, trying to sort out what could be done to save the lives of these big siamese brothers. I wasn't surprised to get lots of “sorry, can't” replies, but I had to keep hoping someone would be willing to take them on. I started to think that someone was going to be me, but I'm going to have a full house pretty soon and I was worried that if I said, yes, to the boyz, I would be taking on way too much.

Many of you wrote to me and offered suggestions and even contacted some rescues on behalf of the kitties. Thank you all for your help! Even though most didn't pan out, it only takes ONE “YES!” to make the difference.

Yesterday morning, Marty, from DCIN, went to the shelter and checked their blood sugar levels. Neither cat is diabetic which will make placing them that much easier. Thank you, Marty & DCIN!

Yesterday afternoon, I contacted our friend Jennifer H. at the Humane Society of Forsyth County. You may remember Jennifer, she was the one we got to rescue the Cow Mama and Babies and the kitten with the deformed legs. I didn't expect that Jennifer could help, but I didn't know one thing-Jennifer has a soft spot for fat cats, especially siamese cats! When I asked her for help, she said, YES!

Even though Jennifer is out of town attending a family FUNERAL, she took the time to reply to me and give me the OKAY to pull these cats on her behalf. I offered to do a fundraiser to cover the initial costs for vet care and food (the cats MUST be on a grain-free canned diet now), to make it easier for her to agree.

A few minutes ago, Bobby, our intrepid cat-rescuer, picked up the cats and they are now at the Vet, waiting to get their very important snap test. We all have to cross our fingers and hope that both boys are negative/negative for FIV and Feline Leukemia!! After that, it “should” be smooth sailing. They'll be whisked away to their Auntie Bobbie's house to be fostered until they can be moved northe to HSFC.

We named them, Basil & Nigel after Basil Rathbone, the actor who portrayed Sherlock Holmes in the 1940's and Nigel, after Nigel Bruce, who portrayed Dr Watson.

Our coffers are almost empty and we REALLY NEED HELP getting funds together to cover the Vet care and the boy's food for the next few weeks. If you can help make a donation towards their care, it's tax deductible!

Donations can be made via the ChipIn Widget, below, or you can mail a check, payable to:

Kitten Associates

P.O. Box 354

Newtown, CT 06470-0354

Thank you for all your support and for caring about these big boys. I hope to report, one day, that they are sliming down and blossoming into fine felines. The weight loss process must be done slowly and carefully, so it will take some time, but one day they will be feeling much better! Today starts their new life!

Thanks to Diabetic Cats in Need (DCIN), they've got someone who can work with diabetic cats who lives in McDonough, GA-not far from where the cats are located! She can test the blood sugar of the 29 pound siblings we're trying to help who are stuck at Henry County Care & Control. We're all concerned that in addition to being obese, these babies may be diabetic. Should they be diabetic, DCIN can possibly help us find a foster home or placement for the cats. First-this person has to be allowed to test the cats, which may not be possible. I don't know if there are rules about allowing a non-adopter to help the cats! That sounds sick, but I just don't know if we'll be able to test them.

©2011 Betsy Merchant. Poor Babies!

I've been looking up Siamese cat rescues and contacting them to find out if any of them can help us. So far, no luck, but I'll keep looking.

If anyone out there knows any Siamese cat rescues or ANY cat rescue that would take this pair, please contact me RIGHT AWAY at info@coveredincathair.com And yes, transport can be arranged.

We gotta keep trying to help these babies! By the way, they ARE already spayed/neutered and sadly, are declawed, too!

THIS JUST IN: THE CATS ARE NOT DIABETIC. IT'S TWO BOYS, NOT A GIRL AND BOY! AND THEY ARE GOING TO BE EUTHANIZED ON MONDAY AFTERNOON!!! THIS IS AN URGENT SITUATION! CODE RED!

Is it a meatloaf with ears or a cat? It's almost impossible to believe the answer.

©2011 Betsy Merchant. WHAT????

This brother and sister, chocolate siamese, DECLAWED, pair were dumped at Henry County Care & Control in McDonough, Georgia and declared they were found as strays, but what stray cat WEIGHS 29 POUNDS?!!!

©2011 Betsy Merchant. They ARE kitties after all!

They're both terrified and miserable.

