Kitten

I got a call from Dr. Larry with Cara's blood test results. She has a high white blood cell count and elevated eosinophils, which is a type of white blood cell. This is indicative of an infection, but it could also show an infection is resolving itself since she's been on LOTS of de-worming meds as well as antibiotics. We'd have to repeat the blood work to see what direction the numbers are tracking to know for sure. All I know is there is NO WAY we are giving Cara any more medications right now.

What's next? Stay the course. See if she can keep the baby food down. Today she ate 3 full jars of chicken baby food. That's the most she's eaten for a long time. No vomiting for about 36 hours. This is good, but not good. The real test is when I start to mix in some balanced canned cat food to see if she can tolerate something richer in texture and content.

What I need to prepare for is what happens if Cara can't keep her food down? Options include a Feline Barium Swallow Fluoroscopy, which is basically a long way to say: Dynamic X-Ray. They feed Cara radioactive Barium, then watch the contents move down into her stomach AS it happens. This is non-invasive and could possibly show that Cara does have a PRAA. There are only two or three places in the area that can do this evaluation. One is Tuft's. Just the name, alone, puts fear in my heart. If I thought Bob's chemo was expensive, this will pale in comparison. I don't even want to know what it's going to cost.

If that doesn't work, then we knock Cara out and 'scope her and possibly take some samples of her esophagus tissue...and after that, to correct this problem is surgery.

I can only hope there is a million- or billionaire reading this blog because I can't afford this level of care for Cara. I was trying to buy some time so I could get our Kitten Associates fundraising going and build up a reserve to cover things like this, but time is up.

I'm not going to make any decisions right now-not until we see how Cara does. I just heard another rescue group in the area has a kitten with the same symptoms and their Vet can't make a diagnosis, so the group was going to euthanize the kitten! I was really stunned to hear this, but thankfully, someone stepped up and took the sickly kitten and is still trying to find a way to help this kitten, too. One of my friends let them know about PRAA and they did NOT know about it so hopefully this kitten will get a second chance to live a healthy life if she has PRAA, too.

Lastly, I need to make a comment about my post yesterday. I know there are some very hurt feelings about what I wrote and I'm not at liberty to go into details out of respect for the people involved. Bottom line is Cara's health problems have really gotten to me and this year has been the worst, ever and it's barely started. I've had a crippling headache since the car accident last year and I am in chronic pain. Yesterday, I really felt ganged up on and it was the straw the broke the camel's back. I could have handled it better, but being human, I am prone to making errors. I can't go back and erase my words, but I can say that I'm sorry to those who may have been upset and that moving forward, I hope we can still be on friendly terms. Is apologizing going to fix everything? No. It's a start, at least.

I don't like to talk about myself because I know everyone out there is having a bad time, but things just never seem to get better for me. I feel like I'm slowly slipping, failing miserably and just not having the success I have been working so hard for for a long time now. Are things ever going to get better?

I'm not asking for a pity party. I know I just need to stick with it. Not give up. It will be okay, whatever it is...it will. Right now, though, I feel like a ton of bricks is weighing heavily on my heart.

Thank you to SO MANY of you who took the time to e-mail, post comments here or on our CiCH FB page about what to do to help Cara get better.

In a way, I wish I didn't have such smart folks reading my Blog. A few of you wrote to me about PRAA and asked me if Cara might have that? PRAA is Persistent Right Aortic Arch. Yes, it's as bad as it sounds.

This is a description of PRAA from Bob Sherding of the Veterinary Information Network. You can read the entire article HERE.

“Vascular ring anomalies are congenital malformations of the great vessels and their branches that entrap the intrathoracic esophagus and cause clinical signs of esophageal obstruction. Persistent right aortic arch (PRAA) accounts for 95% of vascular ring malformations and occurs when the embryonic right rather than the left fourth aortic arch becomes the functional adult aorta. The ligamentum arteriosum continues to develop from the left side, thus forming a band that crosses over the esophagus to connect the main pulmonary artery and the anomalous aorta. Esophageal compression occurs by the aorta on the right, the ligamentum dorsolaterally on the left, the pulmonary trunk on the left, and the base of the heart ventrally.

Affected cats are usually presented as kittens for regurgitation of solid food that began at the time of weaning. Most cats are presented before six months of age. Regurgitation of undigested food usually occurs immediately after eating but is sometimes delayed as ingesta is retained in a large esophageal pouch that develops cranial to the obstruction. Liquids and semisolid food are preferentially retained. On physical examination, most cats are underweight.

The dilated esophagus appears as a food or fluid-filled density cranial to the base of the heart. On the ventrodorsal view, the normal bulge of the aortic arch to the left is absent. A barium esophagram can confirm the location of esophageal obstruction and the severity of secondary esophageal distention. Endoscopy shows extraluminal compression by the ligamentum.

Definitive therapy for PRAA is surgical ligation and transection of the ligamentum arteriosum. Clinical improvement is usually noted after surgery; however, mild esophageal distention may persist, especially if a large pouch was present prior to surgery. Recovery of normal esophageal function is best when the surgery is performed at an early age.”

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Cara. What is wrong with you little one?

This sounds a lot like what Cara is experiencing. I'm going to give Dr. Larry a call to make sure he's ruled this out as a possible cause of Cara's inability to keep food down. We're also getting Cara's blood test results back today. Might show us something.

Speaking of Cara, she has NOT vomited since the dry food debacle yesterday afternoon now that I"m feeding her ONLY chicken baby food. She seems perky and lively and HUNGRY. I'm monitoring her calorie intake to make sure she gets enough to eat. In a few days I'll begin to mix in a better balanced grain-free canned food into the baby food to see if she can manage it. If she can't keep it down, I'm going to be doubly suspicious that she has PRAA.

And, of course, Polly is sneezing again-rapid fire. I really hoped this new round of meds would get her better, but it seems to have failed. Chester is doing well, but has a runny eye. He's a very big boy! I really need to get him ready to be adopted!

Me, I've just got a headache.

Cara's spirit is as big as the world. Her green eyes glint with mischief. As I hold her, a deep purr kicks in, celebrating the simple joy of being alive. Her chest rises, quickly falls, then rises again. When her breath leaves her, I can see her ribs. When I pet her back, I can feel her spine. She is so small and underweight, yet her drive to live is so strong, so vital, how can we lose her?

