You’re at a shelter or rescue a cat from the street. You don’t know anything about how they’ll behave once they’re in your home. One of the biggest fears is that this new cat won’t get along with the other pets or family members or that they’ll set off a chain reaction of behavioral problems that will ruin your furnishings.
What if you knew that by adopting the friendly calico who caught your eye, you’d be bringing home a cat who will thwart all attempts to rub her belly?
With a simple swab and quick swipe along the inside of the mouth, your cat’s sample is sent to the CDNA lab in Whynot, Mississippi for testing. In 4 to 6 weeks the test results will be delivered to your e-mail inbox.
Below is a listing of the initial group of traits that can be tested. If all goes well and there’s enough interest, there’s talk of capturing more data points and expanding into other areas like food preferences, ability to wear "Cone of Shame" and how intense your cat's drive is to "make muffins" on you (especially when their claws need a trim).
• Always Hovers Over Litter (A.H.O.L.) Cats who stay in litter pan while it’s being scooped out.
• Cognitive Reaction to Audible Stimuli (C.R.A.S) Positive or Negative reaction to being told to get off the counter
• Diarrhea or Other Poop Explosions (D.O.P.E.) Cats who need pro-biotics
• Belly Rub Attempts Thwarted (B.R.A.T.)
• Pees Everywhere Soiling Things (P.E.S.T.)
• Belly Up Remains in Place (B.U.R.P.)
• Has Underwear Moving Predisposition (H.U.M.P.) Cats who will take their human’s clothing and move it to their stash area, usually a basement or closet
• Inappropriate Mounting of Stuffed Toys (E.W.W.)
• Meowing with Toys in Mouth (M.T.M.)
• Eats Greens Almost Daily (E.G.A.D.)
• Purrs in Tones, Annoying (P.I.T.A.)
• Definitely Effective Reasoning Powers (D.E.R.P.)
Thanks to CDNA for sponsoring this post, I was able to test my cat DOODLEBUG (the DOOD) free of charge.
Here’s Dood's chart. As you can clearly see, DOOD is a few fries short of a Happy Meal because his D.E.R.P. score is not even calculable. Clearly DOOD is a freak about vegetables and don’t go near his belly. Huh. I guess I already knew that, but it’s good to have confirmation. Would it have stopped me from adopting him? No. There’s no test (YET) for adorability and DOOD has that in spades.
In closing, I’d say the cost of CDNA's test could be worth it to new cat parents. Perhaps it would inspire them to give their cat more greens or to realize they really can’t ever rub their cat’s tummy safely and to stop trying.
If this tickled your funny bone, I hope you'll check out these very special April 1 blog posts from years gone by.
Product Review: Flunette
Product Review: GLITTER CAT LITTER
Product Review: PetBit
and my favorite: Pebble Associates