The girl has scald marks on her abdomen from being trapped in a cage full of her own urine.

These cats were probably “free fed” a big bowl of dry food by some UNCONSCIOUS person who could NOT HAVE NOTICED their cats were SO FAT that both probably are diabetic and have joint problems, to say the least.

©2011 Betsy Merchant. This poor girl. How long was she sitting in her own urine??? What was done to her??

These poor creatures have little chance of getting out alive. They're full up at HCCAC and they're euthanizing cats daily. I want to get them OUT of there, put them on GOOD food, NOT a DIET. Get them to start the road to wellness and feeling better. I'm looking for a local foster home in the southeast of Atlanta to foster them until the end of September when I hope to be able to bring them up here to find their forever home.

OR...

DOES ANYONE KNOW OF A SIAMESE RESCUE GROUP WHO WOULD TAKE THIS COUPLE INTO THEIR RESCUE??? We've GOT to find a way OUT for these chubby babies! Anyone know of a good foster home southeast of Atlanta or anyone who might want to adopt these two?

©2011 Betsy Merchant.

This is information (below) from Betsy at Henry County about the location for these cats and contact information. If you want my help with anything or have questions just contact me and I'll do what I can!

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**Please Note; When forwarding, cross posting, or re-posting I ask that you leave this message intact exactly as it was written by me. I do not give permission to post my message, part of my message, or my photographs on Craig's List or Facebook. Thank you for your help and support, and for respecting my wishes.**

Betsy Merchant~

We are very rescue friendly and are more than happy to work with any rescue group as long as the group has a valid Georgia Department of Agriculture license! Any rescue group, whether in or out of state, that takes pets from Georgia shelters, is required, by Georgia law, to have a rescue license issued by the Georgia Department of Agriculture's Animal Protection Division. Having tax exempt status is not the same as a license. For more information on obtaining a license, please call (404) 656-4914.

Contact:

mystiblu@bellsouth.net

Henry County Animal Care and Control

527 Hampton Street

McDonough, Georgia 30253

(770) 288-7401

http://www.petfinder.com/shelters/GA67.html

Our Hours:

Monday-Friday: 9 am-4:30 pm

Saturday: 9 am-1 pm

Sunday: Closed

County Observed Holidays: Closed

The shelter is located at 527 Hampton Street in McDonough. We are located south of Atlanta off I-75. Take exit 218 and head east on 20/81 toward McDonough. Our address is 527 Hwy 20/81 East.

For all other information regarding ordinances, county codes, and other functions of Henry County Animal Care and Control please visit www.hcacc.org

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Please cross post and share so this cat CAN find his forever home! We've done it before, let's do it again! Let's WIN one for a kitty-in-need before his time is up and don't forget-there are LOTS of other cats at Henry Co. who would love a home, so check out their website to see a listing of available cats and kittens! THANK YOU!

John Edwards saw three little kittens, stumbling on the streets of Babylon, New York (Long Island). He had no idea what was wrong with them, but he knew he had to do something to help. He brought the kittens home. Something was wrong with the little ones and to make matters worse, his dog wanted to eat them as a snack, so John knew he couldn't do more than give them a temporary home. He worked frantically to get them the help they needed.

John contacted the local shelter in Huntington. Sadly, they couldn't help. They were more than full up and had no fosters. The Director recognized the telltale shake and the difficulty one of the kittens had in walking. The kittens had CH or Cerebellar Hypoplasia. Luckily for the kittens, the Director was also a member of the CH Kitty Club! and had other resources, outside of the shelter, to help.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Josephine wonders what's going on.

Word spread quickly about these little darlings on Facebook. They needed a foster family, quick! They needed vet care! They needed a rescue to take them and folks to get them to the rescue!

Normally, each phase of doing this sort of rescue takes a lot of time and coordination. Lots of folks offered to do their part and within a few days a rough plan was hatched and donations started to come in from all over the country!

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Thumper is so cute, but don't get too close to her just yet!

Someone stepped forward to foster the cats and deliver them to Connecticut. Jennifer and I offered to drive them from the Bridgeport Ferry (which travels to and from Long Island most days) and drive the kittens close to the Massachusetts border where a rescue group was going to take them into their program!