If we can't find the answer to WHY Cara is not able to keep her food down, we WILL lose our little girl.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

Cara's ultrasound didn't give us anything to go on. Not a clue. Things seem to be normal. It's not perfect science. It can't detect everything, but so far x-rays and the ultrasound tell us nothing.

After a week at the Vet, I brought Cara home. That night she started to vomit. I tried to be extra careful, only giving her a small amount of food. Some times it would stay down, many times, not. I didn't know if it was because I was giving her too many tiny meals or the wrong food, or I was waiting too long between meals. I just couldn't figure it out.

What did seem to be clear, was that continuing to give her antibiotics was NOT a good idea. She's on a very heavy dose of them to stave off this damn URI she's had since she was barely a few weeks old. She seems clear of the URI and yesterday I stopped giving her some of her meds. With one antibiotic left, even that made her vomit after I gave it to her.

I called East Lake, one of the Vet's I work with in Georgia. They told me that in her records they noted that Cara was having difficulty eating and that they thought she had something STUCK IN HER THROAT! What?!!! And they didn't do more to find out what was going on? At the time, Cara was being syringe fed because she wouldn't eat on her own. Polly and Chester would not eat on their own, either. They were having a tough time being weaned. Maybe that was it? Or maybe not.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

I took Cara back to see Dr. Larry this afternoon. The one thing we haven't done is run a blood profile on Cara to see if there's anything going on there. Even if it shows nothing alarming, any future Vet care is probably going to need recent blood work as a prerequisite to treating her.

I told Dr. Larry about what I'd found out in Georiga. He called his partner, Dr. Andrew, to come into the exam room to talk about Cara since Dr. Andrew is also on her case. What I didn't expect was what came next.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

They wanted to talk about what to feed Cara and what else might work for her, since what I've been giving her has made her vomit sometimes. They BOTH said to feed her DRY FOOD! Here it comes, the big talk I've been trying to avoid. Feeding cats a raw diet or even just grain-free canned is like being part of a religion whose followers are persecuted for their beliefs. I felt my blood pressure tick upwards.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

I'm not the sort of person who does well with conflict. I never know the perfect thing to say to make my case. I tried to be respectful, but here they are, telling me they see cats do great on dry food and here I am, knowing from their OWN LIPS they do NOT get more than a few hours (brought to you buy big industrial pet food manufacturers) nutritional training in Vet school. So who are they to tell me to feed crap to my sick kitten?

They said that cats used to be obligate carnivores, but not so much now. That's bull-hit. They wouldn't even accept that feeding grain, an irritant that cats cannot digest, would be bad for a cat with stomach problems.

Then they said that why don't I just try it. Spend $5 on some dry food instead of spending $1000.00 to have Cara 'scoped.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

Really? Really? Do they think I'm as close minded as they are to feeding a wholesome diet to cats? I was so offended, I almost walked out. I would feed Cara spaghetti and meatballs if it would help her.

I kept going back to the fact that Cara's been on 8? 9? antibiotics over her 17 weeks of life. She needs to be on NOTHING other than a bland diet. I said to them, would you eat a bowl of cereal after you had a stomach ache or eat something bland? They went back to the dry food debate.

Cara had her blood drawn. I asked them to tell me how much food she needs to eat so I know what the target is. Cara has lost 2 ounces. This is really scary. She now weighs 2.14. Her sister is TWICE her size and Chester is pushing 5 pounds. I just wanted to get OUT of there. Just give me the info-let me leave.

Both Vets tried to be respectful and kind, but they also kept reminding me that they had many years of being in Vet practice-which again, great for diagnosing ailments, not so great at understanding feline nutrition! It left me feeling like I'm just a person who “takes great care of their cats and is the best and they love me and I'm great, BUT...they have all these years on me.” (hey, don't placate me, ok?!). How many years have I been studying and learning about feeding grain-free? FIVE?!! I know that counts for nothing even though I've cured a diabetic, fixed life-long breathing problems, unblocked a blocked up cat, reduced obesity in an overweight cat, greatly improved blood test results in just my cats-not to mention the other cats I've helped with IBD and other chronic conditions. They don't see that. I'm just a lay person on a rant.

I think I need to start looking for a new Vet. Even writing this makes me feel sick. It's akin to me breaking up with Sam after almost two decades of life together. I don't take this feeling lightly, at all, but I can't go somewhere where we part company so seriously. Proper nutrition is the basis for good, lifelong health. Why Vets don't start from this basic point when they do an exam is beyond my comprehension. "What are you feeding your cat?" should be one of the FIRST questions a Vet asks about their patients-not something that's not even considered.

Then, the final straw. Super-Deb, who I trust as if she were my own beloved sister, told me to feed Cara the dry food. Just do it. For her (Super-Deb not Cara). See how it goes.

I left the Vet feeling like I was going to scream and burst into tears (which I did after I left). I drove over to the pet food store and bought Cara some more grain-free canned food and I bought a tiny bag of premium dry cat food. I felt like a Judas.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

When we got home, I gave Cara the dry food. She seemed interested in it, but really only picked at it and left half of the tiny portion on her plate. I don't think she understood it was food. After a few minutes, I let her out of the cat carrier (I lock her in it when she eats so the others don't bother her). She seemed fine. I started to fear she was going to do great on dry food and maybe I was wrong, but I just couldn't face it.

A moment later, Cara jumped off the bed and found a plate that had, literally, a pea-sized, if even that big, bit of raw food on it. A meager leftover part of a full dish that I had just given to her sister. She licked it up. Seemed fine. Then..all of a sudden...the straining, neck twisting and stretching started. The horrible gurgling sound..the vomit. All the dry food, the tiny dot of raw amid mucus and foam came out.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

Was it the dry food that made her sick or the bit of raw? I offered more dry food to her, but she wouldn't eat it. That's my girl. Chester was playing with it. New toy, not nutrition!