While I'll admit there was a lot of back and forth, date changes, time changes, then poor Jennifer got sick a few hours before she was to pick up the kittens-somehow we pulled it off!

Okay, so the foster mom decided to KEEP one of the three kittens at the very last second, which is normally not done once a transport is set up, but a good home is a good home. So we took the remaining two kittens, Josephine and Thumper, to meet their new foster parents, Anne and Joe.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

While I was driving, I told Jennifer to put the cat carrier on her lap so she could take a better look at the kittens. Jennifer unzipped the top of the case and started to talk this cute baby talk voice to the kittens. Now Jennifer loves EVERY cat, but within seconds I heard one of the cats SPIT and hiss. Oops! Jennifer pulled her hand back quickly, then blurted out; “I hate this cat!” She zipped up the case and returned the kittens to the backseat.

One of the kittens was clearly feral. Guess this rescue was going to get a surprise! I started to worry they wouldn't show up at the pickup location. The last thing I need is to have to socialize a kitten right now! Jennifer said out loud what I was thinking about being stuck with the kittens and we both giggled about it. I know she didn't hate that kitten and someday the little girl will like people, just not today and not after a ride on the Ferry and a long drive! Josephine said quietly, unlike her sister, but we knew that was because she can't really walk on her own and maybe it was tough for her to express herself, too?

Anne and Joe arrived to pick up the kittens. What super-awesome folks they are! They actually specialize on rehabilitating CH kittens! Anne told me she had a kitten who could only do backflips. That was the only movement he could make. Her Vet said to put him down, but she said, No. His name is BOB!

She built a carpeted ramp for him, used a sling under his belly and helped him learn to walk. The ramp allowed him to build strength in his back legs and the carpet lets him dig his claws in to get traction. Today he can walk on his own! He does not have the gait of a CH-free cat, but he does well. Anne felt she could help Josie walk and she didn't bat an eye when we told her about Thumper! Both kittens will get what they need for as long as they need it. Then one day, they too will find their forever home with a new family.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Jennifer (left) hands off the kittens to Anne.

They say, “it takes a village,” and boy is that true. If John hadn't taken a risk to help those kittens, we know this story would have had a sad ending. He just did what was right and found a solution. It's tough to stick your neck out for stray cats because you don't know how it will go, but we have to try.

There are many more kitties out there who need help. Next time you see one, I hope you'll consider taking a chance to create your own rescue story with a happy ending.

I'm still struggling with putting words together when it has to do with Bob. Writing about it makes me think about him, his care, about his challenges, which ultimately lead me to worrying (even more) about how much time is left. I'm trying not to worry, not to fret, but I am an anxious person by nature, so how easy is this to accomplish? It's a struggle to stay with it-stay with the fear of seeing your cat growing more frail while you try to be present in each moment.

It's Monday. Bob should have been dead for three days already, but I cancelled the appointment to have him put down. Each day that ticks by, is a bonus day for him (and me). Each day I worry that I will wait too long or that Bob will go into distress when I can't get Dr Larry here, but it's a chance I have to take. Some amazing things have happened for Bob. I have to ride this out, regardless of how difficult.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Just Bob.

I mentioned in my last post that I gave Bob insulin and I want to talk about how I arrived at that decision.

I've come to the point where I don't just blindly follow what my Vet tells me. I have to really consider what is said, but then do my own research. Vets are like anyone else, they can't know everything and I doubt they know my cat better than I do. Think about it. Your Vet has to treat how many animals over a given day? How many upset pet-parents call him or her? There is a tremendous amount of information they have to keep track of, but they can't give your cat or dog 100% of their attention. It's just too much to take on. They also don't LIVE with your pet. They don't see the fine details that you may have forgotten to mention. When your cat is terminally ill, as Bob is, I think it's okay to take a step back and really consider what is before you and not make a decision solely based on what someone tells you to do.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Bob still LOVES his cat grass.

So even though the tests say things look terrible for Bob, Bob, himself is still plugging along. He has recently become diabetic from the steroids I had to give him to control his cancer and if that was not treated, Bob would suffer terribly from bladder infections, muscle wasting and organ failure. Something had to be done about his blood sugar. Because of this problem and because chemo is no longer an option, I decided to ask Jennifer, our Board Member of Kitten Associates and my good friend, to help me with Bob. Jennifer is a Case Manager for Diabetic Cats in Need and she really knows her way around diabetic cats.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Yes. Bob is eating DRY FOOD! It's grain-free and very high quality. Bob gets what he wants these days and this is one of the few things he eats on his own.

We did a Blood Glucose Curve over the course of an afternoon. Every hour Jennifer took a tiny speck of blood from Bob's ear and tested it on a meter. The first reading was almost 500 when under 100 is normal. The next few readings dipped down into the 400's, but on his own, Bob couldn't get his sugar to come down enough. We gave him 1 unit of Lantus, which is slow acting and gentle. We re-checked Bob's blood and the number came down a bit, then into the mid-300's an hour later. This meant that Bob was getting some help from the insulin and if he continued to go down, he might feel a lot better.

The next day I started to see a change. Bob was a bit brighter. He was more willing to eat. Not a lot, but he ate. I still syringe feed him at least twice a day to supplement what he can eat on his own.

When you're assessing your cat for “Quality of Life,” you take everything into consideration. This is my informal checklist:

Using the litter pan? YES! Bob even had a big ol' normal looking poop which I haven't seen him do in months.

Preening? Or grooming? Yes, Bob still washes his face and we give him a bath to help sooth his awful ringworm.

Eating!! The big one: Bob IS eating some. He is pickier than ever, but at this point, he gets what he wants as long as it's not grained food. I ain't gonna feed that. NO WAY. Bob's offered food MANY times a day. The cancer gets most of his nutrients so sadly Bob is very very thin. Bob's also drinking a lot of water because of the diabetes, but I've seen him not drinking as much over the past few days.

Interacting with family? YES! Bob gave me the “Puss in Boots” look that tells me he's hungry. He slept on the sofa next to Nicky. He's not hiding. He doesn't move around a lot, but he DOES get up on his own and he still purrs, just not as often.

Is the cat comfortable? Or does he/she sit “meatloafed” with paws tucked under the belly, NOT looking relaxed at all? Bob has been looking more relaxed lately. I've seen him flatten out and even have dreams while he sleeps. Does the cat cry in pain?

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. A shadow of his former 16 pounds, it's still BOB at just over 9.

People have come up with all sorts of formulas about how many good days the cat has versus how many bad and how to know it's time. I think it's a start, but really, as most of us know, we'll know when it's time. Be observant. Try to watch out for the urge to just get it over with because YOU are suffering watching this natural process occur. This is very very difficult, but we owe it to our animals to give them every option and every day we can.

As for Bob. He's still Bob. He is the coolest cat I've ever known. Though it hurts my heart to pet him, because he's so thin, his soul is unchanged. He's cool even in his last days.

I love Bob.

The pain of the past four days have made it impossible to talk about it, let alone write anything down. Bob has been sliding along this slippery slope for a very long time-almost 10 months. Over the past week, he's grown more and more reluctant to eat on his own. I syringe feed him a few times a day, but I know it's a sign the cancer is spreading.

On Tuesday I called Bob's oncologist. They said to bring him in. I was having a dental procedure done, so Sam offered to drive Bob to Wappinger Falls, NY., to the Vet's office. Before he left, I wrote down notes about how Bob had been doing, what happened after the last chemo (he did fine) and what we were concerned about going forward. I warned Sam not to do a bunch of tests. We are both broke from Bob's Vet care and coming up with almost $700.00 a month has been really brutal. I knew they'd have to, at least, do some blood work, but beyond that I was worried about doing too much to Bob.

I went to the dentist, feeling sick with worry about my sweet cat. The dental technician who works with my dentist, started to tell me how she had to put her 19 year old cat down a few weeks ago. I really didn't want to think about that. I just felt worse, like I was kicked in the gut and couldn't catch my breath. Even though my Dentist was just putting on a Crown, it was very painful, but in some ways the pain made me forget about Bob for a few moments.

Sam called and said he was coming home and leaving Bob behind. They wanted to keep him overnight, possibly a few days. They were running all sorts of tests, x-ray and ultrasound. It was going to “cost.” Oh great...just great.

I love Bob so very much, but we're in a very bad place financially. Sam said we just have to do this..and he was right.