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

An hour later I gave Cara chicken baby food. She ate it up, purred and laid in the sunshine. No vomiting. I have to trust my gut and my experience. I'm going to give Cara time. I'm not going to do anything else to her for the rest of the week, other than give her baby food, then after a few days, some canned grain-free mixed in and a bit of pro biotic to help her flora balanced...see if she keeps it down.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson.

For Cara, I will slay dragons, but right now I need a moment for myself. The hours and hours of watching her, cleaning up her vomit, measuring food, worrying, have taken a toll. I thought I was to a place where I could handle these ups and downs, but I think it's cumulative. Between my own cat battling cancer, the sickly kittens and Cara's tender tummy, I hit a wall. I'll get us through this somehow, but I'm not sure what scars will be left behind as a painful souvenir of these difficult days.

Cara sits in a cage at Dr. Larry's clinic. She's been there most of the week. She hates being confined and alone. She stands on her hind legs and desperately reaches between the metal bars at the Vet Techs that pass by. From time to time, they take her out of the cage and give her some attention, some loving, some time to de-stress, but most of the day she is curled up on her cat bed, waiting.

Cara hasn't gone a day without vomiting up her food, at least once or twice. What's causing her to vomit, we still don't know. Dr. Larry performed the Barium Study, where they get Cara to eat some barium mixed into her cat food. As she swallows, they set a timer and begin taking x-rays of her, every so often. The timer shows up on the x-ray so they can follow the progression of food as it passes into her stomach, then into her intestines.

They look for abnormalities. At “Hour 2,” they saw something, but it wasn't very revealing. In Cara's stomach, there's a slight, rounded area. It can be seen on an xray prior to the study being done. During the study, you can see Cara's intestines, lit up, bright white, but near the red arrow is the pouch with some barium, that eventually passes, but has been held up in the digestion process for a short period of time.

When I visit Cara, each afternoon, Dr. Larry or his associate, Dr. Andrew, talk to me about what they think is wrong. Cara is TINY for her 16 weeks of age. They are describing her as “Failing to Thrive.” This can be a death knell for cats. I know when I hear this, it scares me to no end, but if you spend time with Cara, watch her play, be interested in the world around her, see her pretty green eyes sparkle, surely this is not a cat who's about to die?

Then Dr. Larry tells me Cara's intestines feel a bit soft, not quite right. In xray, they see her liver. It's at an odd angle-not quite right. We've discussed parasites and she's been dewormed a few times with a few different protocols, yet there is one we haven't done, so we'll run some Albon through her just so we can take parasites off the list of what could be wrong.

I ask weird, stupid questions...desparate to think of something that was overlooked. Is one of her organs failing? Does she have hyperthyroid? What makes a cat vomit, but not vomit EVERY time she eats?

We looked at environmental factors. Her siblings crowd the food bowls and she has to fight her way in to eat. I made sure she was eating out of her own bowl, away from the other cats. She jumped off the bed and ran to her sister and started to eagerly grab at food. Of course that would have to make her vomit-eating so fast.

But she's alone. No competition for food. Now I'm not even allowed to visit any more because me leaving stresses her out, too. When I was at the Clinic last night, I could hear her crying. It broke my heart not to be able to go to her.

We spoke of next steps. Endoscopy, would require sedation, which is always something you want to avoid, especially with a young animal. It would possibly give us a view of her stomach that might answer some question. The other choice is an ultrasound, which might show thickening of the intestines or lining of the stomach. No sedation required, but it's expensive.

Then Dr. Larry said my least favorite thing; “You're already spending a small fortune on the barium study. Look at all these xrays.” There must have been 10 or 12 in the manilla envelope. I started doing calculations and guessed that even with my discount it will be about $750.00. I was too scared to ask. The ultrasound will be a few hundred more.

I have to find some balance, but we're not getting any answers. Probably because of the fear of the Vet bill, did I think again and say to Dr. Larry...what about ALL the antibiotics this cat has been on for MOST of her life. I bet that could be making her sick. Maybe she just needs time to recover and not be messed with any more?

Dr. Larry thought I made a valid point-but this is during the time when Cara is still on a heavy dose of antibiotics to slay the darn URI she has had for months. The URI is resolving, but what were the lasting effects of ALL these meds?

Dr. Larry just called. He feels we would find out helpful information if we go ahead and do the ultrasound. It would either tell us clearly that Cara, internally, is fine or that we have a problem. We've been trying to find out why she vomits for over a month and I had to decide if I could find the funds to pay another few hundred dollars for the bill. I asked for a rescue discount. Hopefully the Vet who does the ultrasound will be kind enough to do that for us. Even if he doesn't, I have to push, yet again for funding for Cara.

I really hate to ask for help, but Cara needs it now, more than ever. If you can help, your donation will go straight to our Boo-Boo and Sniffles Fund, which will pay Cara's vet bill.

I can't say, “no” to doing this test, so the ultrasound will be done in an hour. I can't just watch Cara continue to be sick and hope she grows out of it. She hasn't so far and if she continues down this road...well...she may have a very short road ahead of her.

Last night we got Bob home from his #6 chemo treatment. We barely got in the door, when I saw it was already 7pm and time for the foster kittens to get their meds.

I have to get a photo of this for you...each cat has a paper plate with their name written on it so I can keep track of which cat is getting the meds. Then I take some yummy raw food and mix the Panacur into it. Each kitten has a different dose. Then I take some play dough like cat treat stuff and cover up their tiny Baytril, then hide that into the small mound of food. Last night everyone got a B12 shot, so I have the syringes on each plate. That was only SOME of what they got.

I put mama-Mazie into a cat carrier, then gave the plates to Chester and Polly. Sam watched them to make sure they ate it all. I took Cara into the bathroom so I could feed her separately. I gave her a tiny and I mean, TINY dot of food. She was clearly starving and attacked the spoon, gobbling the tiny morsal. Then I turned on my stopwatch app on my iPhone, watching a minute pass while Cara frantically ran around the room, looking for more food. I gave her another nibble.

It took about 6 minutes to go through 1/2 of the food, which was only about 1 teaspoon, total. I made sure she ate her baytril first. I waited, she started the familiar gurgling sound in her belly. Then she licked at her mouth, clearly she was going to regurgitate this food. She started to back herself up. Within a few moments, out came the food, along with a lot of mucus. Only because Cara MUST get these meds in her, did I use a paper towel to tease out the mucus and let her eat the remains back up. She must have been starving. She licked her lips, gurgled, but managed to keep the food down.