A few hours after Sam got home, Dr. Joe called. The news was bad. It appeared that the cancer has returned to Bob's liver-what's left of it. That there may be cancer in his pancreas. That some of the mesenteric lymph nodes are large (indicating the lymphoma is worse) and that Bob now had DIABETES on top of everything else-no doubt induced by all the steroids Bob was being given as part of his chemotherapy protocol. His blood sugar was 500. Normal is 80-100. He had sugar in his urine which can bring on a bladder infection and cause a lot of pain if not treated.

I guess it basically came down to that there are so many issues and because the liver cancer isn't treatable, that means we just stop the chemo and that really, it's time to let Bob go.

I told him I wanted Bob to come home and that we would take care of him. I asked about insulin, just to keep Bob comfortable and get his blood sugar down. They said no..that they would have to do a glucose curve and did I want to do that and knowing my bill was $1600.00, I said, no..that we would just get him home and keep him comfortable. They put him on an IV and said we could bring him home that night, but to give it a few hours so Bob would have some benefit from the IV.

I talked to Sam and we decided to make an appointment to have Bob euthanized on Friday. That way we could love him up and let him have a great last few days. No more medications, just syringe feeding and whatever else he wanted. Dr. Larry was available to come to our home, so we knew that would be the best for Bob.

We left the house at 8pm and made the hour long drive to New York. It was stormy and foggy an the first time we'd been to the Clinic in the dark. I began to realize that this was the last time we'd be there. That all the things we were going to do to pass the time while Bob had his chemo, we were never going to do. That Bob was simply done with chemo...it would have been his 13th and now, no more. That this was perhaps, the last time Bob would have to be in the car. The heaviness of the situation began to crush my heart. I just wanted to get there and get Bob home.

We spoke with Elisa, one of the Techs who has cared for Bob. She actually cried about him and said what a good boy he was, how sorry she was and how hard it is to see animals lose their battle and have to be put down. She was very sweet and compassionate. It was a nice break from how clinically cool Dr. Joe has been. She brought Bob out to us and he looked good. His eyes were bright and he was rubbing his head on the door of the cat carrier. I slid a few of my fingers between the openings and rubbed his cheek. He rubbed at me and purred loudly. He seems happy to seem me. I could tell the IV had really perked him back up, but I knew it wouldn't last.

Sam drove us home while I sat in the back seat with Bob. He ate a few treats, then came out of the cat carrier and stood on my lap, looking outside at the traffic passing by. He went back into the cat carrier and sat. I put my hand under his chin and he rested his head on me as he so often did on the long trips home. In that moment, my heart started to shatter. This might be the last time Bob does this to me.

There is much more to say. Much more to consider and share with you. The choice to put Bob down was not made lightly, nor had it anything to do with money. It just has to do with Bob, how his life is day to day. It's a heartbreaking challenge to be there with him and see him waste away. Part of me wants it to be over so I can stop suffering over knowing I am losing him, but a bigger part of me knows it's NOT about ME. It's about giving Bob the most dignity, compassion and love for however long he has with us. There is NO right answer here. Putting him down today or waiting? Is he suffering now or did I deny him more days or weeks that he deserves to have? Once that choice is made, it cannot be undone. How do you choose?

How do you live while you watch your dearest friend, slowly dying?

For now, all I can say is it's Friday and in three and a half hours, Bob was supposed to be euthanized. It's a lovely day and Bob is sleeping on his cushy lounge chair on the deck. I syringe fed him and gave him some insulin. Yes, insulin. (more on that in the next post). He ate some cat grass and had a big drink of water.

I won't know until some day, after Bob dies, what would have been the best thing for him. For today, the best thing is to let him enjoy this glorious day. The appointment for being euthanized has been cancelled. If today is to be his last, it will be on HIS terms, not at the end of a needle. If it is in another week, so be it. I realize it's a crap shoot, but four people who have seen Bob all said the same thing...

...It's not time. Not yet. The best thing is to just let him live his life and hold off on making any further decisions.

Elke is awesome. She really kicks butt.

Last year she jumped at the chance to ADOPT, not foster, an adult cat who was dumped at the door to a Vet in the blistering heat of southern Atlanta. The cat, stuck in a cat carrier, suffered there until the local Vet's office opened a day later. He didn't care for the cat, he turned it over to Animal Control, who brought it to a KILL SHELTER. This kitty had NO CHANCE of surviving. She wasn't a kitten, she wasn't fancy-pants, she was just a tabby with an pleading look in her eyes.

The cat's name was Koko and the notes attached to her cat carrier sent shock waves throughout the cat rescue community. Of all the stories I've written, Koko's got the most passionate and heated reactions-my own, included.

Koko's backstory is HERE.

In nine days, it will be the one year anniversary of KoKo, who is now named, Sophie's freedom and the start of her life 2.0. Elke, opened her home, took a big risk and fell in love with this chubby tabby who only sort-of-kind-of gets along with Elke's other cats. It doesn't matter. There's plenty of room for everyone. The cats co-exist peacefully and Sophie will never have to worry about being dumped again.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. WOO! LOVE IT!

Since I arranged for Sophie's release from the Kill shelter, her vetting and transport, Elke and I have become friends. Elke is a diehard supporter of Kitten Associates and for all cats in need. This woman LOVES animals and it's clear her heart is huge.

The latest proof arrived in the mail today! A surprise! A stunning, fantastic, zebra-striped cat carrier! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!

I'm a Graphic Designer and I LOVE black and white with a hit of hot pink or red and this cat carrier has all the right touches of red! It is a knockout!

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Don't even bother trying!

The second I put it on the floor Blitzen, Mazie and Nicky rushed over to check it out. Blitzen, somehow managed to cram himself into the opening, while Mazie smacked at his face out of jealousy!

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.Well I'll be! Look at Blitzen!

This cat carrier isn't really made for a big cat, it's really for the foster kittens. I know “the DOOD” being black & white, will coordinate perfectly with his carrier or, vice versa!

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Uh oh. Mazie is not havin' it!

I didn't realize how tired I was of the boring, flesh-tone colored hard plastic boxes I lug back and forth to the Vet. Now I can't wait to bring Doodles for his FVRCP vaccine! We'll be the hit of the waiting room, for sure! If it wasn't so hot, I'd just pack him in it and take him for drives with me.

For now I'll have to contain myself...hee hee...

THANK YOU, ELKE!

and thank you for loving Sophie so much, too!

I rescued Phil from Henry County in early June when it didn't work out that he could live there as a shelter cat. [his rescue story is here] He didn't like the dogs, so he had to go. Over the past few months, Phil's been enjoying life with Bobbie, his foster mama and cat-blogger of Cats-Goats-Quotes.

While Phil was in foster care, I got lots of updates. Every one said what a sweet, pretty cat he was. He was laid back and got on with Bobbie and her other cats. He didn't make a fuss, wouldn't jump on furniture, but would rather just sleep inside his cat carrier.

She noticed scars on his nose and started to wonder if Phil had been abused and maybe shoved off the furniture, never being allowed the sense of comfort most cats enjoy.

Bobbie graciously held Phil longer than I expected because Cara, Polly, Mac and Mazie were still here. After Cara went to another foster home and Mac and Polly were about to be adopted, I let Bobbie know it was time to say her farewell to Phil and to get him on the next PETS transport north. I have never felt worse about asking to take a foster cat from someone, but it was time.

Of course Bobbie was completely gracious about letting go, but I know how much it hurts. Bobbie wrote a lovely post entitled: “Friday without Phillip” about how much she loves Phil and misses him, but she made sure he got onto the transport headed for Connecticut.

©2011 Bobby Stanford.

What made matters worse was the heat. It was far too hot in the suburbs of Atlanta in late July. The inside of the transport was too hot. Phil, and his traveling companions, Muddles & Cuddles, who were going to my partner-shelter, Animals in Distress, were not too happy. In fact they were panting. They were supposed to be in a part of the trailer that was away from the dogs-they were not. I got frantic calls from Maria, then I called PETS, but could not get through to anyone. Maria wished she had kept the cats off the truck. Bobby, who had delivered Phil to the transport looked at Phil. He had the saddest look on his face. Bobby said it was as if he was saying “what did I do for you to do this to me?”

©2011 Bobby Stanford.

This was Thursday afternoon. The transport would not arrive until Saturday morning. How were these cats going to survive?