I waited a few more minutes and gave her a tiny bit of food. I thought she was going to lose it again, but she didn't. She sounded terrible, though. After about 10 more minutes I let her finish up and she was all right.

This morning, I got up late, so I blame myself, but Cara just coldn't keep her food down. I think I let her go too long between eating and she builds up so much mucus that it prevents her from getting her food into her stomach. Even with very watered down food, she pushed it back up. Over the course of an hour, she spewed six times, each one with mucus, then more and more foam. She must be so hungry. It just kills me to see this. It completely makes sense as to why she is just barely 3 pounds and her brother, Chester is 4 pounds 10 ounces.

I put in a call to Dr Larry. Am waiting to hear back from him. I wish there was some way to get the mucus out of this poor kitten. She has such a sweet face and acts like a baby squirrel. If you sit still, out of the blue, she'll suddenly jump onto your shoulder. I don't know how she manages that distance. It's not from the floor, but from your lap..come to think of it, I was sitting on the edge of the tub and she got to my shoulder last night!

I just hate seeing her like this. I hate seeing all of them so sick. Chester snorts like a pig and Polly sounds like a duck with a cold. Her eyes are watery and she fusses like crazy every time I try to give her meds. Sam got a huge scratch on his hand from Chester, just last night. If they only knew we were trying to help them.

Speaking of help...

Thank you very much to all the kind people who jumped in to donate towards the kittens ever growing Vet bill! You're all sweethearts! We got a donation from someone in Norway and someone in the UK! It's an amazing feeling to know that so many of you cared enough to share what you could to help get these babies back to health.

If you didn't get a chance to donate to their fund, I'll re-run the ChipIn widget here. If you already donated, then I Thank You and the kittens thank you, too!

I really hope I have good news about these babies, soon!

For the past three weeks, I've taken Polly, Chester and Cara to see Dr. Larry at least once, some times twice a week. The kittens are just NOT “getting over the hump.” They get mildly better for a day or two and seemingly overnight they get very sick. They also don't all have the same symptoms at the same time. I've learned not to freak out when I see Polly's eyes all watery again or Chester sneezing, but...what can be done for them?

Last week, Dr. Larry and I had a long talk. He was very concerned that the kittens have FIP. For those of you not familiar with Feline Infectious Peritonitis, let's just say that it's a death knell for any cat who gets it. It's highly contagious, as well, which means I could have put ALL MY CATS, even Bob Dole, at risk for getting this incurable disease.

I did NOT want to think this is a possibility. I pushed back, saying the kittens were chronically ill, BUT they were thriving, in some way, too. They did PLAY, they ate well, they WERE gaining weight. Yes, they were sick with some sort of horrible URI that wasn't responding to MONTHS of medications, but could it be FIP? Oh no..PLEASE NOT THAT. Please don't make me have to EUTHANIZE MY FOSTER KITTENS!!! I could NOT IMAGINE A WORSE CHOICE TO HAVE TO MAKE. NOT MY LITTLE ONES. NO surely, not them. Granted my life sucks right now, but having to face this would put me over the edge and into a dangerous place.

That's why I couldn't write about it. I was too sick.

So we ran tests, even though Polly fussed and screamed, being the sickest, we decided to do the tests on her. We ran a PCR, which might tell us if she has Calicivirus, Herpes, etc. We ran a full blood panel, a stool sample, bartonella screening, re-snap tested her for FIV+/Feline leukemia. The tests cost $600.00 and many took the better part of a week to get results on.

While I waited for test results to come back, I spent time with the kittens, and their mom, Mazie, too. The kittens slept on me for hours. I didn't mind spending that time not working. My head was killing me. Having a headache for two months is not really fun. I loaded up on painkillers and we all took a nap. The kittens have grown fond of me, in their way. Once in awhile, I get a purr, especially out of Polly. Her coat is now like silk, from the grain-free food. I love to pet her while she snoozes. She sounds like a stuffed up duck when she breathes.

Cara tugs at my heartstrings. At 16 weeks old, she is only barely 3 pounds. She has so much mucus in her, if she eats too fast, she regurgitates her food, then hysterically tries to eat it back up, only to pass it out again. I have to feed her very slowly and still she is anxious to gobble up whatever she can. She is so tiny, with such big owl-green-eyes, I can't help but want to do whatever I can to save her life.

The test results started to come in. Bartonella-negative, Bloodwork, ok, but showed she is anemic, just slightly. Stool sample showed positive for a type of coccidia I haven't heard of and I will have to report on exactly what this was later since it escapes me just now. The PCR was inconclusive-probably because Polly has had so many antibiotics. Dr. Larry feels they have a heck of a herpes virus infection...DUH! We knew that going in! Would he take FIP off the table now? He said, YES, maybe, but he also insisted we snap test Cara and Chester for FIV+/Feline Leukemia. So we did that. Negative/Negative. Thank GOD.

Dr. Larry called a vet he knows in Arizona who works with shelter cats. She said she's seen this before. She suggested we hit this and hit it hard and that would get rid of what ails these cats. The problem is, there goes another $400.00.

Here are the meds...I am deworming them with Panacur, it's gonna blow out whatever parasites they've got. They are getting shots of B12, Zithromax, Baytril, Terramycin for their eyes. Most of this will take two weeks of daily or twice daily application. If the kittens don't hate me now, they will soon. I'd rather they hate me than have FIP any day of the week.

The other problem, as usual, is funding. I've asked so much of everyone that I can't even bear to ask now, so I'll just post this ChipIn and if you can help the kittens, that would be very much appreciated. If you can't, no worries.

These kittens deserve a chance at a healthy, long life. If I can get them over this, then I can start the happier task of finally finding them good homes. For kittens who've been sick almost every day of their short lives, it really would be remarkable to see them healthy-at last.

And if this doesn't work...I'm just not sure where that path will take us next. I won't let them down. I just won't, no matter what.

Even if I find out their Mom has RINGWORM...yeah...surprise! She's got it.

Halp.

Normally, writing is something I need and want to do. When I write, my body falls away and my thoughts come to life through my fingertips as I tap away at the keyboard. I always seem to have something I need to say and the words come tumbling out. Lately, I haven't felt that way about blogging and I think I know why.

I think I'm tired of writing about the difficulties in my life. I don't want to be a whiner but the truth about what's going on here, is that things suck. It's a rough road. There is little joy. There is a lot of worry and tension.

Everyone has their worries and tough times, too, so what should I write about? Then, I get stuck.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. You know it's snowed too much when...

This winter has been the worst I can ever remember. Stats put us at over 70" of snow so far. Our typical SEASON of snow is about 50" and not all of it within a few week span. There is more snow due tomorrow and again, the possibility of another big storm later next week.

I've shoveled so much snow, so many times, beaten at the ice dams on the gutters and hung out of windows to break icicles that my arms were too sore to even type out a few words. The injury I had from the car accident in December reared its ugly head. Of course it would! I'm covered in black and blue marks and almost broke a few fingers from all of this. I'm stuffing prescription pain killers and muscle relaxants daily and the side effect of one of them is nightmares-so I'm having those, too.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. ...you need heavy equipment to clear your driveway.

It's been a complete scramble, trying to find out how to keep the house from falling down and running out to re-stock up on supplies the second we have a long enough break in the weather to get out. I've only been able to drive my car once in the past few weeks. I'm stuck relying on Sam's 4wd car. There never seems to be time to tend to my dear blog.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Mac and Bob.

Lastly, there is the sad fact that I can't help any cats for awhile. With the costs for Bob's care ($2000 last month, alone), I can't rescue any cats and pay for it out of pocket-as I so often have done. Now I have to wait until Kitten Associates starts doing fundraisers. I've been working on that web site and waiting for our non profit "green light" from the IRS-which is due ANY day now. I think we'll be starting to plan some fundraisers, but I'm also torn in other directions. I need paying work, I need to sell off some things and I need to get the foster cats that are here, well enough to be adopted out.

Mazie is clear to go, but the kittens are not. As far as Mac goes, he really should be adopted out, but he and Blitzen are buddies so it's a tough choice to make. Mac can also be very fresh with Bob, slapping in him the face and hissing at him every time dinner time comes around. I think as Mac ages, he will make more and more plays to be a more dominant cat. It's already causing problems here-Petunia screams at him from time to time and Nicky has pooped out of the litter pan, onto the floor. I feel stuck, though. I don't know why, but I can guess depression is the core issue for me. I function well enough, but go through periods where I just am a lump and don't get much done. I feel very guilty about it. Maybe some of you have those problems, too? I feel like I don't get enough done and I'm too scattered. I make lists or try to do small tasks, but then I end up losing most of the day to doing Vet runs or pre-storm shopping that MUST be done before the storm arrives-and that usually cuts my day down to the nub, too. I keep trying to find a block of time to just sit down and work, but it's always a rush. Even now I have to leave in an hour to get Bob up to NY for his chemo. I won't be home until 6:30pm. Another day shot.

I'm sorry to be such a whiner. I'm really tired of my life sucking. I have given up on things getting better. I'll still try to make them better, but in my heart it seems fruitless to bother.

24 Hours Later...

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Polly and Cara passed out on my chest.

How could it be in less than a day, things could completely fall apart? Whatever I was whining about seems trivial now. Last night I found something “wrong” with one MacGruber's toes. First, I thought it was clumping cat litter stuck between two toes, but I couldn't get it out and scratching at it made his toe bleed a bit. Knowing that could lead to an infection, I stopped messing with it and made an appointment for Mac to meet Dr. Larry. I was going there anyway, the second time this week, with Cara and Polly. Why? Polly has become very ill, suddenly and Chester is sick, too. Cara is vomiting up large puddles of mucus, but seems otherwise in good shape. I figured it would be another run-of-the-mill Vet visit, but I was wrong.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. With all the rotten weather, there's still something beautiful that comes of it.

I'll fill you in on the details as best I can, but there is a chance the unthinkable has happened. The kittens may have a disease that cannot be cured. I don't want to say what it is. I'm not ready to face it. Tomorrow we will start getting test results back, but I won't really know much until next week. I promise I won't make you wait that long, but I need some time to sort this out on my own, do some reading, maybe do some praying, too. I realize that when you do animal rescue of any kind, there are those animals that come to your door and no matter how hard you try to help them, they can't be helped. It's out of your hands and all you can do is love them until their time comes and you have to find a way to be okay with that.

Right now I'm trying to find my way, but I admit to feeling quite lost.

The day before Halloween 2010, we rescued Mazie and her babies, Polly, Cara and Chester. They were tiny and already incubating a URI the day they were picked up. Within a few days, all the kittens were sick.

If we hadn't rescued them when we did, they would have been put to sleep for getting sick. Shelter rules, as many of you know, do not allow for sick cats to be in the shelter. There's no quarantine. To prevent the spread of disease (but it doesn't), they kill the sick animals. It's heartbreaking that they have to do this.

For the first month, Polly and Cara were hit hardest. I don't know how our foster Mama kept her sanity. I wasn't sure Polly would survive she was so congested, her eyes were sealed shut. She and her siblings had to be syringe fed, too.

I didn't know if they'd ever be well enough to make it to Connecticut.

And here we are. The family has been with me for a month. I'm still doing, at least a weekly Vet run. These cats have been chronically ill, to the point of which I wonder if they will ever shed their illness.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Mazie and Polly have a nappy on the electric blanket.

Through all of this, Mama Mazie has been almost completely unaffected. She's spayed, has her shots and is ready to be adopted. I've been moving at a snail's pace to make this happen-partly because I hate separating Mamas from their babies and partly because I thought her being there would comfort the kittens.

It's not really fair to her. She's put on a nice chunk and I do mean, chunk, of weight. She's bored. She isn't very invested in the kittens, but when I take them to the Vet she cries and cries. I know I need to find her a great home. The kittens are 15 weeks old now-ready to be on their own.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Cara warms up on her sister, Polly.