I made calls and sent e-mails. I paced. I fretted. I know Kyle Peterson who owns PETS transport. He's a good guy. He runs a good service. I've never had a problem but I've never done a run in such blazing hot weather.

Friday morning I got an email, assuring me everything was all right and asking me to call them on their private number. When I called, I was told that Phil and the other kitties had overnighted in the office at PETS which had A/C and was away from the dogs. They ate well and were relaxed. I was assured that the A/C on the truck worked and that they were doing everything they could to monitor the transport, the animals and their well being. That they even had a cat lover on the truck to keep extra attention on our three cats-the only cats on the truck (as usual).

The next day passed uncomfortably. I kept envisioning Phil dying or being so messed up from the trip that I could never adopt him out. At 6:30AM PETS called and said the truck was running late, a first. That they would be in about 90 minutes late. 90 more minutes to fret.

It was going to be 90°F in Connecticut the day the transport arrived. All I could think of was to get Phil, get him into the car with the A/C blasting and get him home! I ended up following the trailer into the parking lot! What timing! I didn't have to wait long to get Phil off the truck. When they brought him to me, he started to cry-a big loud siamese-ish ME-OW! I knew what he meant. GET HIM OUT OF HERE!

Connie came to get Muddles & Cuddles. I saw them for about 10 seconds, but made my excuses to get going. As soon as we were in the car, Phil settled down. It was so quiet, I think he finally felt like he could relax. By the time we were home, he was asleep.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Poor Phil. He was completely wiped out after the trip.

I got him into his room. He meowed loudly to be fed. I felt bad taking him off what he was used to and starting him on grain free canned. Better get it over with! I gave him a can of food. He ate the whole 5 ounces. He had a good drink of water. He laid down on the wood floor. I encouraged him to climb on the bed, but he seemed reluctant, so I put him on the bed. I petted him a bit and looked at his blue eyes. I didn't want to do much to him right then and there. He needed rest. I left him on the bed and he passed out cold.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. After sleeping for the better part of a day, Phil starts to perk up.

Phil slept a lot over the first two days. I just kept him fed and spent those days sitting near him on the bed. We, okay I, watched dumb movies on TV. I petted him and talked to him. He was not overly friendly, but not mean. He was just tired. Poor guy.

I'd been getting applications on Phil from before he arrived, so after just three days of being with me, I went on a home inspection of a couple that lives in the neighboring town. Their home was spotless. They're retired and very active. They have no kids, but love cats and all animals. Their home overlooks a waterfall and the woods. There are windows everywhere you look. They are really nice people and they have one kitty named Tiger who misses his friend, Cisco, who passed away just about the same day I rescued Phil from the shelter.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Finally sitting up and looking well rested at last!

Two days later, they came to meet Phil. They talked about possibly re-naming him, Big Poppy after one of the players on the Red Sox. They liked how big he was, but didn't think he was “that” big! Are you kiding me? He IS a big guy! They were a bit nervous about how Tiger would react to Phil. At least I knew Phil loved other cats, but if Tiger doesn't like him, then Phil has to come back to my house.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

They wanted to give it a try and they filled out the Adoption Contract and I helped them pack up Phil, along with his favorite toy balls, his catnip banana and some feather toys. I gave them some food, too and they gave me their promise that they'd do their best for Phil.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Phil with the infamous Catnip Banana!

Phil leaving was like ripping off a bandage. He wasn't here long enough for me to fall head over heels. He was here long enough for me to see what a special guy he is and how lovely he is. He really perked up and got playful before he left. He would “lumber” instead of run. It was really cute. His legs go for miles. I think he can't get out of his own way some times.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. One last road trip to make it home.

The next part of Phil's story is up to fate and the faith of his new family. Will Phil end up coming back? Maybe. I can't say for sure. I know that he did well after his first day and that his new dad, Joe, enjoys sitting on the bed, with Phil curled up next to him. Joe reads a book and pets Phil. They were buddies after a few hours.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Farewell, Phil! I hope you have the most wonderful rest-of-your-life, ever!

This feels good and right, but time will tell. For now, Phil is safe and in a loving home. With all my heart, I hope that this is “the one” for this gentle giant and if not, I've always got his back.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. The words every rescuer hopes to hear!