With all that's been going on with my own cat, Bob, it's hard to focus on any one thing. A further complication is that about six weeks ago I was in a car accident with Sam. We were rear-ended by a moron, while we were stopped at a traffic light. Sam is okay, but I don't know what is going on with me. The Dr. said “sprained back and sprained neck.” That it would get better over time and to do some light exercises to stretch out the muscles.

My back is basically fine, but my neck is not. I've had a very bad headache every day since the accident. We just lost our health insurance right before the accident happened, so I've been trying to deal with the pain on my own. I haven't been able to think clearly, my head hurts so badly. I also thought I might have a sinus infection, so I waited until I couldn't take it any more and I dragged myself to my GP last week.

I'm on heavy duty pain killers and a muscle relaxant. My head is finally starting to feel better and I can focus on tasks, instead of sit here like a zombie. Once I'm off the meds, hopefully I won't get the headaches again. There is so much to be done. I need to get these kittens ready to be adopted, but if they won't get better, I'm in a holding pattern that could last another few months.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Chester, lookin' fine!

As far as Chester is concerned, he's just about ready to go now. He weighs a whopping 4 lbs.,.1 oz.! One of his eyes is a bit runny and once in awhile I hear a sneeze, but that's about it. He was never seriously effected-not the way his sisters were.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Back at Dr. Larry's office, Chester now bored with the wadded up napkin for a toy, waits for a chance to chase Polly around the exam room.

Then there's Polly. She's finally gaining weight and is at 3 lbs, 6 oz.-quite a bit smaller than Chester, but not too bad. She's still got a visible third eyelid, but it's not serious. She's still sneezing. Her left eye, the one we thought she would lose the vision in, still has some cloudiness to the pupil. She doesn't have any uclers, but we're not 100% sure she will have perfect vision in that eye. I may have to take her to an ophthalmologist if she doesn't improve in the next few weeks. What's nice to see about her is that she's growing. Her coat is like satin (yes, from the grain-free food). The pattern is more defined now. She has the same mackerel pattern on her back as her mother. She likes to snuggle, but she's still a bit too mouthy as I learned last night when she climbed on my chest, purring away, then turned and BIT my cheek, then ran off! Guess she's not feeling too badly.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Still waiting to pounce.

The most fragile of the bunch, is Cara. She only weighs 2 lbs 8 oz. She is just TINY. She has tons of spunk, for such a small and sickly cat. She's been vomiting and/or retching every day. We're tying to figure out why-some of it has to do with the amount of mucus in her sinuses that drains down her throat, into her stomach, but we're not clear on if the underlying problem is that she has a stricture of her esophagus.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's super-cat!

I'm going to water down her food, so it's easier to digest and so she gets some fluids back in her system. She's had 2 rounds of sub-q fluids at Dr. Larry's office to make sure she doesn't dehydrate. She always has this “owly” look about her green eyes. Her coat is crazy. She is BROWN, chocolate brown. I have never seen this color on a cat that wasn't a purebred Burmese. Her coat pattern is classic tabby, a bit fluffy, but her tail is almost black and skinny with short fur. She is truly a mixed bag.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Givin' some sass to his sis.

Cara's always cold. I have a space heater running in her room 24/7. She still likes to sit on the top of it as it rotates back and forth. She prefers it to the electric blanket on the bed, but that's there for her, too. I've done everything I can think of to help them get better. The rest is up to them.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Polly and Chester preparing for their next “Battle Royale.”

I'm not happy that I haven't been able to rescue any other cats. I have to slow down-partly due to Bob being sick, partly due to the kittens being sick and partly due to the fact that we need to get our basic operating expenses worked out for Kitten Associates. I can't foot the bill for it any longer. Until things get straightened out, I'm going to do my best to help get the word out on cats in need, but I won't be able to take any into my rescue for awhile. I really hate it. I have faith that we will sort this out and ramp up our rescue efforts as soon as we can (and as soon as we lock down some additional foster homes, too!).

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Meanwhile, Cara goes to sleep after making Dr. Larry clean up her vomit. Poor sweetie (Cara, not Dr. Larry!) (Okay, Dr. Larry, too!).

I also have to have faith that all of this will work out. Bob's on his path. We'll do what we can for him. The kittens will either get better and get into homes or stay here awhile longer. I never thought “Santa's Team” would leave (okay, technically, ONE of them, Blitzen stayed behind), but they did. I just need to focus-get some work done-get Kitten Associates ramped up and keep on savin' more kitties!

It seems as though Polly has been sick for most of her short life. At about 13 weeks of age, she's been sick for a good 10 weeks. Her sister, Cara Melle and brother, Chester Cheesetoes have also been sickly, too. Their Mama, Mazie, has been mostly spared, but being an adult, her immune system is strong and fully developed. Her job is to hang out and keep the babies company, until I get her adopted. My job is to learn to ride the waves of fear and anxiety, wondering if these little guys are going to succumb to their illness or overcome it.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Mazie (is not mad!), Polly and Cara (Center).

It seemed as though homeopathy was going to make the big difference in getting the cats better, but in the blink of an eye-about 48 hours, really, Polly took a serious turn for the worse. I got her to Dr. larry and he did a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia and put her on antibiotics-again, will it really help? This is VIRAL! I had to go with it. It was the Holidays so I couldn't reach Dr. Hermans to ask what other things I could do for her from a homeopathic standpoint.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. A few days ago, Cara was doing fairly well.

Polly's left eye sealed shut AGAIN. That eye has been a problem for her since the beginning. I took her into the bathroom and ran the shower. She was VERY snotty and was very tired. In a day or so she perked back up, so I didn't have to do another Vet run.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Poor Polly. Snotty and feeling like crud. Getting a steamy shower treatment in the bathroom.

None of the kittens were resolving their URI. I took them to Dr. Hermans and we discussed treatments for them. She reminding me that their case is a complex one and that I couldn't have come up with a treatment for them on my own just yet. She made some suggestions and a plan for me while the kittens ran around her office, exploring every nook and cranny. She felt they were NOT in bad shape at all and that in time we should be able to get them to recover.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Chester is doing well and SO CUTE!

A few days later, I took Polly and her siblings to see Dr. Larry for a re-check. He thought they were doing OK, but clearly now Cara was doing worse! She was cold and her eyelids were swollen. Dr. Larry put them on stronger antibiotics and asked me to come back again in another 10 days.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Cara was so cold she didn't mind being bundled up at the Vet.

The next night Polly took another turn for the worse. This time it REALLY scared me. She was open-mouth breathing, with her left eye sealed shut and her head was VERY SNOTTY. I had just taken her to the Vet the day before and that was 3 vet trips in 3 days. I was wiped out and did NOT want another Vet bill on my hands! I got Polly back into the bathroom for a steam treatment. I ended up having to force feed her to make sure she wouldn't crash over the night. I got up at 4Am to check on her and her eyes were not sealed shut and she seemed comfortable. The space heater was running full blast and so was the humidifier.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Instead of sitting ON the space heater, I found Cara in front of it, so I put a little cat bed out for her.

The next morning I expected to have to take her to the Vet, but my fear was that taking her to the Vet-being exposed to the winter cold and a car ride, pushed her over the edge in the first place. There was a big snow storm coming, too and I had to decide if I was going to run her to the Vet or not. She was eating a little so I decided to wait.

Cara was so chilled that she kept sitting ON the space heater (since she couldn't sit on the cable box any more after she puked on it and shorted it out!). I realized I needed to get her warm, fast. I drove to Target just as the snow started to fall, to get an electric blanket for her and I got some more stinky cat food at the local pet shop. I made it back home just before it was too late to drive much longer. Instead of getting three to five inches of snow, we got thirteen! I-84 was just about shut down and I heard reports of it taking people FIVE HOURS to get home, instead of minutes...

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Cara loves the heated blanket, but she's still not feeling well.

I couldn't get home fast enough, both to avoid the weather and to get Cara and the others warming up. It took about five minutes for the kitties to realize the blanket was warm and later that afternoon, I found them all stretched out sleeping.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Polly returns to kicking butt, even though she's still snotty.

Polly seemed to be doing better. The high calorie food perked her up. Her sinuses were draining. I was watching the humidifier more carefully and I think it made a difference that it was always full of water.

Then it was Cara's turn to get really sick-again!

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Oh dear! Back to the Vet, or keep her warm and stress-free? What's best?

Cara is a tiny little thing. She's over a pound lighter than her brother, Chester and she's about the size of a six week old kitten. Her paws are no thicker than my pinky. Last night her eyes were sealed closed. She wasn't as snotty as Polly had been and even being blind, she found her food and ate quite a good bit of it. Her belly is really BIG and I just de-wormed the cats two days before. I do not want to say things like FIP, so for now I won't. Cara has been vomiting, still, very small amounts and only every few days. Since the de-worming she hasn't vomited, but that could change.

I believe some of their illness had something to do with being de-wormed. That killing the parasites opened them up to being a bit more sick or perhaps it made them have a mucus build up reaction? I don't know if there is ANY correlation, but maybe some of you guys know about one?

So last night was spent in the bathroom, yet again. I took Cara and Polly (to keep her sister company). I washed Cara's face and got her eyes to open. She was very quiet, but gave me a little purr, then waddled around the bathroom after her sister, Polly. Polly was like a new kitten-running all over the bathroom, bouncing up and down, attacking Cara and having a great time-even though she's still fairly snotty, herself. I was texting Jennifer and Polly got too curious about the bathtub. As I put my iPhone down, I heard a splash! Polly fell into the tub! Fortunately she was only up to her belly in water. She didn't seem to mind at all! I got her dried off, but she went right back, almost falling into the tub a second time. Yes, time to DRAIN the water out of the tub, good idea.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. Even though she's sick, Cara still played with her sister. A good sign.

It's been a few very late nights and very early mornings. With kittens, I can't be too careful. I monitor them like a hawk and when I see they're not doing well, I try not to freak out. I'm finding that I can be more gentle and relaxed now that I've been through this quite a few times. I don't know everything there is to know about kitten care, but I know that if I'm calmer, they can be calmer, too. No stress is very important for them and I've got to get them over this hump of getting better, then getting worse. I'm learning what may be setting them off and giving them every chance I can have what they need to get strong. Between a good diet, a warm, humid room and lots of lysine (and meds!) and love, it should do the trick.

©2011 Robin A.F. Olson. At least some of the cats are doing all right! Mazie is a handful. She's like a giant kitten, she's so playful and Chester is turning into a big love-bug.

Fortunately, Chester, though sick, too, is not in as bad shape as his sisters...so far...though from what I've seen it can change at any moment, so I'm not taking anything for granted!

When I started writing this Blog in 2006 I thought I'd get a book contract out of it and have a fast-track at fame and fortune. What I never expected was where I'd be just four short years later.

I was a Graphic Designer, copywriter, foster mom (once in awhile). I didn't know much about cats, other than they bugged the crap out of me, I mean, that I loved them. That if I really thought about it, I'd been devoted to caring for cats whenever I had the chance since I got my first cat when I was four years old.

This past year, has probably seen the biggest changes in my cat-centric life, so far. I took on more responsibility with the rescue group I was with, I got better at dealing with long-term sick kittens (well, not better, as much as just dealt with it), I wrote more about cats at kill shelters who were in dire straights and was even able to help rescue a few of them.

©2010 M.S. Yodel, one of the first rescues of 2010.

I'd say, though, that the first half of the year was spent feeling angry and frustrated. The Director of the group I was with was probably the most passive-agressive person I've ever met. She has the ability to sound like she's being nice, but her words always meant "NO." I felt like I was ready to take on more and more, but she was restricting me to doing less and less. She'd make a rule, then change it to suit her needs, then be short with me if I called her on it. There was one excuse after another as to why I couldn't foster in my home-even though I begged. She refused to let me take in cats, even though they were local and I had space and time. She placated me by offering me a non-voting place on the Board of Directors. I thought that was only due to her fear that once I found out the local pet food shop owner was also asked, that I'd be put out if I wasn't asked, too.

The first meeting of the Board was the last straw. There it was clear she wanted me out. She said things like “I don't have anyone who can do adoptions other than myself and one other person (her partner, not me).” Meanwhile I was sitting there, in complete SHOCK. I had done 50 adoptions on my OWN over the past year-which was about 50% of the cats they took in! I felt kicked in the teeth. I started to say something, but got talked over. Then she fawned over another member who as a background in Public Relations. She asked HER about "Branding" the rescue group and coming up with a tagline that worked better. Meanwhile I have over 25 years of experience doing Promotions and Advertising. I'd done most of the graphics for this group for FIVE YEARS! Public Relations understands about Branding, but designers, like myself are the ones who CREATE how a brand works, in the first place. I didn't get it. I was eager, ready to go, wanted to help, had ideas, yet, no...I guess I was filing a seat. I was too stunned to say anything-my blood was BOILING.

Weeks later, I found out some things about how this person operates and how she doesn't appreciate anyone having more power than she does. Who cares? I didn't care about that. I just wanted to rescue MORE cats! I started to hear horrible stories about her behavior in dealing with other people. As much as I loved helping the animals, I finally got up the nerve to write my letter of resignation. There was no way I could work with this woman ever again. I was broken hearted more than I can say. I did not want to go. I felt shoved out the door. I was so devoted to this group that they're in my WILL. They were to get a sizable portion of my Estate when I pass away and they knew that, too. I guess it was time to move on—it had been for a long time.

©2010 Robin A.F. Olson. The only foster cat I had until after I started my OWN rescue group. This kitten was feral, but I socialized him in two weeks. He's now adopted.

What shocked me most was the reply I got to my letter of resignation-that “we part on good terms” and “I wish you the best.” Not surprised that I quit suddenly right after a Board Meeting. Not sad. Not even a phone call. Just an email-glad to be done with me, I'm sure.

I had THOUSANDS of photos and artwork for five YEARS of fundraisers and adoption events I oversaw. That email was the last I've heard from them. They never once asked for a file or an image of THEIR OWN foster cats since that day in July.

I spent some time soul searching. I was offered the chance to take over a small, local cat shelter, but it was too far from my home for me to be effective there. Instead of me running the place, I made a few good friends. I offered to help them and they offered to take adult cats from me, should I need a placement for them once in awhile. It was a great fit, but still...my heart was sour about volunteering somewhere new. I didn't want to waste more time ramping up to how another group does their "thing," then discover it was run by someone who was either crazy or a tyrant. Many of my readers suggested I just make a go of it on my own. I figured, why not? I know enough to get myself in trouble. Might as well. At least this way I get to be the crazy person, but I'd rather be the fair-headed, friendly, team-player I've always been.

The Birth of Kitten Associates, Inc.

With the economy the worst it's probably EVER been in the history of our Country, I decided to go for it. Sam came up with a great name and we spoke about what we would do, in addition to rescuing cats in need. We knew that with our background in design, advertising, web site design and database building, we could easily build web sites for OTHER rescue groups and municipal shelters who needed our help. If we could help other rescue groups do a better job at saving lives, we'd end up saving THOUSANDS of animals: dogs and cats! It would be a far bigger way to help animals in need and as far as we knew, no one else was doing this!

We'd find corporate sponsors to foot the bill and they'd get some free advertising and we'd get paid to build the web sites that way. We'd open a foster network and rescue cats from wherever they needed help. I also began posting information about cats I could not take into my program, but cats that were either needing funding for life-saving surgery or cats who needed a home.

My dear friend Jennifer, works for a lawyer who could help us with our paperwork. The lawyer knows a very nice CPA who guided us about how to deal with fundraisers and our taxes-at a discount. Things were just falling into place. We filed the papers, became incorporated and are now within minutes of getting our final “nod” from the IRS to get our 501(c)3 and be a true Non-Profit.

I already had a small team of dedicated folks in Georgia who would help me rescue cats, there. I had some donations coming in the door. I just had to start rescuing some cats. I was scared to death!

Just some of the kitties we saved in 2010!

In the four short months Kitten Associates has been running we've already rescued and homed most of the 26 cats and kittens we rescued (we still have a few here not ready to be adopted). We helped home an additional 8 cats by partnering with other groups in the South. We helped pay for vetting and care of, not only our own rescued cats, but Hope, the kitten who was abused by a fish hook and whose rescue group could not afford to pay her Vet bill! We gave her Vet $850 that we raised which paid her bill, in full and was able to pay for other cats who needed Emergency Vet Care, too! By using social media we got the word out on the cats we couldn't take into our Program, but who we felt we needed to help. At LEAST, an additional 24 cats get rescued by other groups or get adopted just because we ASKED for help (we're not sure of an accurate number because once we get the word out, sometimes it gets picked up by thousands of people, so this number could be VERY LOW!) and had YOU to help us in our Mission!

That's a total of 59 CATS who's lives were saved in a few, short months!

...and a few more familiar faces!

Not bad, considering I am the ONLY foster home in Connecticut and I only have a handful of foster homes in Georgia!

It's been quite a year in some respects. When I call Henry County, they know me. The local Vet we use in Georgia calls me “Miss Robin” and is very kind about providing us discounts. When they needed help after getting two cats dumped at their door, I was able to help them, too. It hasn't been all perfect or blissful. I haven't helped nearly as many cats as I'd like, but it's a noble start.

Now that my dear cat, Bob has cancer, I don't know what 2011 will bring. I don't know if it's a great idea to foster cats when I have an immune compromised cat with cancer in the house. I know I'll find a way to help, but I have to balance what the “price” I'm going to have to pay will be.

For 2011, I want to focus on getting basic fundraising going so we have a base of donations to draw from so we can quit worrying all the time about all the bills I have to pay out-of-pocket. Our web site needs a lot of work to be finished up. I need FOSTER HOMES! VOLUNTEERS! CREATIVE FOLKS who want to help us plan events! Folks with lots of experience doing cat rescue so we can have help if any of our cats fall sick-until we can get those cats to the Vet. There's a lot to be done, but hopefully by the end of the year, we'll be operating more smoothly and have most of the kinks worked out.

So let this be a warning to you bloggers out there. Sure, write about what you love, your passion, but be careful about where it takes you. You could be hoping for a book contract, as I did, and end up with a whole lot more than you ever dreamed. Like the pebble in the proverbial stream, it's okay to bounce along with the flow of things and see where the water takes you.

It will certainly make for an interesting journey.

Happy New Year!